MONDAY, AUGUST 24, 2015
What Ordinary Americans Think About America’s Future
Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen reports only 29% of Likely U.S. Voters say the country is heading in the right direction. This finding is down three points from 32% the week before. And just thing how must lower the nation’s optimism might during the 514 Days of Dishonesty and Division for America remaining for the duration of the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached.
That’s why The Whistleblower rounded up some of our usual suspects. We found them still praying for jobs at a candle-light vigil around the Peace Pole in Anderson Township Sunday morning. We just had to find out how many of those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, thought America was still on the right track under the Obama Administration.
Mama Maruska, Retired Homemaker: Tell Obama and both Houses of Congress things have gotten so bad, my children have been out of work for the past seven years. They’ve all moved back home with me along with the grandchildren, and not one of those ingrates is even willing to clean up his own room.
Porky Dorkman, Student: My teacher (who belongs to the union) said everybody in the class had to go home and tell our parents to call their Republican Members of Congress and demand they tell GOP Speaker of the House John Boehner to pass Amnesty so DemocRATS will have more voters in the future.
Marlene Mandible, Totally Unemployable: I hope those mean-spirited Republicans in Congress forget about “Defunding Planned Parenthood,” because the Ladies on “The View” say DemocRAT Senate Leader Harry Reid will be forced to shut down the government so our Obama Supporters in the Press can blame it on the Republicans.
Norma Rashid, Former TV5 Anchorwoman: If Republicans in Congress would only forget to investigate all of Obama’s many scandals, I could just sit home alone still waiting for Charlie to call, except every time the phone rings it’s just another recorded message from Michelle or some other DemocRAT celebrity telling me not to forget to vote for Jack Conway in Kentucky’s Gubernatorial Race in only 71 more days.
Linda Libel, Gossip Columnist: If Phil Bur-ass and Citizens for Community Values would only forget about their obsession against “Sodomy Rites,” The Blower would find more space to publish more about the people in local government registered on the Ashley Madison database, and I could report on all those adulterers and adulteresses in local news rooms during the past twenty years.
Jack Mehoff, Used Solar Panel Salesman: If Obama would only forget about reviewing programs that equip local police departments with military gear from the Pentagon, some of our smaller local communities would be well enough equipped to enforce their laws the next time #BlackTicketsMatter wants to protest.
Suzie Soccermom, TEA Party Princess: If Republicans in Congress stop caving in to Obama and the Disingenuous DemocRATS every chance they get, I could try to get a ride so I could attend the next all-important sign-waving “Impeach Obama Now” street protest near the State Capitol building in Columbus whenever somebody schedules one.
Reverum Calhoun, Minister: If Racist Republicans in Congress would only forget about “Impeaching Obama,” we could all be watching to see if Obama and Reverend Al Sharpton invoke the names of Michael Brown, Trayvon Martin and Sam Dubose on the 52nd Anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King’s Speech on August 28, especially since that racist White University of Cincinnati cop murdered that innocent Black man who was trying to turn his life around.
Leroy Williams, Street Corner Pharmacist: If Obama and Both Houses of Congress would only forget about “The War on Drugs,” we could all get behind candidates like Loony Libertarian Jim Berns, who pandered to black weed smokers during his “Don’t Ask, Don’t Smell Ad” on Da Buzz.
Awan Afuqya, Muslim Sympathizer: If Republicans in Congress would only forget about Obama’s support for Terrorist Organizations, we could promise not to hurt the feelings of all those Murdering Muslims Who Want to Destroy America on September 11 which just happens to be the 14th anniversary of those Radical Islamists’ attack on America that claimed 2,996 lives.
Emily Frump, Retired City Employee: If Republicans in Congress would only stop worrying about how much time Obama spends playing golf on vacation and flying to fund-raisers, and The Fishwrap would stop worrying about covering every item on The Liberal Agenda, maybe our Extreme Liberal City Clown-cil would stop wasting millions on that stupid streetcar and do something start worrying about my pension plan.
Bunky Tadwell, The Bard of Cleves: How’s this for my poem today?
If Republicans in Congress would only stop worrying about Balancing the Budget,
Over-taxed payers will be even deeper in debt.
And now that Obama’s in his seventh year,
You still ain’t seen nothing yet.
Seedy Diehl, Northern Kentucky Homeless Guy Still Living Under The Bridge: If Governors and Legislatures in Ohio and Kentucky would only figure out that charging people tolls is the only way to get somebody to pay for a new Brent Spence Bridge because there will never be enough money in the Federal Budget, I could return to my refrigerator box at the hobo camp and let all you over-taxed payers pay my Medicaid expenses under the ObamaTax provisions?
CH Snitch, 1000 Main Street: If Hamilton County Commissioners couldn’t even decide how to get the City of Cincinnati to pay for repairs on its own Music Hall and Museum Center properties last year, how do you expect them to get anything important done between now and November 8, 2016 when RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP is supposed to keep all of party hacks busy campaigning for Republicans’ 2016 re-election campaigns.
Sid Schlock, Slumlord: If Local Republicans in Congress would only forget about their “Path to Prosperity,” some of those deadbeats on welfare who live in my run-down property might even be able to afford to pay the rent and I could afford to contribute to their campaigns.
Ken CamBoo, Northern Kentucky Journalist: Kentucky Republicans must have realized Bluegrass Senator Rand Paul was not really a serious candidate for Republicans to nominate as their candidate for President next year, so they changed the rules to let him run for re-election in the United States Senate at the same time.
TEA Party Tim: If Republicans in Congress would only forget about “Obama’s Latest Distraction” to deflect from all those scandals that aren’t so phony after all, there might be more time for TEA Party members to work on more important things, like telling Ohio Governor John Kasich to stop wasting his time running for President.
Earl Pitts, Taxidermist: If Obama and both Houses of Congress would only start worrying about finding full-time jobs for unemployed Americans, we could all really celebrate Labor Day next weekend, where we could listen to all those speeches at Coney Island telling us how much Unions hate ObamaCare this year, after telling us to re-elect Obama because of ObamaCare in 2012.
Ed Norton, Currently Furloughed Northern Kentucky Sewer Worker: If Republicans in Congress would only stop worrying about demands to bail out unions in Detroit, maybe AFL-CIO President Richard Trumka would let me get a non-union job trying to do something about the sewage spills and stench still plaguing that Louisville Mobile Home Park owned by Nathan “Cornbread” Smith.
REAL AMERICANS HOT LINE
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Some focus group comments in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally unfocused subscribers.
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