SUNDAY, APRIL 23, 2017
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says today would be William Shakespeare’s 453rd birthday. His collective works: 5 MB. Hurley’s inbox: 30,000 times larger, mostly unread.
NO WONDER OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose “No shit, Shakespeare” from a web page of same name.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL (OUR ODIOUS OCTEGENARIAN), THE BARD OF CLEVES: Just in time for to enjoy the warmer Spring weather, we found this special springy poem by our old friend Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves, from his latest book, “Sleazy Sonnets for All Seasons,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
“Spring is Here”
The clothes are getting skimpy
It’s time for a bikini wax
And a perfect time for friendly girls
To spend more time on their backs.
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “FAMILY FRIENDLY,” “Bring Your Children to Work Day” will be celebrated all over Ohio next Thursday, but nowhere more so than at the Patronage County Courthouse, where our three family-friendly county commissioners will be commemorating the event.
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says on Tuesday, President Trump signed his latest executive order, this one directing federal agencies to “aggressively promote and use American-made goods and to ensure that American labor is hired to do the job.” Voters are all for the order to “buy American, hire American,” even though many suspect it will cost taxpayers more.
THIS WEEK, OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER SAID LATE NIGHT COMEDIANS WERE STILL TAKING CHEAP SHOTS AT TRUMP, LIKE JIMMY FALLON’S: Chelsea Clinton recently said that when her mom traveled, she would leave a note for her every day that she was gone. Though every day the note just read, “Keep an eye on your father.”
CONAN O’BRIEN: Today, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un warned that he might unleash a “super mighty preemptive strike.” When she heard, Mrs. Kim Jong-un rolled her eyes and said, “Trust me, I wouldn’t worry about it.”
AND JIMMY KIMMEL: Time magazine today released its annual list of the “100 Most-Influential People in the World.” Making the list this year, Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong Un, Pope Francis, James Comey, and of course, Donald Trump. Hillary Clinton did not make the list. Which is really crazy. Hillary Clinton influenced a whole half of a country to vote for Donald Trump for president. You’d think that would be worth something
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER wonders about CityBeat’s Investigative Reporter Jim McNair report that the Ohio Supreme Court has ordered a halt in the liquidation of Greedy Hearse-Chasing, Disgraced-DemocRAT Clinton-loving, Fen-Phen Scandal Plagued, Trial Attorney $tan Che$ley’s law firm (read more about that here) and WTF is Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters doing appearing as a “non-attorney spokesperson for the Deters Law Firm” on TV.
THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL
Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #105 says you should invite all your Liberal friends to protest at a Tax Day Rally on Fountain Square, but that’s only if our Anti-Taxers remember to have a real rally on Tax Day this year.
GOING GALT means taking the John Galt Pledge. Let’s all say it together: “I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says Stocks rose last week as earnings season kicked into high gear. The uptick left both the Dow Jones Industrial Average and the S&P 500 solidly higher for the year so far, but still below the records they set in early March.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others. This week, a lot of places were giving away FREE STUFF on Tax Day. Maybe you’ll still get it if you tell them you filed an extension.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their “fake news” from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.
FINALLY AT TONIGHT’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders our Beloved Publisher Charles Foster Kane if President Trump really scheduled his Big 100-Day Revenge Rally in Pennsylvania to upstage the Disingenuous DemocRAT White House Correspondents Association on Saturday Night, just because he and his staff are boycotting their dinner in Washington to protest all that dishonest media coverage. “It’s probably not a coincidence,” Kane said.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially John Kasich, whose book The Fishwrap can’t do enough to promote probably doesn’t contain all those embarrassing pictures from Ohio’s Delusional Governor’s ridiculous presidential campaign last year.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”
MONDAY (APRIL 24) we’ll be checking out Obama’s appearance in Chicago where he’ll be back organizing all that resistance against Trump in person.
TUESDAY (APRIL 25) we’ll be checking out John Cranley’s TV commercials to see if he’s telling the truth about Yvette Simpson the same way he did about Foxy Roxy in 2013, and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” will explain why politicians score so low on our Veracity Scorecard.
WEDNESDAY (APRIL 26), we’ll be telling all the bosses out there not to forget what day it is.
THURSDAY (APRIL 27) we’ll celebrating “Take Your Incorrigible Children To Work Day.”
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (APRIL 28 LIMERICK IS “The Best Part About Paying Your Taxes.”
AND SATURDAY (APRIL 29) we’ll either be watching the government being shut down or we’ll be front row center at Trump’s Big 100-Day Revenge Rally in Pennsylvania to upstage the Disingenuous DemocRAT White House Correspondents Association, or maybe both.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Tonight’s Whistleblower Video Shows Us Why WLW Radio Trash Talker Bill Cunningham didn’t get Bill O’Reilly’s job on Fox TV.
You’ll see what the media elite think of Willie thought of Willie at the end of today’s ABC’s George Stephanopoulos interview when he said, “Now let’s talk to some smart people in New York.”
NOTE: The Reason This Video Looks All Screwed Up Is Because ABC Provided Some Really Screwed-Up Code. Maybe it was that damn commerical they added that you have to watch first.
The Whistleblower has always been 100% commercial free, unlike members of the mendacious news media. So if you want to buy an ad on the front page, call The Fishwrap.