Daily Archives: April 4, 2014

Just Another “Guest Column” E-dition

Friday, April 4, 2014 

Taxation WITH Representation Isn’t So Great Either!

           image005Thursday morning, everybody was hoping to watch MLB.com broadcast the Reds’ 12:35 PM game on their computers at work (that was delayed by rain for three hours and forty-two minutes, so Charles Foster Kane went to have his taxes done early, just so he could find out how much of his hard-earned money would be confiscated by the IRS on April 15 so Obama and our Crooks in Congress could just continue to piss it away.

Unfortunately, our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher hasn’t been heard from since, although somebody did say they saw him inhaling a Bloomin’ Onion (a mere 1,959 calories) at a bribe lunch with an elected official running for re-election in a contested Ohio primary at the Outback restaurant on File Mile Road in Anderson, now open for lunch. The Blower is still waiting on confirmation on that report, especially since everybody knows how low a profile the Voice of the Conservative Agenda usually keeps whenever he ventures out in public.   

We hope when he finally returns, he’ll be calmed down enough after hearing about his taxes and that elected official’s plans for public spending so we can at least put out our Special “Over-Taxed Payers’ Angst” E-dition on Saturday.

                                                                             The Whistleblower Staff   


Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:

          image007Why, it’s none other than Charles Foster Kane’s Rich Uncle Milburn Pennybags, who avoids paying taxes on his vast real estate holdings, along with an almost monopolistic control of several railroads and utilities.

Uncyclopedia describes Milburn “Rich Uncle” Pennybags (also known as Mr. Monopoly or the Chinchilla Don) as a high-powered real estate financier and leader of the Monopliano crime family. First emerging onto the scene in 1936, Pennybags quickly gained mass notoriety for his flashy style and expensive tastes, as well as his allegedly ruthless treatment of those who dared defy him. [READ MORE HERE]

That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in supporting rich people who avoid paying taxes, is proud to select Kane’s Rich Uncle Milburn to be this week’s guest editor and choose three items plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors, and our Quote for Today Committee chose Leona Helmsley’s “We don’t pay taxes. Only the little people pay taxes.”


  • “Many American-Made Companies Are Now Under Foreign Control” by John Olen

          image008 When foreign countries own companies and businesses that many Americans purchase goods from, all of that money that would be going back into the U.S. economy is now going overseas. This leads to devastating consequences as we’re seeing now, with job losses and unsettling unemployment. It is also placing the United States in a position where we’re coming to rely on foreign governments for our needs. We’re seeing this already with China, a country with which we have an alarming trade deficit and over $1 trillion in debt.

Here are some of America’s most famous brands currently held in foreign hands:

    • •Budweiser, now owned by Anheuser-Busch InBev N.V., which is based in Leuven, Belgium
    • •Alka-Seltzer, now owned by German company Bayer Schering Pharma AG
    • •Ben & Jerry’s, now owned by British-Dutch Unilever
    • •AMC theaters, now owned by the Chinese
    • •7-Eleven, now owned by the Japanese company, Seven & I Holdings
    • •Woman’s Day Magazine, now owned by the French company, Hachette Filipacchi Médias, S.A
    • •Purina, now owned by the Swiss company, Nestle
    • •Gerber, now owned by the Swiss pharmaceutical giant, Novartis
    • •Firestone, now owned by the Japanese Bridgestone Corporation
    • •Citgo, now owned by the government of Venezuela
    • •French’s Mustard, now owned by Reckitt Benckiser, a British conglomerate
    • •Frigidaire, now owned by Sweden’s AB Electrolux
    • •The Plaza Hotel in New York City, now owned by Israeli billionaire Yitzhak Tshuva’s El-Ad Group
    • •Trader Joes, now owned by German billionaires Karl and Theo Albrecht
    • •Dial soap, now owned by Henkel KGaA, based in Dusseldorf, Germany
    • •Sunglass Hut, now owned by Italian eyewear seller Luxottica Group—–

  Are you starting to get the picture?  


  • “POST TURTLE” by Matt Bevin

image010Yesterday at a Boondoggle County barber shop, the topic got around to the fact that there are still 1,022 more unproductive days left during America’s Dark Ages during Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached.

A customer said, ‘Well, ya know, Obama is a ‘post turtle.’”

Not being familiar with the term, the barber asked him what a “post turtle” was.

The customer said, “When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a ‘post turtle.’” The customer saw a puzzled look on the barber’s face, so he continued to explain: “You know he didn’t get up there by himself, he doesn’t belong up there, he doesn’t know what to do while he is up there, and you just wonder what kind of a dumb ass put him up there!”


  • “WALK NAKED IN AMERICA DAY” by Oliver Klozhoff

image011Don’t forget to mark your calendars.

As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked and if he does, he must commit suicide.

So next Saturday at 1 PM Eastern Daylight time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.

Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.

All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses to demonstrate their support for the women and to prove that they are not Muslim terrorist sympathizers.

Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your patriotism.

The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.

God bless America !

P.S. It is your patriotic duty to inform others.

If you don’t send this to at least 1 person, you’re a terrorist-sympathizing, lily-livered coward and are possibly aiding and abetting terrorists!


  • AND A QUICKIE by Rodney Dangerous

image012Here’s the best Bartender Joke ever.

A puppet, a bigot, a black guy, an illegal alien, a Muslim and a Communist walk into a bar…

And the Bartender asks, “What’ll it be, Mr. President?”

These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.


Stories We’re Working On

  • image013Obama claims he’s “heartbroken” in between fundraisers after his second Ft. Hood Massacre
  • Cincinnati Still Not Eliminated for 2016 RNC Convention
  • Dumbed Down Early Voters Standing for Hours in the Rain
  • Keeping Christa Criddle on State Central Committee
  • Where Liz Rogers found the money for her April 1 partial back rent payment
  • WT3 Says “Just Call Me the Airport Czar!”
  • Aroldis in Anderson

Whistleblower Web Poll

image016This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said they plan to get out of paying any federal income tax by midnight on April 15:
(A) Lie about their income: 2%
(B) Make up lots of expenses: 1%
(C) Let the tax cheats at H&R Goniff do their return: 1%
(D) File an extension: 96%

image024Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!


Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest

No Fool Like an Old Fool

image018This week, everybody who can’t wait until Sunday to start playing April Fool’s Day jokes, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

The winner is Harley Hoodwinker, who likes to watch people’s faces whenever he says, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times…” Harley wins a copy of the “1,001 Best April Fool’s Day Pranks of 2014” so he can plan ahead for next year, a lifetime pass on the new Cincinnati Trolley, and Reds and Bungals playoff tickets. His winning limerick is:

There once was an old April fool
Dumb as an ox, stubborn as a mule
He voted with libs
Fell for the DumbocRAT fibs
And left us with Obama to rule.

Here’s a Dishonorable Mention from “In Russ We Trust” Jackson
There once was an Old April Fool,
Who at one time had been very cool,
Now all of his friends,
Sends him lots of Depends,
And Kleenex to catch to catch all his drool.

Bobby Leach says this is nostalgic
There once was an old April fool
Who thought that he was really cool
He wore bell bottomed jeans
Like he was still in his teens
And watched TV reruns of the Cool Ghoul.

E Rob Sanders denies he sent this in
There once was an Old April Fool
Who fancied his franchise quite cool.
He refused to trade old Number Nine,
Insisting everything would be fine,
Since all this Fool’s deals are Old School.

Rick “The Bat Boy” Robinson plans to include this in his next book
There once was an old April fool
Who challenged a guy to a duel
But he made a bad deal
The guy was a Navy SEAL
Now in Hades he is under Osama’s rule.

And from the Anderson Laureate (who’s counting the days until his poetic license is restored):
There once was an old April fool
Who forgot what to do with his tool
He got into trouble
When he folded it double
And found himself covered in drool.

The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“The Best Part About Paying Your Taxes”

image024image020Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially, $tate Rep-tile for $ale Peter $tautberg, who was NOT endorsed by another Conservative Group. This time it was the Ohio Citizens PAC, an advocate for Conservative issues and candidates that advance the cause of Individual Freedom and Liberty in the form of Constitutionally limited government.


OVER-TAXED PAYERS HOT LINE

E-mail your tax cheating tips today

You've been spotted

Some non-deductible items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally non-deductible subscribers.


Whistleblower Video of the Day

Obama Carter Comparison – PolitiZoid 

image023(Sent in by Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend Tim Kappers [113 Friends, 9 Mutual], who believe it or not, used to have something to do with the Anderson TEA Party.)

   image024Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.


Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here

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