THURSDAY, APRIL 6, 2017
Insults Uber Alles
This afternoon at The Conservative Agenda, some of the Political Insiders wondered why the flag was flying at half staff. Most people knew President Trump had ordered flags at all federal entities & institutions to be flown at half-staff honoring memory of former Senator John Glenn, who was finally being buried at Arlington today, after he became a Good DemocRAT last year and the best our Pathetic Ex-President Obama could do was to get Glenn on the waiting list.
“Whistleblower Headquarters isn’t a federal entity,” Kane explained. “We lowered our flag today to mourn the passing of one of my personal heroes, legendary caustic comedian Don Rickles. ‘Mr. Warmth’ died at 90 today.”
Our Late Night Jokewatcher always liked Don Rickles’ Obama zinger: “I shouldn’t make fun of the blacks. President Obama is a personal friend of mine. He was over to the house yesterday, but the mop broke.” Ba Dum TSS (Rim Shot)
Two years ago The Blower published “ONLY AT 88 COULD YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS,” not by Don Rickles, but rather a satirical political piece entitled “Don Rickles Roasts Congress… and Barack Obama” by Doug Ross
Hello, Dummies! Oh my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the accident?
Seriously, Senator Reid has a face of a Saint – A Saint Bernard. Now I know why they call you the arithmetic man. You add partisanship, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. Reid is so physically unimposing, he makes Pee Wee Herman look like Mr. T. And Reid’s so dumb, he makes Speaker Pelosi look like an intellectual. Nevada is soooo screwed! If I were less polite, I’d say Reid makes Kevin Federline look successful.
Speaking of the Speaker… Nancy Pelosi, hubba, hubba! Hey baby, you must’ve been something before electricity. Seriously, the ex- Speaker may look like an idiot and talks like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you. She really is an idiot.
Charlie Rangel … Still alive and still robbing the taxpayers blind. What does that make, six decades of theft? Rangel’s the only man with a rent-controlled mansion. He’s the guy who writes our tax laws but forgot to pay taxes on $75 grand in rental income! So why isn’t he the Treasury Secretary? Rangel runs more scams than a Nigerian Banker.
Barney Frank … he’s a better actor than Fred Flintstone. Consider that he and Dodd caused the whole financial meltdown, and they’re not only not serving time with Bubba and Rodney, they’re still heading up the financial system! Let’s all admit it … Barney Frank slobbers more than a sheepdog on Novocain. How did this guy get elected? Oh, that’s right … he’s from Massachusetts. That’s the state that elects Mr. Charisma, John Kerry — man of the people!
You know, if Senator Dodd were any more crooked, you could open wine bottles with him. Here’s a news flash, Dodd: When your local newspaper calls you a “lying weasel,” it may be time to retire. Dodd’s involved in more shady deals than the Clintons. Even Rangel looks up to him!
Former Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, I really respect you … Especially given your upbringing ~ All you’ve overcome. I heard your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory. I don’t know what makes you so dumb, but it really works for you. Personally, I don’t think you’re a fool, but what’s my opinion compared to that of thousands of others?
As for President Hussein Obama, what can I say? They say Hussein is arrogant and aloof, but I don’t agree. Now it’s true when you enter the room, you have to kiss his ring. I don’t mind, but he has it in his back pocket. His mind is open to new ideas — so open that ideas simply pass through it. Obama lies so much, I was actually surprised to find out his first name really is Barry or Barack or something? Just don’t ask about his middle name! But Obama was able to set a record… He actually lied more in one day than Bill Clinton did in four years.
But best of all, every year on Ronald Reagan’s Birthday, The Blower always shows the video of Don Rickles Going Nuts at Ronald Reagan’s Second Inaugural. That’s a classic.
“We’ll really miss Don Rickles,” Kane lamented. “Every time the caustic comedian needed a good insult, he’d always give us a call.”