TUESDAY, JANUARY 5, 2014
Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers
Thursday’s celebrity birthdays include three American icons: Millard Fillmore, 13th president of these United States; Paul Revere, the New England Patriot who rode through every Middlesex village and farm to warn that the British were coming; and of course, Our Very Own Beloved Whistleblower Publisher, Charles Foster Kane. —Hurley the Historian
I’m wondering if anybody will be wishing me an early Happy Birthday on my Faux Facebook Page tomorrow. —Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane
Only the Bungals would keep a coach for 13 years without winning a playoff game, including four in a row (2011, 2012, 2013, and 2014) where they played unprepared, uninspired, sloppy football. —Troublemaking Tailgater Tino Delgato
Wait till your Beloved Publisher sees what we did to his tax bill. We’ll just call it a “birthday” present. —Your Disingenuous Double-Dipping Democrat Auditor Who Was Also Permitted to Run Unopposed
This is the first tax bill where Angry Andersonians will get to pay a lot more taxes because that humongous $103 million Tax Hike Scam foisted on them by now ALL THREE CURRENT Anderson Township Trustees, at least for the next 1,400 days. —Forrest Gump School Board members Randy Smith and Jim Frooman who ran unopposed for re-election in 2015 as a reward for their part “Smiling Dallas” Jackson’s $103 million building bond issue scam that would increase everybody’s property taxes by hundreds and thousands of dollars
Please thank Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception for including us in last year’s rendition of Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s Party After the After Party. —Howard Wilkinson, Laure “Not So” Cleanlivin, Ohio GOP Governor John Kasich, Lady Ga Ga, Roseanne Barr, President of Iran, Mayor Mallory, Trish “the Dish,” Mitt Romney, Hillary, “JayWalking Joe” Deters, Foxy Roxy, Vladimir Putin, “Millionaire Mike” Brown, Obama’s Mooch, the Birthday Boy, Whoopi Cushion, Sarah Baby, and Bill Springerinham
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer—
Sometimes The Blower makes fun of Celebrity Birthdays to show that always all that obsessing over celebrities is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, CELEBRITY-OBSESSED, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones on Channel 5.
This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially WLWT AnchorBabe Sheree Paolello (whose name we have to look up how to spell every time we use it).
CONSERVATIVE CAMPAIGN HOT LINE
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
Our Classic Mike Brown Video from 2010