SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 21, 2016
More Politics Unusual
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1965 Malcolm X, an African American nationalist and religious leader, was assassinated by rival Black Muslims while addressing his Organization of Afro-American Unity.
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen The unexpected death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia has set off a political battle over who should get to nominate his replacement, but voters tend to think the choice should be President Obama’s, not the next president’s. However, 69% say it’s unlikely the Senate will approve an Obama nominee.
OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Jimmy Fallon’s: I saw that Pope Francis scolded a crowd in Mexico this week after people excited to touch him accidentally made him fall. Even the devil was like, “Oh you all messed up now.” When asked about Donald Trump, Pope Francis said that people who build walls are not Christians. And Donald said, “Of course I’m a Christian. Do you know how many carpenters named Jesus I have working for me?” During a CNN town hall last night, Ted Cruz was talking about how much he likes singing and even treated the crowd to a little Stevie Wonder. Stevie Wonder was like, “Even I know that dude is white.” Over on the DemocRAT side, Bernie Sanders is getting the support of students at Hillary Clinton’s alma mater, Wellesley College. Now Hillary Clinton is trying to get the support of Bernie’s alma mater, Jurassic Park.
James Corden says: Pope Francis stated that he did not think that Donald Trump is a true Christian because of Trump’s beliefs on immigration. I know you’re thinking there goes the Pope’s chance of being on the next season of “Celebrity Apprentice.” Do you know how wrong you have to be for a Pope to dislike you? I mean the Pope’s entire thing is literally forgiveness. Pope John Paul hung out with the guy who tried to assassinate him and now Pope Francis is like, “I can’t with this Trump guy. I can’t.” Trump fired back saying the Pope will wish Donald Trump were president if the Vatican is ever attacked. I have to say, the one time I think people will wish Trump was president is if Ted Cruz is president. In a historic move, the Pope also suggested that it might be acceptable to use contraception in order to prevent the spread of the Zika virus. That’s not surprising to me because once you start debating with Donald Trump, birth control starts to seem like a pretty good idea.
Jimmy Kimmel said: In South Carolina, things are looking up for Ted Cruz. Ted Cruz for the first time is ahead of Donald Trump in a national poll. Of course Trump is suing the poll. The poll is what they call an outlier. Every other national poll shows Trump with a big lead. In fact, it’s such an outlier, it might just be a liar without the out. The Pope is in Mexico and on his way home he was asked about Donald Trump, and the Pope said, “A person who thinks only about building walls wherever they may be and not building bridges is not a Christian.” Which of course is nonsense — Donald Trump made it very clear that his favorite book is the Bible. If I told you two years ago that Donald Trump would be in a fight with the Pope you’d think I was insane. I mean this makes Taylor Swift versus Kanye West look like nothing.
And Seth Meyers said: Ben Carson said during last night’s town hall that he shoots pool to relax. Oh, he shoots pool? Because based on his energy level, I would have guessed heroin. Donald Trump responded to criticism from Pope Francis today, and said the pontiff will wish Trump was president “if and when” the Vatican is attacked by ISIS. Though I think what he meant to say was, “That’s a nice Vatican you got there. It would be a shame if somethin’ was to happen to it.”
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” it it says instead of using the term “Liberal,” why not try “libtard?” It’s apt (liberal + retard = libtard), it’s highly offensive, and quite wonderfully not Politically Correct. What’s not to like?
GOING GALT means taking the John Galt Pledge. Let’s all say it together: “I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “SAME PLAY, DIFFERENT PLAYERS,” We learned what happened in Patronage County on Presidents’ Day. That op-ed column first appeared in the legendary Mt. Washington Press on February 18, 1981.
Ode to Presidents’ Days
George Washington, your day is through.
Abe Lincoln, you are done.
Instead of honoring your birthdays,
We just have retail fun.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL: Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. This week’s Seediest Kid of All was Young Buckwheat Blackwell, who learned about politics at an early age. [READ MORE HERE]
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES is looking at a Forecast of CAUTION with a neutral forecast-bias means the indices are nearly equally weighted; no positive or negative advantage; the market could be up one day, down the next.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others, and many Free Grain Party Members can hardly wait until the next Disingenuous DemocRAT Debate to see how much FREE Stuff is being promised. But here’s some news for all those Bernie Sanders supporters. All that Free Stuff you’re being promised will be very expensive.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press.
FINALLY AT TONIGHT’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were still asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if his Charles Foster Kane’s Faux Facebook Page is still disabled. “Obviously,” Kane explained, “It was disabled after somebody maliciously reported that our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher who’s been publishing The Blower for the past 25 years might not be a real person.”
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (FEBRUARY 22), we’ll be Washington’s Real Birthday because The Blower believes the Father of Our Country deserves a holiday of his own, while we’re continuing our countdown of the 332 days remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless he’s impeached.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially REAL RACISTS!
Also Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Hamilton County’s Disingenuous Double-Dipping Democrat Auditor, who still hasn’t explained exactly how his office came up with its Fair Property Values for your Jacked-Up Property Taxes. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows us what might happen if you file a complaint with the Auditor’s Board of Revision.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
Today’s Whistleblower Video
We’ll Review One More Time How Second Place Finisher in New Hampshire Ohio Governor John Kasich Managed To Come In Fifth in Saturday Night’s South Carolina Primary