SUNDAY, APRIL 10, 2016
More Politics Unusual
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says What a mess! Both major political parties continue stumbling toward their national conventions after another state primary illustrates how far out of step party leaders are with their own voters. [READ MORE HERE]
OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Jimmy Fallon’s: The presidential election has shifted its focus to New York. And a lot of candidates are already here campaigning. It’s the first time that the city that never sleeps is like, “Well, good night.” Hillary Clinton was campaigning in New York today and actually visited Yankee Stadium. Bernie Sanders spent the entire day looking for the Brooklyn Dodgers. “They were here when I left! Where did they go? Where are they?” On the Republican side, I saw that Ted Cruz visited a matzah factory in Brooklyn. Of course, matzah is the unleavened bread that Jewish people eat for Passover, and Ted Cruz is the presidential candidate that New Yorkers will definitely pass over.
Conan O’Brien said: After losing in Wisconsin, there has been a big shake-up in the Trump campaign staff. In fact, the guy in charge of racist comments is now in charge of sexist comments. John Kasich had to move his campaign event to a larger venue when he got more RSVPs than expected. Kasich said, “We had to move it from a toll booth to a Sunglass Hut.” Two dangerous mentally-ill men have escaped from a Washington state psychiatric hospital. They’re now the leading contenders in the Republican presidential race.
And Seth Meyers said: The New York primary is fast approaching and Ted Cruz today stopped in Brooklyn to tour a matzah bakery. But he still didn’t see as many crackers as Donald Trump does at his rallies. While campaigning in New York today, Hillary Clinton rode the subway and had to swipe her metro card five times before getting through a turnstile. Though if you know Hillary Clinton, you know she’ll keep trying until she gets in. She swiped her metro card five times, which means it only took the crowd behind her 10 seconds to go from “Oh my God it’s Hillary!” to “Let’s go lady!”
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1933, FDR established the Civilian Conservation Corps (a federally funded organization that put thousands of Americans to work during the Great Depression on projects with environmental benefits), or as Obama would call it, “The good old days”
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL (OUR ODIOUS OCTEGENARIAN), THE BARD OF CLEVES: Just in time for to enjoy the warmer Spring weather, we found this special springy poem by our old friend Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves, from his latest book, “Sleazy Sonnets for All Seasons,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
“Spring is Here”
The clothes are getting skimpy
It’s time for a bikini wax
And a perfect time for friendly girls
To spend more time on their backs.
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “Losers Legacies” Commissioner Swindle talks about CINCINNATI’S SWEETHEART KATHLEEN SEBELIUS, who resigned in disgrace as Obama’s Failed Pro-Abortion Secretary of Health and Human Service. This op-ed column first appeared in The Blower’s April 12, 2014 in our “Stamp of Approval” E-dition,
OUR MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER wonders why journalists write stories about 200 churches supporting Sodomy Rites and ignore 10,000 much larger churches that support traditional marriage. Does that equal media bias? Here at the Whistleblower, we have no such bias.
We gladly mock the self-deprecating believers as well as the pious hypocrites! We’ll even leave it to you to decide who is who!
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #105 says you should invite all your Liberal friends to protest at a Tax Day Rally on Fountain Square, but that’s only if our Anti-Taxers remember to have a real rally on Tax Day this year.
GOING GALT means taking the John Galt Pledge. Let’s all say it together: “I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says, the economy may not be in recession but corporate earnings are, and what is forecast to be the worst reporting season in more than six years is about to begi
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others, and Americans like free stuff. That’s one reason why Socialist Senator Bernie Sanders is popular with low-paid workers and students. He is going to make everything free – free health care, free college, free family leave, free day care, free this, free that. You know something is incredibly wrong when even liberal Hillary Clinton bemoans all the free stuff Bernie wants to give away. Clinton tells DemocRAT voters to read the fine print on Sanders’ cascading waterfall of free stuff.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press.
FINALLY AT TONIGHT’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were with our Dreaded Tax Day quickly approaching, Political Insiders were discussing the Tax Plans of the surviving Republican Presidential Candidates.
But regardless of who’s elected in 212 more days, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane now once again offers his three common-sense suggestions to fix our whole tax-and-spending mess:
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (APRIL 11) will be Tax Freedom Day in Kentucky, and we’ll be continuing to count down the 284 unproductive days for the rest of the nation remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached.
WEDNESDAY (APRIL 13) we’ll be checking with people who’ve had their taxes done so they can find out how much of their hard-earned money will be confiscated by the IRS on April 18 so Obama and our Crooks in Congress can keep pissing it away.
THURSDAY (APRIL 14) we’ll be we’ll be we’ll be checking in to see how long it’ll be before “Tax Freedom Day” for America, when the nation as a whole has earned enough money to pay off its total tax bill for the year.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t especially scandal-plagued Hillary Benghazi Clinton. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows us just how long ago it was when Hillary first stared lying.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
Today’s Whistleblower Video
If You Break Into $tan$ House, This Is What’s You’ll Hear