SUNDAY, MAY 14, 2017
Nine Years Ago, We Were Only Joking
In Monday’s “Mother’s Day Warning” Edition, The Blower predicted this could be the last year for children in school to create cards and trinkets as Mother’s Day gifts, if the Political Correctness Council (PCC) has its way, since the concept of “mother” might make some children feel uncomfortable. That went for Father’s Day, too. (That item first appeared in The Blower’s Mother’s Day Issue in 2008)
During the week, insanity became the new normal when a British Columbia elementary school cancelled Mother’s and Father’s Day in an effort to celebrate “Non-Traditional Families.”
And if that wasn’t enough, today, a “Transgender Mom attacked Mother’s Day as ‘Offensive’ because it’s a “Gendered Holiday,” whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean.
No wonder our good friend Mark Dice is mocking Liberals for complaining Mother’s Day is “Offensive” to “Non-Traditional Families.” (You can check video) that out at the bottom of the page.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says 44 years ago this week the Senate Watergate hearings began exploring the nature of Richard Nixon’s administratio. This year, “News Liars” on TV are calling for President Trump’s Impeachment, but not without a little help from our “News Liars” in Congress, like Senator Lindsey Graham (RINO-SC) who joined DemocRAT today in calling for President Donald Trump to turn over any recordings he made of conversations with fired FBI Director James Comey. By the end of the week, we’ll no doubt see Graham joining Black Deranged DemocRAT Congresswoman “Mad Maxine” Waters calling from “Trump’s Impeachment.”
NO WONDER OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE is still trying to decide on which one of Rachel Maddow’s stupid quotes to choose where our PMSNBC News Liar tried compare Trump’s firing Disgraced Former FBI Director James Comey to Nixon this week.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL (OUR ODIOUS OCTEGENARIAN), THE BARD OF CLEVES: Just in time for Mother’s Day Madness today, we found this in his “I’ve Forgotten Mama,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
There’ll soon be a day for your Mother
A day we treat like no other.
When she heard God’s voice
And then make her choice
She said, “You, I won’t bother to smother.”
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED TITLED “Patriotic Politicians,” Armed Forces Day was fast approaching, and at the Patronage County Courthouse our three publicity obsessed county commissioners had called in noted Spin Doctor Freddie Flacker, to ensure the public saw them as the most patriotic politicians in history. This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
OUR MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER says he would really be surprised to hear about all those reports of voter fraud during the Kentucky DemocRAT Primary Elections next Tuesday.
CONGRATULATIONS TO THE CINCINNATI BELL CONNECTOR: For 40+ years, Kings Island had two trains on one loop that never ran into each other. It took your Stupid Streetcar less than a year.
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says few Americans see Mother’s Day as the nation’s most important holiday, and the number who consider motherhood the most important job for a woman is at its lowest level yet.
THIS WEEK, OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER SAID LATE NIGHT COMEDIANS WERE STILL MAKING SOME REALLY LAME TRUMP JOKES THESE DAYS, LIKE JIMMY FALLON’S: The The big story still is Trump firing FBI Director James Comey, and it turns out Comey had six years left on his 10-year term. It’s easier get out of your FBI contract than it is your AT&T contract.
JAMES CORDEN: Today Donald Trump signed an executive order to establish a commission to investigate voter fraud. Trump says that he and his commission want to make sure every American gets a vote, and that every Russian gets two.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Tonight President Trump gave his first TV interview since he fired the director of the FBI on Tuesday. You know, one of the reasons they’re giving for that firing is that Trump said James Comey lost the trust of rank and file FBI agents. And today the acting head of the FBI, Andrew McCabe, flatly contradicted that. He said the vast majority of agents hold a deep positive connection to Director Comey. So he’s fired too, then, right? Everybody’s fired.
SETH MEYERS: Acting FBI Director Andrew McCabe testified before the Senate Intelligence Committee today. It went like this: “Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?” “I do.” “OK. You’re fired.”
STEPHEN COLBERT: We don’t see any new jokes for this week. Not to worry, his “Cock Holster” joke is still out there.
THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL
Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #135 is to find a feminist and see if she has a sense of humor:
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be open when she brings it to you.
JOHN GALT says “Happiness is possible only to a rational man, the man who desires nothing but rational goals, seek nothing but rational values and finds his joy in nothing but rational actions. “
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says Wall Street slipped on Friday, ending the week lower as tepid economic data weighed on banks and worries deepened over Nordstrom (JWN.N) and other department stores. Risk-averse sentiment gripped Wall Street this week after President Donald Trump unexpectedly fired his FBI chief, the potential fallout from which could delay Trump’s pro-growth goals to cut taxes and boost spending on infrastructure.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others. Today on Mother’s Day, there was free admission for Mom at the Cincinnati Zoo, a free cup of frozen yogurt for Mom at TCBY, free strawberries dipped in chocolate for Mom at McCormick and Schmick’s seafood restaurant, a free rose for Mom at Big Apple Bagels, and free lunch for Mom at Hooters. Guess where our good friend Bobby Leach took his Mom for lunch today.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their “fake news” from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.
FINALLY AT TONIGHT’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were congratulating Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane on how quickly Trump took The Blower’s “Fake News” Solution Friday to eliminate all that “Fake News Bullshit” that comes forth from those White House Press briefings. “Our White House Snitch really came through,” Kane said.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Ohio RINO Senator Rob “Fighting for Same-Sex Marriage” Portman, who’s wondering if Award-Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception will include Portman trying to explain some of his not-so-Conservative tendencies at his upcoming Gallery showing.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”
MONDAY (MAY 15) we’ll be celebrating Police Officers Memorial Day to honor federal, state, and local officers killed or disabled in the line of duty.
TUESDAY (MAY 16) we’ll be watching Trish “The Dish’s” Bluegrass Primary Election coverage on Channel 19, and “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” will be wondering if This year’s Bluegrass Primaries will be Voter Fraud FREE.
WEDNESDAY (MAY 17), The Blower will be watching the fallout from Trump’s choice for FBI Director.
THURSDAY (MAY 18) we’ll be wondering if Trump’s FBI Director couldn’t be on the job already if he was called the Acting FBI Director until the Senate figured out what to do.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (MAY 19) LIMERICK IS “The best way to the spend Armed Forces Day.”
AND SATURDAY (May 20) we’ll be honoring the military, while we check out to see which restaurants are offering free meals to veterans, or if we have to wait until Veterans Day for our free “Bloomin’ Onions” at Outback.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Tonight’s Mother’s Day Whistleblower Video
Mark Dice is mocking Liberals for complaining Mother’s Day is “Offensive” to “Non-Traditional Families.”
The Whistleblower has always been 100% commercial free, unlike members of the mendacious news media. So if you want to buy an ad on the front page, call The Fishwrap.