TUESDAY, APRIL 12, 2016
Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers
Friday is your dreaded, when asked which is worse, going to the dentist or filing their income taxes, it’s a close call. Nearly half of Americans would rather sit in the dentist’s chair than do tax paperwork.. —Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen
Next Friday (April 24) will be is TAX FREEDOM DAY for everybody in the United States this year. That means Americans will have worked 114 days during 2016 before they have earned enough money to pay this year’s tax obligations at the federal, state and local levels. —Your Friends at the Tax Foundation
That’s why we chose John Marshall’s “The power to tax involves the power to destroy.” That was in 1819. We wonder what that conservative Chief Justice would say today. —Your Quote for Today Committee
On April 15, 1865, Abraham Lincoln, the 16th president of the United States, was shot by John Wilkes Booth, an actor and Confederate sympathizer. This year, affiliates of the Islamic State group released an animated video depicting a jihadist beheading US President Barack Obama. —Hurley the Historian
Does anybody remember two years ago when we decreased our charitable donations from 1.5 % of our incomes to .05 %? Many people were surprised when we raked in $26,400 in 2012 by renting a cottage on the property of our Delaware home to the Secret Service. No wonder I was bragging on YouTube that I now make a lot of money, Man! —Those Benevolent Bidens
What kind of lies would you like me to tell you about cutting taxes? —Disgraced DemocRAT Presidential Candidate Hillary Benghazi Clinton
Even though we won’t be having a big Tax Day Rally on Fountain Square this year, we will be having a fund-raiser the Eastgate Holiday Innon Friday where you can hear our organizers bloviate endlessly about their claims of all they’ve accomplished, and we’ll really be hounding you for donations once you get there.—TEA Party Patriots Passing the Hat
Instead of a tax code that crushes innovation [and] imposes burdens on families struggling to make ends meet,” imagine a simple flat tax that lets every American file his or her taxes on a postcard. —Current Republican Presidential Candidate Ted Cruz
Ronald Reagan was the last president we had to say we’re going to dramatically cut tax rates. And guess what? More revenue came in, and tens of millions of jobs were created. — Ex-Republican Presidential Candidate Rand Paul
Instead of a tax code that crushes innovation [and] imposes burdens on families struggling to make ends meet,” imagine a simple flat tax that lets every American file his or her taxes on a postcard. —Ex-Republican Presidential Candidate Ben Carson
The federal government’s $19.2 trillion national debt now exceeds our nation’s Gross Domestic Product. This lunacy must stop. Private industries regularly balance their budgets by implementing real spending cuts. The federal government should hold itself to the same standard. —Kentucky Republican Congressman Thomas Massie
Remember, our April 15 deadline for filing your federal taxes is for real, it’s not just one of those phony baloney ObamaCare deadlines we’re all become accustomed to during Obama’s Failed Second Term. —Your Friends at the IRS
Most people don’t have to keep their tax records for more than three years, but if we suspect you’re a tax cheat, we’ll make you produce every document from the day you were born. —Your Friends at the IRS
And if all of that isn’t newsworthy enough, let’s all watch me win the Liberal Liars Award when I tried to explain our “Voluntary Tax System.” —Disgraced DemocRAT U.S. Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —
This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially our Procrastinators.
TAX CHEATS HOTLINE
e-mail your dishonest deductions today.
Some less-than-honest items in today’s Blower were sent in by our less-than-honest items subscribers.
TurboTax: The Rap (Extended Version)
(Sent in by Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend Ohio State Senator Bill “The Ethnic Cleanser” Seitz, showing us what he looks like on Tax Day.)
Note: people who work in government offices should be receiving The Whistleblower on their home computers because we do not approve of public servants wasting time reading this trash on over-taxed payers’ time (except when you have something to snitch).