Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Happy April Fools Day, Everybody!
Our first financial disclosure deadline of the year has just passed, when Republicans like Rob “Fighting for Same Sex Global Warming” Portman and Brad WenSchmidt groveling for a $20.16 donation because they need your help to make sure they could send a message to the Disingenuous DemocRATS that they are united and ready for 2016, while at the same time Obama and the D-RATS are churning out scare grams trying to raise money by supposedly exposing the GOP’s plans to crush Medicare and give the wealthy more tax breaks.
Standing with Governor Pence for Freedom
(Or Back Homo Again in Indiana)
Republican Indiana Governor Mike Pence recently signed into law a Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA) that protects people who live their daily lives according to their faith against government discrimination. This law reflects polling that shows 81% of Americans support the freedom to live out one’s beliefs. The Indiana law is like the federal RFRA that was signed by President Bill Clinton in 1993, and RFRAs in 19 other states.
Now, a leftist-driven movement has spread misinformation about the law, threatened boycotts and fomented false rhetoric in the media and online. Even in our day, the price of freedom is steep, and Governor Pence is standing strong for freedom despite the cost. Efforts are about to pressure Governor Pence to support changing or amending the law to weaken it. All Americans who live according to their religious beliefs should be free from fear of government punishment. I stand with Governor Pence in his support of religious freedom as stated in the Indiana RFRA, and urge him to oppose all efforts to change the law.
OUR STUPID LIBERAL LIARS AWARD COMMITTEE has too many nominations for today’s award, with every Liberal and MoonBat in creation squealing about those Homo Haters in Indiana, who dared to pass a Homophobic Religious Freedom Law. Obama’s Race Baiter Al Sharpton compared Indiana’s Homophobic Religious Freedom Law to slavery and Jim Crow. Apple CEO Tim Cook who slammed Indiana over its Homophobic Religious Freedom Law is the same CEO who negotiated the deal to sell iPhones in Islamic Countries that execute Gays. And Indiana Bureau Chief Hoosier Daddy says a whiny rock band even cancelled its Indiana concert over Indiana’s Homophobic Religious Freedom Law, but even stupider, that dumbed down group still has shows in nine other states with the exact same law. And wouldn’t it be funny for all those Loony Libs freaking out over Indiana’s Homophobic Religious Freedom Law to learn that Obama’s Racist Attorney General Eric Holder’s Justice Department also backed the same Homophobic Religious Freedom Law in Court?
But really over the top is a new digital short blasting Indiana as a state full of bigots. In the style of a tourism ad, the parody shows images of all things Indiana is famous for, from its “world class cities” to its NFL team to the Indianapolis 500. The narrator’s voice croons, “That Hoosier hospitality makes everyone welcome — especially, bigots! Whether you’re a family of bigots, a couple of bigots or just an individual bigot” the ad claims, you can “shame and humiliate people who are different from you to your heart’s content.” The ad cites the newly-signed bill, “Religious Freedom Restoration Act” as the reason bigots live in Indiana.
MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Indiana Governor Pence’s sarcastic comment to all those Obama Supporters in the Press: “You realize Barack Obama voted for the religious freedom bill when he was a state senator in Illinois, right?” and Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane said, “Ich bin ein Hoosier!”
Early Voting Update
Tuesday’s weather in Cincinnati was really nice, just perfect for all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, to stand in line outside the Hamilton County Board of Election waiting to vote early in this year’s meaningless Ohio primary elections in only 34 more days.
Not only that, these Dumbed Down Dems are shown avoided the convenience of mailing an absentee ballot for 49-cents, or voting at their neighborhood polling place on Election Day, which the last time we checked, is still totally free.
An Abundance of Apologies
Folks are still stunned from The Blower’s Annual Mea Culpa E-dition on Monday, as well as our “Contrite Conservatism” E-dition on Tuesday, The Whistleblower Legal Dream Team had warned that some of our recently published items might have actually offended some people with delicate sensibilities, and we were advised to recant, fully and completely, so damages in any upcoming legal actions against us might be at least somewhat mitigated. But 24 years ago today on April 1, 1991 in our first annual Sincere Apology Issue, our Top Ten List featured the Top Ten Things for which we felt we simply had to apologize in those days, although with the benefit of hindsight, these days, we’d at least be damn sure to changed the order.
EDITION # 44 WAS TRULY A MASTERPIECE, if we do say so ourselves! We published six pages of the most sincere apologies you could ever imagine. There was some pretty snazzy artwork too. You can see that entire edition here.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says he has to apologize for forgetting that on this day in 1992, “JayWalking Joe” Deters was first appointed prosecutor, and we’re still waiting for him to call one of those murdering bastard rapists he prosecutes “scum.”
SPAM UPDATE: Yesterday, when a Friendly Pilipino Cincinnati Bell Technical Supporter in Manila called to explain that their highest level engineers were still working on our problem, and we explained that for the past two days we had not experienced any problems at all, they thanked us for our patience and assured us they would be doing everything humanly possible to make sure all of our Media Advisories were marked as “Spam” for all Persons of Consequence on The Blower’s exclusive e-mail list who unfortunately happened to be Fuse.Net and Zoomtown.com Customers.
YESTERDAY AT THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane which was his “Favorite Day” in April. “There are so many to choose from,” Kane explained. “So it would be hard to pick a favorite.” But the day we really plan to celebrate this year is “Tax Freedom Day.” That’s the date our friends at the Tax Foundation say the average US over-taxed payer has worked long enough to pay all of his federal, state, and local taxes for the year. This year, Tax Freedom Day falls on April 24, or 114 days into the year. If you include annual federal borrowing, which represents future taxes owed, Tax Freedom Day would occur 14 days later on May 8. Tax Freedom Day is a significant date for over-taxed payers and lawmakers because it represents how long Americans as a whole have to work in order to pay the nation’s tax burden.
FINALLY, A JUDEO-CHRISTIAN UPDATE: Friday evening at 8:04 PM we’ll be celebrating the Passover Seder on Good Friday. Do you think we just made up a new religious holiday?
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially John Kerry and Obama, who apparently haven’t cave in enough to the Iranian Mullahs during the current negations in Switerland, so they plan to keep on diving during their newly scheduled overtime cave period.
PLAGIARISM COUNT: Unattributed material was pilfered from only one websites for the production of today’s Blower. (This time we only plagiarized ourselves!)
APRIL FOOLS DAY HOTLINE
Some April Foolery items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally April Foolery subscribers.
Women’s Herstory Month May Finally Be Over,
but we have one more Whistleblower Video of the Day for
(Sent in by Faux Facebook Friend Anderson Township Trustee Andy Pappas [460 Friends, 72 Mutual Friends], who spends entirely too much time on Facebook for an elected official.)
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
WANT SOME REVENGE?
e-mail your snitch or bitch today.
Some vengeful items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally vengeful subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.