FRIDAY, APRIL 21, 2017

Taxed to the Max

This week, everybody who thinks the tax code would be a lot simpler if over-paid Congressmen were forced to fill out every one of their constituents’ tax forms for free, e-mailed his entry to the Whistleblower Weekly Limerick Contest.

The winner is noted anti-taxer Scofflaw Tadwell, who says, “Why should you send your hard-earned money to the government, they’ll only spend it.” Scofflaw wins a handy list of 1,001 sure-fire deductions the IRS never disputes, a box of bogus receipts for charitable contributions, and the name of a good tax attorney, in case the first and second prizes don’t work. His winning limerick is:

The Best Part About Paying Your Taxes
Is getting Big Brother off our backses.
But dumbass liberals always want to pay more
To the welfare state they so mindlessly adore.
No wonder the country is being run by quackses!

Here’s a Dishonorable Mention from Somewhat Honorable Andrew Pappas
The best part about paying your taxes
Is the disappearance of paperwork stackses.
But if you think that Big Brother’s confiscation
Is going to take an overdue vacation
Then you must be smoking some serious crackses.

Bobby Leach says this is nostalgic
The best part about paying your taxes
Is getting Big Brother off our backses.
But Obama the Kenyan-born Lefty
Had an appetite insatiably hefty –
So hide your remaining cash and cover your trackses!

E Rob Sanders denies he sent this in
The best part about paying your taxes,
From what we can assume from your faxes,
Is that it would really be great,
To have one low flat rate,
With simple forms so we can all relaxes.

Rick “The Bat Boy” Robinson plans to include this in his next book
The best part about paying your taxes
(After they steal even your slacks) is
You can appeal what they say
But you won’t get your way
Regardless of what the facts is.

Bill Hemmer will do anything to get some local publicity
The best part about paying your taxes
Is how creative your accountant waxes.
He’ll itemize your deductions
With such inventive reductions
That he’ll shrink your tax bill to the maxes.

Roger Ach says “Paying taxes is for fools!”
The best part about paying your taxes
Is that it pays for the government’s praxis*
But you better remember
Since Obama was done last November
Your money no longer belongs to the Barrackses!

James “The Rock” Bogen doesn’t like paying taxes either
The best part about paying your taxes,
It buys saunas and bikini waxes.
Not for you, of course;
You still work like a horse
But Barack goes to a spa and relaxes!

And from the Anderson Laureate (who hasn’t even started working on his taxes):

The best part of paying your taxes
They’ll be well-spent, that’s what the facts is
The President can afford a vacation
And the Cabinet will each have a libation
And Congress can buy themselves bikini waxes

The best part about paying your taxes
Is that Michelle can now pay for bikini waxes
But for God’s sake, don’t look
Your eyeballs will cook
And the world will stop spinning on its axis.

The best part about paying your taxes
It that the hold on your wallet relaxes.
The government’s all thieves
No matter what Obama believes
And that’s just the truth about what the facts is.

Finally, here’s one from Robin in Ludlow where the last line doesn’t quite rhyme, but the sentiments are so endearing:
The Best Part About Paying Your Taxes
Is demonstrating just what the fact is
We work hard for our money
But that Bi-Racial Dummy
Would endlessly piss it away!

Note: Since those taxes we just paid on April 18 were for 2016 when Obama was still ruining the country, our limerick writers were still giving him all the credit.

The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“Do The Rich Really Want To Pay More?”

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially, Ohio’s Delusional Governor John Kasich, who still believes he will be the Republican Nominee for President in 2020.