Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers
Would you look at those ratings! Sunday night, everybody in Warren County’s Hamilton Township must’ve been watching our “Sluts in the Suburbs” reality TV show starring their neighbors who “swap partners and engage in extramarital relationships as they go about their regular lives as parents, professionals, soccer moms and little league coaches. —A&E TV
Hamilton Township is situated in South Central Warren County. Our township provides the perfect blend of quiet, rural living and the conveniences of modern life. —Township Trustees David Wallace, Kurt Weber, and Gene Duvelius
Older Sluts in the Suburbs remember when Elvis Aaron Presley was inducted into the U.S. Army on this date in 1958, The Pelvis said, “The army teaches boys to think like men.” The Blower remembers all the hype that story got back then. But can you imagine what it would be like today? —Hurley the Historian
Do you think those TV Reality shows are trying to attract viewers like us? — Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press
Something else which appears to have devolved is the level of customer service for Persons of Consequence on the Exclusive Whistleblower E-mail List who are unfortunately Fuse.net and Zoomtown.com customers, who haven’t received their media advisories from The Blower for the past six days, ever since we began mislabeling all communications from The Blower as “spam,” and we don’t even have a telephone number to call and report it. —Cincinnati Bell (We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.)
Meanwhile on Spring Break at the Nude Beach in Florida, I’ve been personally working on a list of guys who took their wives and families to the Redneck Riviera, Naples, Destin, or Key Largo, just so they could spend all day on the beach ogling young girls’ breasts. You’ll never guess whose names are already on that list. —Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane
As usual, it’s a sure sign of spring when UK is playing basketball in the NCAA Tournament and UC isn’t. —Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall (Now heard on 220 radio stations, locally 1360)
Please add Venice, Florida to the list of places The Blower is watching guys who took their wives and teenage children on Spring Break so they can spend all day on the beach ogling young girls’ breasts. —Larry Laptop
And if all of that isn’t Newsworthy enough, Geezers looking for Major Yabbos on the beach should check out “The Makeover.” — Our Aging Attorney Acquaintance Still Searching For His Lost Youth And Vigor On Spring Break, Who Just Returned From Naples
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —
Sometimes The Blower ridicules old guys who take their wives and children on Spring Break to show that ogling young girls’ breasts on the beach is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a dirty old man.
This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Ollie Ogler.
SPRING BREAK HOT LINE
e-mail your Major Yabbo sighting photos today.
Some Spring Break items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Spring Break Watching subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
Judge Jeanine: Mr. President, whose side are you on, anyway?
(Possibly sent in by Women’s History Month Faux Facebook Friend Addia Wuchner, Bluegrass State Representative [40 Mutual Friends], who doesn’t need a makeover)