Daily Archives: March 30, 2015

Special “Contrite Conservatism” E-dition

Header-March 31

Tuesday, March 31, 2015       

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers  

image009image004 - CopySome people could hardly believe all those really sincere apologies yesterday in The Whistleblower-Newswire’s “Annual Mea Culpa” E-dition. —Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane 

image009That’s because we warned The Blower that some of its recently published items might have actually offended some people with delicate sensibilities, and we advised they recant, fully and completely, so damages in any legal actions against them might be at least somewhat mitigated. The Whistleblower Legal Dream Team

image009You mean those weren’t real apologies? — Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press

image009image013I’m sorry I got caught spending Palm Sunday on the golf course again. It was the only my 233rd golf outing as president, and this trip to Florida only cost over-taxed payers $843,508 since Michelle and the kids stayed home. —Obama

image009I’m sorry I embarrassed Obama’s White House Propaganda Minister Josh Earnest by asking “Do you still believe that Indicted Traitor Bowe Bergdahl served with honor and distinction?” —Fox News Obama Basher Ed Henry

image009We’re sorry we mocked Obama’s White House at its worst in last week’s “The Rock Obama” opening sketch. —Saturday Night Live

image009image007 - CopyWe’re NOT sorry we chose Ted Cruz’s “unlike Barack Obama, I was not a community organizer before I was elected to the senate,” when the announced Republican 2016 Presidential Candidate was being grilled by biased Liberal CNN Airhead Dana Brash. —Today’s Quote for Today Committee

image009I’m sorry I erased all those incriminating e-mails that used to be on my illegal hard drive. —2016 Dishonest DemocRAT Presidential Nominee Hillary Clinton

image009I’m sorry I was quoted admitting that should the American Jewish community be in danger, it has only Israel to rely on – and not America. —Obama’s Doofus Vice President Joe Biden

image009On this date in 1492 Jews were expelled from Spain, and this year Kroger’s at the Anderson Food Court says they’re sorry they didn’t stock any kosher wine for Passover, but how about some stale left-over Hanukkah cookies instead? Hurley the Historian

image009image008 - CopyI’m sorry I had to have the Ohio Republican Party pay for my first GOP Pre-Primary trip to New Hampshire during my 2016 Presidential Wet Dream Campaign. —Ohio Governor Kasich-Taylor 

image009I’m sorry I showed my true colors by joining the junk science bandwagon when I voted “yes” last week on an amendment declaring that climate change is real, caused by human activity, and Congress should do something about it, whatever the hell that means. —Senator Rob “Fighting for More Liberal Crap” Portman

image009Governor Mike Pence says he’s sorry all those Liberals got so bent out of shape after he signed Indiana’s Supposedly Homophobic Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA) last week, especially since the first RFRA was a 1993 federal law that was signed into law by DemocRAT President Bill Clinton and Obama didn’t even vote present as usual, when he voted for the Illinois Religious Freedom Reformation Act In 1998. —Indiana Bureau Chief Hoosier Daddy

image009image010 - CopyWhen Dumbed Down DemocRAT Connecticut Governor Dannel Malloy announced plans to sign an executive order to ban state-funded travel to Indiana because that controversial bill could allow businesses to discriminate against gay people, did he forget that his state has the same law? —Today’s Stupid Liberal Liar Award Committee

image009I’m sorry I haven’t started our campaign to get Ohio to pass a Religious Freedom Bill yet, but I was up all night watching replays of “Sluts in the Suburbs” because I just learned “swingers are the third riskiest HIV group” behind gay men and drug users. Citizens for Community Morals President Phil Burr-Ass

image009My DVR was on the fritz. When are they going to run that Sluts in the Suburbs show again? —“In Russ We Trust” Jackson

image009image011I’m sorry my Racist Supporters threw a tantrum and threatened to disrupt Baseball’s All Star Game in Cincinnati this year. Convicted Ditzy Democrat Juvie Judge Traci Hunter

image009Property Owners might be sorry if they forget to file their formal complaints with the Hamilton County Board of Revision by today’s deadline. Hamilton County’s Disingenuous Double-Dipping Democrat Auditor, who still hasn’t explained exactly how his office came up with its Fair Property Values for your Jacked-Up Property Taxes that were due on Ground Hog’s Day

image009image013Did our Technical Support Department in the Philippines mistakenly forget to put the “spam label” on all those media advisories for Monday’s “Mea Culpa” Edition addressed to Persons of Consequence on the Whistleblower E-mail List who unfortunately happen to be Fuse.Net and Zoomtown.com customers? —Your Friends at Cincinnati Bell

image009All my Snitches say they are sorry to have to return from ogling young girls with Major Yabbos on Florida beaches during Spring Break. —Ken CamBoo

image009Are you sure all those apologies were real, especially the ones where The Blower doesn’t actually publish your name but everybody knows who you’re talking about anyway? —“Trish The Dish” at TV 19

image009Don’t you just love those blonde bimbos? — WCPO-TV Helicopter Reporter Dan Carroll (Formerly with TV 19)

image029Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Artificial Apologists.


  Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer

         Sometimes The Blower ridicules “Women’s Herstory Month” to show “Herstory” is just another made-up word Feminists use to make themselves feel good!. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a Feminazi who believes that all men are idiots, wearing a bra is a symbol of oppression, shaving their legs is apparently showing that they GIVE INTO MALE PRESSURE TO BE ATTRACTIVE HOLY SHIT, snowmen must be called “snowpeople,” and that any song that mentions a girl is supporting rape or whatever.


          This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Sexists, who are people who use the word “gender” instead of “sex,” because they believe their “gender” is superior and says unfair things about the other “gender,” or assumes that only one “gender” has a certain trait. Both woman and men can be sexist.


And these are just some of the bodacious babes who sent us stuff during Women’s Herstory Month.




Some Women Whipping Women in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Women Whipping Women subscribers.



      Judge Jeanine Pirro Opening Statement – Does Hillary Clinton Have The Integrity To Be President Of U.S.A?

 image023(Sent in by Women’s History Month Faux Facebook Friend Vonda Pickens, whose Northern Kentucky TEA Party rabble rousers took part in the nation-wide “Overpasses for Obama’s Impeachment” movement.  

image024Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.


 Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here