SUNDAY, JANUARY 1, 2017
HURLEY THE HISORIAN says on this date in 1863, Republican President Abraham Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation calling on the Union army to liberate all slaves in states still in rebellion as “an act of justice,” and despite fighting it tooth and nail from Day One, Dishonest DemocRATS have been taking credit for it ever since.
THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE CHOSE Lincoln’s “What I did, I did after very full deliberation, and under a heavy and solemn sense of responsibility. I can only trust in God that I have made no mistake.”
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says Americans appear to be a bit more excited about the new year (MORE)
WEDNESDAY NIGHT (DECEMBER 21) OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked JIMMY FALLON’s: Donald Trump loves Christmas. It’s the one time of year where he can say, “Those are real, those are fake,” and claim he was talking about Christmas trees.
SETH MEYERS said: Bill O’Reilly said last night that liberals want to eliminate the Electoral College because they want power taken away from the white establishment. Bill, you don’t have to say, “White establishment.” It’s redundant. That’s like saying ATM machine. The “M” means machine.
STEPHEN COLBERT on Face The Nation today said: “I’d like to interview Trump in “respectful” way.
MORE POLITICAL POETRY: Today, Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves, is wangling for an invitation to Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s Surprise Birthday Party, which is probably why he included it in his “Erotic Birthday Greetings,” available at better sticky-pages bookstores everywhere.
Birthday Greetings From a Grouch
I hear you’re having a birthday,
But I know not which one.
I do know that, however,
You’re too old to have any fun.
Tho once your hopes were high,
You’re now forced to aim them lower.
All you can do is sit on your ass,
And write that damned Whistleblower.
Note: Mrs. Kane enthusiastically assisted in the preparation of this poem.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL: Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. This week, let’s all re-read the “Mikey Brown Story.”
LAST WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE TITLED “SO NOW YOU KNOW” first appeared in the Mt. Washington Press on December 23, 1981, and was personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER knows how many Fuse and Zoomtown customers are not be getting their money’s worth these days, especially whenever Cincinnati Bell’s servers decide to mislabel their nightly media advisories from The Blower as “Spam.” Tomorrow Mr. Muck may even start naming them.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” # 360 is to ask a Liberal what’s the difference between DemocRATS in Congress and a group of drunken sailors. Answer: About a trillion dollars.
GOING GALT: The phrase “Going Galt” doesn’t simply mean getting angry. “Going Galt” means recognizing that you’re being punished not for your vices but for your virtues.
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says The euphoria that took the U.S. stock market to all-time highs in December on great expectations for more fiscal spending and tax reforms following Donald Trump’s surprise presidential election victory is fizzling out and could make for soggy price action over the next few weeks, according to analysts.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others. Players on the team that wins the College Football Playoff championship this season will have “secured a total gift haul of up to $5,620 should they run the table across their conference title game, the semifinal bowl game and the Jan. 9 national championship,” according to the latest issue of SportsBusiness Journal— but it won’t be Urban Meyer’s Buckeyes, those poor pathetic 31-0 losers.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.
FINALLY AT SATURDAY’S MEETING OF CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were definitely not asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about his Surprise Birthday Party on Thursday, because he’s not supposed to know about.
The reason it wasn’t a surprise last year was when the Whistleblower interns put up all those banners and decorations a week early. And the large sign in the front yard was a dead giveaway, too.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially all those folks who attended Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s Surprise Birthday Party at Kane’s McMansion last year. There weren’t quite as many freeloaders as those who showed up at Trump’s New Year’s Eve Party in Mar-a-Lago Saturday night, but for Cincinnati, it was quite a crowd.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (JANUARY 2) The Blower will be featuring our Annual our Significant Birthdays E-dition, and we’ll be interviewing all those celebrities who’ve already RSVPed to attend our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s Surprise Birthday Party, while we’re continuing our countdown of the 18 days remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term unless he’s impeached.
TUESDAY (JANUARY 3) our Real Subscribers will be checking to see if their long-awaited Hamilton County Property Tax Bills have finally arrived.
WEDNESDAY, (JANUARY 4) we’ll be checking to see how folks are doing with their New Year’s Resolutions so far.
THURSDAY (JANUARY 5) we’ll be watching to see what more damage Obama has done to America during his final days in office.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (JANUARY 6) LIMERICK IS: “So what should Conservatives do now?”
AND SATURDAY (JANUARY 7) is the date of CFK’s Big Surprise Birthday Party, and let’s hope they don’t run out of candles again this year.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Tonight’s Whistleblower Video
The Blower wonders how Obama’s Bathroom Policy Would Affect This?
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