MONDAY, MARCH 20, 2017
Happy BB & BJ Day, Everybody!
THE MEANING OF “BB”: Debbie Darling in the Whistleblower Research Department says The Blower might want to print this illustration in today’s e-dition for “Trish the Dish,” Sheree Paleontology, and anyone else who is not familiar with “BB & BJ Day.” Darling Debbie found it on the net while trying to find out just exactly what “BB” stands for. You won’t believe how many people have asked the same question.
The idea is simple: no cards, flowers, candy or other whimsical gifts. Ladies (and gay men), you simply bestow your partner with a steak and a blowjob. Not necessarily in that order.
Dave: “Hey Bob, what did Sally get you for Steak and Blowjob Day?”
Bob: “Well Dave, that would be a big juicy steak, and a big juicy blowjob.”
IN ANDERSON, Andrew the Greek, who’s been counting down the days until BB & BJ Day ever since his last B and B, explains the premise behind Steak and Blow Job Day follows gift-giving protocol from Valentine’s Day: If a man treats his wife, girl-friend or significant other to sweets, flowers, jewelry and/or dinner to make her feel special on Cupid’s holiday, then she should return the favor on March 20 with juicy oral sex and a succulent steak. If the man’s a dud, then keep your mouths closed dear ladies as he should not be the recipient of your sexual favors and cooking prowess.
The guys at PocketFives (whatever the hell that is) are now celebrating “Steak, Beer, Blow Job & Shut the Fuck Up Day.” Simple, effective and self-explanatory…this holiday has been created so you ladies can have a day to show your man just how much you love him.
Again, no cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town, the name of the holiday explains it all…just a steak, beer, a blow job and afterward just keep your fucking mouth shut for the rest of the day! That’s it!
This twin pairing of Valentine’s Day and Steak, Beer, Blow Job and Shut the Fuck Up Day will usher in a new age of love, as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! It’s like a perpetual love machine. The word is already spreading, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling.
This year, Catholic men can once again enjoy BB & BJ Day, since March 20 falls on a Monday during Lent, when Catholics traditionally would have had to abstain from any meat on the unofficial “Men’s Valentine’s Day.”
SODOMY RITES UPDATE: Whistleblower Alternative Life-Style Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis say today’s BB & BJ Day today’s BB & BJ Day will be just like any other Monday, except for the Beer and Beef. City Clowncil Gay Chris Squealback will be reading the proclamation.
Meanwhile at the Whistleblower Help Desk, Miss Manners says BB & BJ Day is the one day in the year it would not be impolite for a woman to talk with her mouth full. Montgomery Inn will be giving away extra bibs at Monday’s Businessman’s Special.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1854, the Republican Party was founded in Ripon, Wisconsin to oppose the spread of slavery into the western territories, and this year, President Trump is holding another 2020 Campaign Rally at Freedom Hall in Louisville scheduled to begin at 7:30 PM. The doors will open at 4:30 PM, but some people arrived as early as 5:00 AM this morning.
MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Chuck Palahniuk’s, “Sure, even the worst blow job is better than, say, sniffing the best rose, watching the greatest sunset, or hearing children laugh.” But Whistleblower Gossip Editor Linda Libel liked Devon Ashley’s “Just for the record, the way to a man’s heart isn’t through his stomach, but through the best fucking blow job ever. You want a man to be your bitch? Perfect your craft.”
BLUEGRASS BB & BJs: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says today’s Whistleblower BB & BJ Day Celebration will be the best ever. Last year, everybody was waiting to see if Disgraced DemocRAT Former Pants Dropper in Chief Bill Clinton showed up at the big BB & BJ Day Fundraiser for Hillary’s Legal Defense Fund at the Fort Mitchell Country Club and Passionate Pranksters changed the sign on the Water Tower on I-75 to read “Florence Y’all Come.”
Is it any surprise that The Blower is now the Official Publication for BB & BJ Day?
REACTION TO LAST YEAR’S COVERAGE ranged from Laurie’s “Please UN-subscribe me” to Rob’s “BB & BJ day has now replaced Mardi Gras as my favorite holiday.” This year we hope everybody gets what he really wants.
And it’s not as if The Blower has ever gone overboard with its coverage of this holiday, but this year when the CamBoozler Googled “BB & BJ Day,” the first several items were all from The Whistleblower-Newswire.
And on February 29, Google picked up “The 2016 Presidential Elections is now only “255” days away. And Bitch McConnell says “Thank goodness, BB & BJ Day comes every year on March 20 …”
And how about when Google recognized our entire “Official BB & BJ Day Edition?”
No wonder, it’s our favorite holiday in the entire year.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, everybody was lying about his plans for BB & BJ Day (especially Our Good Friend Bobby Leach who said, “I don’t ask for a blow ‘job’ because the word job makes it sound like its strenuous physical labor. Instead, I ask for mouth hugs.”) and Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if he’d heard those rumors that DemocRAT Opposition Researchers were in town looking through old yearbooks at UC to see what kind of damaging information they could uncover about local Conservatives to use in next year’s elections. “I sure hope they weren’t checking on me,” Kane replied, “especially to see if I was really pledging the college fraternity in 1956 that got kicked off campus for having a 15-year-old housemother. Steve told us she was at least 16.”
No wonder Charles Dickens might say our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher “knows how to keep BJs well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge.”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially “Gaggers.”
NOTE: there now appears to be some confusion between “BB & BJ Day” on March 20, and “Steak and Blowjob Day” on March 14, for some men who just couldn’t wait. It’s just like Early Voting. Just think— all those guys you see standing in line outside the Board of Erections were really just waiting for a blow job.
More BB & BJ Day E-Cards
Another Proud Sponsor and Avid Fan
Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our March fund-raising drive by BJ’s Restaurant and Brewhouse in Anderson, offering Curbside BJs, Full Bar, Happy Hour Specials, Kids Menu, Takeout Menu, and Call Ahead Waiting (whatever the hell that means).
BB & BJ DAY HOTLINE
e-mail your last-minute gift-giving suggestions today.
Some vile-and-disgusting items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally vile-and-disgusting subscribers, like this tasteful BB & BJ Day Card.
Whistleblower Videos of the Day
“Steak & BJ Day!” by Deviancy Amplification Spiral
Steak and a BJ Day Anthem (It’s My Day)
Steak and a Blow Job Day
Fast Times at Ridgemont High (3/10) Movie CLIP – Carrot Practice
March 14th (must watch) deforestation on steak and BJ day
Valentine’s Day Vrs March 14th Steak & BJ Day for Men!
(Not Sent in by Women’s History Month Faux Facebook Friend Patty Brisben, because our Good Friend Joe Braun at Straus Troy says our Dildo World CEO is still busy hoping to sponsor the entire A&E “Sluts in the Suburbs” program Sunday night.)
Note: people who work in government offices should be receiving The Whistleblower on their home computers because we do not approve of public servants wasting time reading this trash on over-taxed payers’ time (except when you have something to snitch).