Saturday, June 21, 2014
Happy Summer Solstice, Everybody!
Today is the First Day of Summer and a religious holiday for modern Pagans. Dave the Druid says it’s no coincidence our festivities coincide with the longest day of the year.
This year, Hamilton County Treasurer even had some new ways for you to avoid licking and sticking a 49-cent stamp on an envelope or standing in those long lines at the Treasurer’s Office with some new easy ways to pay. You could’ve paid online. Or you could’ve paid by phone at 877-764-3524. You could’ve even paid by credit card (for a mere 2.5% added fee) or electronic check (for an extra $1.50)
All those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, probably paid on their Free Obama phones (that cost over-taxed payers more than $2 Billion last year), that’s if they weren’t selling their Free Phones for cash or drugs. Now let’s check out James O’Keefe’s Investigation, where people did just that.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1788, the US Constitution was ratified and Liberals have been trying to destroy it ever since.- THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Lincoln’s: “Don’t interfere with anything in the Constitution. That must be maintained, for it is the only safeguard of our liberties.”
Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says today may be the Summer Solstice, but Orgasm Donors in Northern Kentucky always party hearty on the Winter Solstice. It’s not because it’s the shortest day of the year, because it’s also “World Orgasms for Peace” Day. Didn’t Mae West once say: “An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away?”- How many Druids does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: None. They don’t screw in light bulbs, they screw in stone circles.
- Meanwhile, WLW Radio’s Lovely Lady Lawyer Lisa Wells says she’s heard from divorce attorneys all over Northern Kentucky about The Blower’s survey of to see which bedroom community on the South Shore was the “top cheating neighborhood,” and The Blower will soon publish a full report.
- FROM THE WHISTLEBLOWER SCIENCE DEPARTMENT: Yesterday Whistleblower Science Editor Copernicus Tadwell showed you the digital technology that would let Obama’s Killer Drones identify your face in the middle of a crowd.[SEE IT HERE]
Today we’re going to show you the Amazing Escherian Stairwell. We know how it works. See if you can figure it out.
Meanwhile, porn investigators at our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders’ office are busy watching the trailer free at The Naked News.
— Official “Paddlefest” E-dition —
How much will it cost to haul all those canoes back up river?
Happy Paddlefest, Everybody
Paddlefest, in case you’ve forgotten, is when Liberal Loonies try to sell us down the river one more time, but organizer Brewster Rhoads says his annual event is not to be confused with last month’s annual Gay Paddlefest, where Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis gave each other spankings at Sawyer Point.- It was even more confusing until a couple of years ago when Paddlefest was scheduled at the same time as the Gay Pride Weekend in Greater Cincinnati.
- Anyway, our good friend Bobby Leach just e-mailed us our Gay Paddlefest Joke: “What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? Fur traders.”
Rob “Fighting for Flotation” Portman says he’ll be there for a Paddlefest photo op, too— just like he’s been every year for the past decade. The Robmesister used to take his Gay Son Will kayaking all the time. (The gay one’s on the left) Does that mean they’ll both be back for the Gay Pride Event next week?- Don’t forget to have somebody with a kayak trailer meet you at the finish line, or you’ll be walking 8.2 miles back upstream to Coney Island where you parked your car.
- At the same time in Northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo wonders if the South Shore will get any credit for Paddlefest this weekend or even a small share of all that Paddling Capital of America News Hype. “Doesn’t anybody know the wet part of the Ohio River is actually in our state, no matter what it got named?” The Camboozler asked.
- FINALLY AT TODAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Charles Foster Kane what happened to the “Calendar Widget” at the lower left corner of the Web Page. It now says it’s “Not Working,”
“Right,” Kane explained. “When you click on one of the dates in blue (for example June 11), you get an error message that looks like this:
But this is what it’s supposed to say: https://whistleblower-newswire.com/2014/06/11/special-same-time-last-year-e-dition-14/ And as you can see when you click on this link, it works.
Our WordPress Wizard says, “It’s broke.” And the Tech Support Team a GoDaddy.com (where our web site is hosted) says “We’ve never seen anything quite like it.” If any of our wily web developers out there have any ideas, please let us know.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially, this guy who designed our web page.
PADDLEFEST HOT LINE
e-mail your kayaking komments today
Some safe boating items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally safe boating Whistleblower Subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
Best Thrift Shop Parody “I’m Obama”
(Sent in by Brad ‘B-Rad’ Gluckman, a fictional white rapper character from the 2003 film Malibu’s Most Wanted.
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
“Happy Holiday” By James Jay Schifrin
This week in Patronage County, every politician took part in the 42nd Annual Patronage County Watergate Day festivities, and our three Corrupt County Commissioners were discussing how things went.
“We now have another paid legal holiday for politicians and bureaucrats, and the news media has another event to hype,” said Commissioner Filch. “June 17 has become a real reason to celebrate. Remember back in 1982 on the tenth anniversary of the Watergate break in when former President Nixon was even on hand to place a wreath on the Tomb of the Unknown Politician?”
“But now everybody’s trying to take credit for the holiday to commemorate the night five burglars in business suits bungled their way into the DemocRAT National Headquarters at the Watergate Hotel,” added Commissioner Pilfer. “Walter Cronkite even claimed the news media created it.”
“But no,” said Commissioner Swindle, speaking out of both sides of his mouth. “Public employees need a little more time off between Memorial Day and July 4. True, our people got to hand out literature in front of the polls on May 6, but primary elections don’t come along every day. We wanted something permanent—not like a temporary tax that you have to keep asking for.”
Still people disagree over the difference between what the new media causes. One editorial writer almost lost his job when he wrote that the Watergate investigation had been produced by the legislative and judicial branches of our government.
And still the controversy rages over who is responsible for Watergate Day. “A thousand years from now people will still remember,” Cronkite had predicted. “If you think the attack on Pearl Harbor was a day that will live in infamy, you ain’t seen nothing yet.”
“Corruption is the real cornerstone of our political system,” argues Swindle. “Without elected officials like us, the country would never be where it is today.”
This op-ed column first appeared in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols on June 16, 1982, and has been updated with current references to fit the situation today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
