On Cinco de Mayo, please don’t ask if all of the ballots for our free, fair, open, and honest elections in Hamilton County should also be printed in Spanish. —Hamilton County Board of Elections
Do we need Spanish translators at our better-late-than-never Lincoln Reagan Day Dinner Night tonight with the same featured speaker Clermont County had two months ago? —Hamilton County RINO Party Boss ALEX t., Mall Cop GOP
Our illegal voters already know to vote. —Hamilton County Dem-Labor Party Chairman Tim Burka
More Sanctuary City Werbacks would’ve voted for me on Tuesday, but they were afraid of being deported. —Cincinnati’s Diminutive DemocRAT Mayor John Cranley
Stealth Elections are a great time to try to sneak through a tax increase. —Hamilton County Communities With Tax Hikes On Tuesday’s Ballots
Last weekend on the Soccer Fields on Kellogg, we ignored that sign some gringo put up that said “Bebidas alcohólicas prohibidas.” —Moises, Julio, Alfredo, and Jose
Our Hispano-Filipino employees in Manila also celebrated “Cinco de Mayo” while they weere mislabeling all communications from The Blower’s computer as “El Spamo.” —Cincinnati Bell
And on “Cinco De Mayo,” the word for a gay guy is “El Homosexual.” —Cincinnati Clown-cil Gay Chris Squealback
I dreamed I drank the world largest Margarita on Cinco de Mayo and woke up to find salt all over the rim of my toilet bowl. —Larry “The Cable Guy”
Did you see those hot girls I sponsored at Cincy-Cinco on Fountain Square mud wrestling in an inflatable pool filled with guacamole? —Jerry Springer
Which one of my extra nacho cheesy Cinco de Mayo pick-up lines do you like best: “I want to taste your fish taco,” “Hey chica! There’s like, a fiesta in my pantalones and you and your amigas are invited,” or “Do I have protection? Oh yeeee-ah, I’m wearing a rubber sombrero.” —SeñorAndrés Pappas
Every Cinco de Mayo I always remember what a hottieSasha Rionda used to be on TV12. —Horny in Harrison
Last year I showed how much I loved Hispanics by eating a Taco Bowl made in the Trump Tower Grill. —Donald Trump
Is tomorrow going to be a great Kentucky Derby or what? —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
I really like it when jockeys use a whip. —DemocrAT Dominatrix Kathy Groob
Never bet on “Short Leash,” he doesn’t finish. —Miss Vicki
That’s why we chose Will Rogers’, “Money, horse racing and women are three things the boys just can’t figure out.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
Did any of those little jockeys like to ride bareback? —Nobody Doesn’t Like Jenni Lee
We like it when they mention us when they sing “My Old Kentucky Home.” —Gay Darkies
We always favor a jockey who likes to come from behind. —Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis
Didn’t everybody you know bet on “Fake News?” —Turfway Touts
I still never figured out what “Mubtaahij” meant last two years ago. —Goof Doofus
On the anniversary of the date John Scopes was charged for teaching evolution in Tennessee, all candidates for a Darwin Award will get a free admission. —The Lizard Museum
Don’t forget Opening Day for my Y’All Ville baseball team is coming up in just a couple of weeks, and they haven’t lost a single game yet. —Mayor Blondie Whalen
Isn’t it amazing that this year “Cinco De Mayo” comes on May 5? —Trish the Dish, TV 19 News
If it came a day later, would we call it “Sexto de Mayo?” —WCPO-TV Helicopter Reporter Dan Carroll (Formerly with TV 19)
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This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Gay Darkies.
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