Daily Archives: March 23, 2015

Special “Sluts in the Suburbs” E-dition

Header-March 24

Tuesday, March 24, 2015       

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers    

image003image005Would you look at those ratings! Sunday night, everybody in Warren County’s Hamilton Township must’ve been watching our “Sluts in the Suburbs” reality TV show starring their neighbors who “swap partners and engage in extramarital relationships as they go about their regular lives as parents, professionals, soccer moms and little league coaches. —A&E TV

image003A&E TV even sent us a thank-you note for all of our help promoting the show. —Citizens for Community Morals President Phil Burr-Ass 

image007image003We sent a letter to everybody in the news media telling them we are not a “Swinger Community,” but so far our letters are being ignored. —Horny Balls Home Owners Association 

image003I wish I were still working at The Fishwrap, I’d have been paid for watching those sluts on TV Sunday night. —John Quichwarmer

image003image008The show centers on our “lifestyle,” after we instigated “swinging in the hood.” Tony and Diana 

image003Hamilton Township is situated in South Central Warren County. Our township provides the perfect blend of quiet, rural living and the conveniences of modern life. —Township Trustees David Wallace, Kurt Weber, and Gene Duvelius

image003No wonder we’ve heard about all those traffic jams in that part of the of the county recently. —Warren County Commissioners Tom Grossman. Pat South, and David Young

image003Our annual “Rating the Burbs” article consistently ranks Hamilton Township very high in community safety, effective school districts and home values. —Cincinnati Ragazine

image012image003Did a child really show a video of his slutty neighbors to other children on the school bus? —Whistleblower Gossip Reporter Linda Libel

image003Thanks for not mentioning how I was forced to resign in disgrace after I embarrassed my suburban community. —Disgraced DemocRAT Former MILF-ord Mayor Amy Brewer

image003Older Sluts in the Suburbs remember when Elvis Aaron Presley was inducted into the U.S. Army on this date in 1958, The Pelvis said, “The army teaches boys to think like men.” The Blower remembers all the hype that story got back then. But can you imagine what it would be like today? —Hurley the Historian

image003image010It’s all just about what you could expect during the Devolution of our Culture throughout the historic Obama Administration. —The Conservative Agenda

image003Do you think those TV Reality shows are trying to attract viewers like us? Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press

image003image011Something else which appears to have devolved is the level of customer service for Persons of Consequence on the Exclusive Whistleblower E-mail List who are unfortunately Fuse.net and Zoomtown.com customers, who haven’t received their media advisories from The Blower for the past six days, ever since we began mislabeling all communications from The Blower as “spam,” and we don’t even have a telephone number to call and report it. —Cincinnati Bell (We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.)  

image003image013Meanwhile on Spring Break at the Nude Beach in Florida, I’ve been personally working on a list of guys who took their wives and families to the Redneck Riviera, Naples, Destin, or Key Largo, just so they could spend all day on the beach ogling young girls’ breasts. You’ll never guess whose names are already on that list. Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane

image003Maybe that’s why we chose Robin Williams’ “Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’” Your Quote for Today Committee

image003Are all of my snitches still on Spring Break, too? —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo

image003We’re not on Spring Break. It just always seems that way. —Northern Kentucky Legislators

image005image003As usual, it’s a sure sign of spring when UK is playing basketball in the NCAA Tournament and UC isn’t. —Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall (Now heard on 220 radio stations, locally 1360)

image003But it’s Spring Break in Florida. The temperature’s warm, teenage tramps have gone wild, and thongs are particularly lovely this time of year. —Frank Weikel

image003Please add Venice, Florida to the list of places The Blower is watching guys who took their wives and teenage children on Spring Break so they can spend all day on the beach ogling young girls’ breasts. —Larry Laptop

image003Here’s a Spring Break Poem: What could be nicer, than a nice set of boobs? A pretty young girlfriend who just tied her tubes. —Odious Octogenarian Bunky Tadwell, The Bard of Cleves

image003image015Did you know some of our newer phones allow The Blower’s photos to come through? —Barry Blackberry

image003According to my countdown, after tomorrow there will still 360 more days until the next BB&BJ Day. —Horny in Hebron

image003When does The Blower’s 2015 Girls Gone Wild on Spring Break video come out? —Will “The Thrill” Terwort

image003Where’s our video? —Wilder Women

image003Do they have any videos of women faking it? —Uptight Bitches from Fort Mitchell

image003Does what happens on Spring Break stay on Spring Break? —Political Philanderers

image003Do guys still drink a lot on Spring Break? —Nathan “Cornbread” Smith and Michael Liquid Plummer

image003image016Spring Break is a great way to get a great tan in only one day.—Larry the Loser

image003Do guys get to eat a lot on Spring Break? —Clueless Marc Wilson and Scott “Pass the Biscuits” Kimmich

image003I always used to go “crazy” on Spring Break. —Your Good Friend, Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders

image003Come to think of it, maybe that’s what happened to my former patient. —“Crazy Eric’s” Crazy Psychiatrist

image003Trish the Dish still wants to know what BB&BJ stands for. —TV 19 News

image003She really knows, she’s just saying that. — WCPO-TV Helicopter Reporter Dan Carroll (Formerly with TV 19)

image003And if all of that isn’t Newsworthy enough, Geezers looking for Major Yabbos on the beach should check out “The Makeover.” Our Aging Attorney Acquaintance Still Searching For His Lost Youth And Vigor On Spring Break, Who Just Returned From Naples

image022Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Sluts in Suburbia.


           Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer

         image022Sometimes The Blower ridicules old guys who take their wives and children on Spring Break to show that ogling young girls’ breasts on the beach is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a dirty old man.

          This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Ollie Ogler.



e-mail your Major Yabbo sighting photos today.


Some Spring Break items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Spring Break Watching subscribers.



Judge Jeanine: Mr. President, whose side are you on, anyway?

image021(Possibly sent in by Women’s History Month Faux Facebook Friend Addia Wuchner, Bluegrass State Representative [40 Mutual Friends], who doesn’t need a makeover)

image022Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.


Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here