SUNDAY, JANUARY 31, 2016
More Politics Unusual
OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Conan O’Brien’s: Donald Trump said his war with Fox News is Christian because it’s “an eye for an eye.” When told the actual quote from the New Testament is “turn the other cheek,” Trump said, “Hey, no gay stuff.” Huge Republican debate tonight, and the big story is Donald Trump refuses to participate. He looked at the other candidates and said “these guys are crazy.” Mike Huckabee has released a campaign video where he parodies Adele’s song “Hello.” And just like Adele, we only hear from Mike Huckabee every four years. Nearly 70 percent of Americans said a Trump presidency would make them “anxious.” And 30 percent said a Trump presidency would make them “Canadian.” Jimmy Kimmel said: Earlier tonight on Fox News was the Republican presidential debate without Donald Trump, which is kind of like Corn Flakes without the milk. Trump refused to appear in the debate because of a dispute he’s having with Fox News and one of their hosts, Megyn Kelly. He’s had a problem with Megyn Kelly ever since she followed him back to his cottage in the woods and found out his real name is Trumpelstiltskin. If this were WWE, Donald Trump would have shown up in Iowa tonight with a mask and a folding chair and started beating everyone over the head. Trump got a major endorsement this week from the reverend Jerry Falwell Jr. It does seem strange that a Christian leader would endorse a candidate who’s kind of a poster child for the seven deadly sins: Pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth. Which in this case — Is living on his head. On the DemocRAT side, Bernie Sanders is acting a little Donald Trump-y and said he wants more debates but not on Hillary Clinton’s terms, he wants them on his own terms, specifically two hours long with a half-hour break in the middle so he can watch “Wheel of Fortune.”
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1865, a Republican-controlled Congress passed the 13th Amendment abolishing slavery in the United States. Do you think any of our Obama Supporters at PMSNBC will be talking about that today?
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says Iowa votes on Monday, and we’ll begin to find out if the Trump phenomenon and the Sanders surge are for real. Right now belief among Republican voters nationwide that Donald Trump will be their party’s eventual nominee is again at its highest level to date. Many pundits and political professionals said it was a bad move for Trump to skip the final debate before the Iowa caucus, but our earlier polling suggests otherwise. [READ MORE HERE]
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” No. 256 says to Define multiculturalism as a State-sanctioned grievance industry that stokes division and resentment, while always under the delusion that it is doing something positive called “celebrating diversity.”
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “TRUTH —THE BEST DEFENSE,” We heard what happened when Muck Raker, political columnist for the Patronage County Innuendo, testified as an expert witness at $10 million libel suit against the National Enquirer. That op-ed column first appeared in the legendary Mt. Washington Press on March 25, 1981.
No Girl Jumping Out of a Cake Again This Year
I just had a birthday.
Now I’m a golden oldie.
My body is all worn out.
And is getting kind of moldy.
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER had a story this week about Metro bus Driver Tyrone Patrick, who hit and killed a 73-year old pedestrian, Stephen Frank, at the intersection of Erie Avenue and Edwards Road in Hyde Park. In case you missed it, you can read it HERE.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL: Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. This week, let’s all re-read the “Schnozzy Heimlich Story.”
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says Reuters reported Wall Street surged over 2% on Friday after the Bank of Japan unexpectedly cut interest rates and Microsoft led a major rally in technology shares, repairing some of the damage to the S&P 500’s worst January since 2009. Slammed by collapsing oil prices that have fed doubts about the health of the global economy, stocks have had a volatile start to the year. At one point last week, the S&P’s loss for 2016 reached 11% before recovering to end the month down 5 percent.The index rose 2.48 percent on Friday, it was the strongest day since September.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others, and last Sunday many Free Grain Party Members were watching the Disingenuous DemocRAT Debate to see how much FREE Stuff is being promised.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press.
FINALLY AT TONIGHT’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane what why his Charles Foster Kane’s Faux Facebook Page had been disabled. Do you think somebody might have maliciously complained that our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher might not be a “real person?”
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (FEBRUARY 1): Hawkeye Bureau Chief Jan Mickelson will be covering the Iowa Caucuses, while we’re continuing our countdown of the 353 days remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless he’s impeached.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Hamilton County’s Disingenuous Double-Dipping Democrat Auditor, who still hasn’t explained exactly how his office came up with its Fair Property Values for your Jacked-Up Property Taxes that are due on Ground Hog’s Day Eve. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows how the Auditor’s Employees are prepared.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
Whistleblower Video of the Day
Lie Witness News – MLK Day Edition