Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers
Sorry we can’t find any “Honest Elected Officials” to interview for tomorrow’s “Honesty Day” Edition. —Whistleblower Researchers- It should be really easy to make jokes about Obama at Saturday Night’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner, as long as we don’t have to tell the truth. —Late Night TV Comedians
- That’s why we chose Will Rogers, “I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
- That’s why I said “I never lie.” —White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard
- If elected officials were honest, how would we get all our free stuff? —All those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Voters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice
- We really hope The Blower won’t be going overboard on all this “Honesty” business Saturday on “Press Freedom Day.” —Kneepad Liberals in the Press
- How honest was I when I admitted total ignorance about my Health Care Mandate’s legal issues? —John Gilligan’s Ditzy Daughter Kathleen Sebelius, Who Finally Resigned in Disgrace as Obama’s Secretary of Health and Human Services overseeing ObamaCare, But Sticking Around Long Enough to Collect That Humongous Government Pension and FREE Health Care Benefits
- I finally have to tell the truth. I got a “D” at Harvard in Environmental Studies. —Al Gore
- You have to be really stupid to get a “D” in anything at Harvard. —The Harvard Faculty
- Even I didn’t get a “D” in any class at Harvard. —Trey Grayson
If even one of our elected officials actually tells the truth on “Honesty Day” tomorrow, that would really be “historic.” —Hurley the Historian- How ironic is it that only last week we were at the Supreme Court in Washington, D.C. arguing for a politician’s rights to lie their asses off during political campaigns? —COAST’s Avaricious Attorney Chris Finney And His Hairless Henchman Curt Hartman
- How “Honest” is the Ohio Republican Party when we use all that donor money to attack TEA Party Patriots and Real Republicans instead of Disingenuous DemocRATS we’re supposed to defeat? —Ohio Republican Party Boss Matt Borges
- How many lies do you think we’ll be telling today then that committee from the Republican National Committee comes to town to see howCincinnati compares with the other five cities on the short list to host the 2016 Republican National Convention? —Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP
- Did we tell you the Trolley Folly could be open to riders up to two months earlier than expected if the Republicans come here? —Stupid Streetcar Supporters
- The Folly Trolley could be done by the 2016 Republican National Convention. Granted the convention will not be held here. It is hard to choose a Trolley over Las Vegas. Go Figure!!! —Trolley Troublemaker Tino Delgato
How “Honest” was I when I voted to give free needles to drug addicts? — State Rep-tile Peter “The Best Money Can Buy” $tautberg
Gay guys in $tautberg’s district were really happy to learn www.peterstautberg.com was the location of an Oriental Gay Porn Site. —Whistleblower Alternate Life-Styles Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis- When our little $300 million “Racino” opens in Anderson Township this week, we promise to give suckers an even break. —Belterra Bankrollers
- You wouldn’t expect Crystal Faulkner and Tax Hikin’ Rick Bryan to tell the truth on “Honesty Day,” would you? —Republicans for Higher Taxes
- Have you seen my web ad criticizing my opponent, Blue Ash City Clowncilman Tax Hikin’ Rick Bryan, for taking part in over-taxed payer-funded junkets to Germany? —Jonathan Dever, Real Republican Candidate for the 28th District of the Ohio House of Representatives
- Did you see the story in The Fishwrap about how I just got fired as an adjunct professor by the Baptist Bigots at Cedarville University after an offbeat political ad accusing my Primary Opponent John Boehner of having “electile dysfunction” went viral?—TEA Party Patriot J.D. Winteregg
How come The Blower forgot to mention that tomorrow is also “Hairstyle Appreciation Day,” which allows each of us to express his special individuality? —Steve Chabothead - It’s “Save the Rhino Day” too, but we have our own sort of celebration in mind. —RINO Hunters of America
- If you think honest politicians are hard to find in Ohio, you should try looking for them in Kentucky. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
- Will all those DemocRATS and Republicans running for Bitch McConnell’s Senate Seat in this year’s Bluegrass Primary Election on May 20 be telling the truth on “Honesty Day” this year? —Goof Doofus
- Remember when McConnell looked like a retard trying to remember the words to “My Old Kentucky Home?” —The Hillbilly Report
An honest politician is somebody with no over-taxed payers’ money to toss around. —Northern Kentucky Tea Partiers- Every week, we feature quite a few dishonest people in my “This Week in Kenton Circuit Court” newsletter. —Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders
- Everybody at my place claims he’s honest. —Terry “The Smiling Jailer” Carl
You can’t cheat an honest man. —W.C. Fields- The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. —Groucho Marx
- Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it. —Mark Twain
- How come when you get to be a semi-famous author like me, you don’t automatically get your quotes in The Blower? —Rick “The BatBoy Robinson
- I was really surprised The Blower couldn’t find a way to work my name into Monday’s “Honesty Day E-dition.” —Eric “Call Me Crazy,” Deters
- Please don’t remind people that the Kentucky Bar Association questioned my honesty. —$tan Che$ley
- We weren’t too happy with you either. —UC Board of Trustees
- Count us in there too. —Ohio Supreme Court
Now that the Cincinnati Reds have been mathematically eliminated for 2014, please ask Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy Furball what he thinks of our chances this year. —Florence Freedom Fans, Waiting for Opening Day, Thursday, May 15- Some anchorbimbos I’ve written about even wonder if “Honesty” prevents cheating on your spouse. —Whistleblower Gossip Columnist Linda Libel
- If cleanliness is next to Godliness, then “Honesty” is next to impossible. —TV19’s Trish the Dish
- Adulterous Anchorbabery used to be the most popular perk at our station. —TV5 News
- And if all of that isn’t newsworthy enough, let’s all watch how “Uncle Jay Explained the News” on April 28, 2014.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Tax Hikin’ Rick Bryan.
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer—
Sometimes The Blower questions a person’s motives to show that dishonesty of any kind is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t an elected official.
This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially philandering politicians.
DISHONEST POLITICIANS HOTLINE
e-mail your egregious examples today.
Some cynically critical items in today’s Blower were sent in by our really cynically critical subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
Liar Liar: And the Truth Shall Set You Free!
PLUS
65 Outrageous Lies by President Obama
(Sent in by long-time Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend Kreg Allison, who, according to Whistleblower Gossip Columnist Linda Libel, is in a relationship with another Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend.)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
