Sunday, February 16, 2013
The Whistleblower Week in Review
OUR NUMBER ONE COWARDS IN CONGRESS STORY THIS WEEK was when Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus reported GOP House Speaker John Boehner had caved in to Obama and the Disingenuous DemocRATS one more time by enthusiastically supporting that so-called clean debt ceiling hike in the House.
- OUR NUMBER TWO COWARDS IN CONGRESS STORY THIS WEEK was in Washington when our DC Newsbreaker reported Senate Surrender Caucus Leader Bitch McConnell had provided the key vote in the Upper Chamber
- AND OUR NUMBER THREE COWARDS IN CONGRESS STORY THIS WEEK was when the Senate Conservatives Fund called on House Republicans to force out Speaker Boehner and released a devastating new web ad on Wednesday portraying Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell is trying to bully and intimidate conservatives just like the IRS is? [WATCH IT HERE]
- MONDAY in our Official “Primary Election Focus Group” E-dition, The Blower The Blower said, “Best of Luck Figuring Our Which Candidates’ Lies to Believe!”
What Ordinary Americans Think About “Indecision 2014”
Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen reports last Wednesday at 4 PM was the May 6 Primary filing deadline for candidates in Ohio (The January 28 Filing Deadline in Kentucky had already passed), and political junkies have now learned who is running for what office, which incumbents are facing challengers, and how much into the game our TEA Party Patriots plan to be in 2014.
But unfortunately, all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters who gave Obama another four years to ruin the country in 2012 couldn’t care less, because we’ll all be suffering through the next 1,075 days of the America’s Dark Ages during Obama’s Second Term (unless he’s impeached).
That’s why The Whistleblower rounded up some of our usual suspects. We found them at dawn still praying for free health care at the 73,381 pound World Peace Bell in Newport, Kentucky Sunday morning.
We just had to find out what they really thought about all those really important upcoming local elections. Remembering that only about 5.6% of Cincinnati’s apathetic registered voters even bothered to show up for that $400,000 Meaningless Cincinnati Mayoral Primary last September 10, The Blower predicts voters won’t be standing in long lines if they bother to show up at all on May 6 in Ohio or May 20 in Kentucky.
[READ MORE HERE]
- TUESDAY in our Special “Fool’s Errand” E-dition, The Blower said, “And We Sent The Biggest Fools We Could Find!” and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” included:
Yesterday, I took some local Republicans with me to Washington D.C. to try to convince the selection committee at the Republican National Committee to allow Cincinnati to host the 2016 Republican National Convention. No kidding. —Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP
Alex was the obvious choice to lead the group, especially since Hamilton County didn’t turn Blue with the help of $tan Che$ley for at least five minutes after he took over the party. —Real Republicans in Southwestern Ohio
We could promote a soup line protest on Fountain Square like I did when I was Mayor of Cincinnati and Ronald Reagan came to the Westin.—Cincinnati Vice Mayor David Mann
I sure hope my Trolley Folly is up and running in time for all those rich white Republicans to enjoy a Jurassic Park Ride through the Killing Fields of Over the Rhine. —Disgraced Dainty DemocRAT Former Cincinnati Mayor Mark Mallory
[READ MORE HERE]
- WEDNESDAY in our Annual “Lincoln’s Birthday” E-dition, The Blower said, “Because you can fool some of the Republicans all of the time!”
Happy Birthday to the Old Rail-Splitter
Hurley the Historian says today is Lincoln’s real birthday, and to celebrate that occasion in 1999, the DemocRAT Controlled U.S. Senate voted to acquit Pants-Dropper-in-Chief Bill Clinton on his impeachment charges of perjury and obstruction of justice.
In Northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo wonders if any of our local Kneepad Liberals in the Press will remember any of this when our Peyronie’s President campaigns for Alison Wondergams Grimes equally foolish attempt to unseat Kentucky Senior Senator Bitch McConnell in November.
Today our Quote for Today Committee’s selection by Abraham Lincoln should come as no surprise: “You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.” Back then, however, Honest Abe could’ve never imagined today’s Republicans in Congress.
[READ MORE HERE]
- THURSDAY, in our Special “Rudolph Valentino’s Birthday” E-dition, The Blower reported Obama is still blaming Bush for the high price of Valentines!:
Valentine’s Daze
About this time of year, people who earn their ill-gotten gains in the public relations business are so busy patting themselves on the back that they’re not getting much work done.
After all, if you’d just laid the 2014 Valentine’s Day guilt trip on all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Consumers, you’d be busting your buttons too.
Valentine’s Day used to be just for kids. They just said “To My Valentine.” Every second-grader could buy enough cards for the entire school for about a quarter.
Now, adults and adulteresses have about a million different “special cards.” Besides cards for fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, sweethearts-male, and sweethearts-female, Valentines for mistresses past, present, and future are also available.
[READ MORE HERE]
- FRIDAY, in our “Just Another Guest Column E-dition, The Blower explained, “But It’s Still the Same Old BS!”
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
Why, it’s none other than Texas TEA Party Senator Ted Cruz, whose filibuster forced McConnell to vote publically to increase the DemocRAT Debt Ceiling without a single dollar in spending cuts. Which is probably why our Quote for Today Committee chose Cruz’s “Let’s be clear about the motive behind this vote — there are too many members of Congress who think they can fool people and they will forget about it the next week, but sometimes, come November, the people remember.”
That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in supporting Real Republicans who make life miserable for RINOs wherever they are to be this week’s guest editor and choose three items plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors. Hurley the Historian says it’s the least we can do on the day we honor St. Valentine for getting himself beheaded.
[READ MORE HERE]
- SATURDAY in our Special “Sorry I Forgot Valentine’s Day” E-dition, The Blower said, “You Weren’t the Only One Who Forgot!”
Remember when you went to grade school and you used to come on Valentine’s Day with a big bag full of Valentine’s from all of your little classmates? Remember how good you felt? Maybe that’s why we’re feeling a little low this morning, because we still can’t stop thinking about all those people who didn’t send us a Valentine this year.
- PRESIDENT OBAMA, who’s spending a undeserved over-taxed payer funded vacation weekend golfing in California while The Mooch doubles the cost with her separate over-taxed- payer-funded holiday somewhere else, didn’t send us a Valentine.
- OBAMA SUPPORTERS IN THE PRESS, who were all too busy promoting the myth that Obama is cutting spending, didn’t send us a Valentine.
- DUMBED-DOWN, SELF-ABSORBED, MEDIA-INFLUENCED, CELEBRITY-OBSESSED, POLITICALLY-CORRECT, UNINFORMED, SHORT-ATTENTION-SPAN, FREE-STUFF GRABBING, LOW-INFORMATION OBAMA SUPPORTERS, who were still waiting for jobs and more free stuff, didn’t send us a Valentine.
- GOP SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE JOHN BOEHNER, who’s really surprised everybody didn’t support his caving in to Obama and the Disingenuous DemocRATS with a clean debt bill, didn’t send us a Valentine.
[READ MORE HERE]
From Cropper’s Crapper This Week, We See “Our House of Weasels’ Ideal of Fiscal Responsibility”
Now Here’s Today’s Report from the Winter Olympics in Sochi
Olympic Village Tour: See Where The Athletes Live, Train And Fuck Each Other
More Valentines From the Obama Administration
Seediest Kids of All
Buckwheat Blackwell was a very tall 15-year-old inner-city yoof who felt like a nerd because he couldn’t dribble a basketball, and thought he’d become sixth grade class president instead.
So the Seediest Kids of All (not associated with the Failed United Way) sent over buttons and bumper stickers, arranged for polling and focus groups, and persuaded Family Friendly Fascist Chris Finney to produce attack ads and teach him how to call his opponent an “asshole.” County RINO Party Chairman Alex Triantafilou (pronounced “Alex”) arranged a triple-top-secret fund-raiser at Disgraced DemocRAT $tan Che$ley’s Indian Hill Estate, Me, Greg Hartmann forced his county clerks to volunteer to put up yard signs all over Buckwheat’s neighborhood, and from Columbus, Carlo LoParo helped Buckwheat tell bald-faced lies to the news media about asking for illegal corporate donations in his fund-raising letters and his unauthorized use of the official U.S. Seal on his campaign literature.
Amazingly, young Buckwheat didn’t get a single vote, mainly because the teachers union had registered all of his little sixth grade classmates as DemocRATS. Lessons learned may prove valuable, should Buckwheat ever seriously try to run for governor or chairman of the Republican National Committee.
Despite his humiliating loss, Buckwheat is still grateful to the Seediest Kids of All; but it’s really you he has to thank, because it’s your liberal guilt giving throughout the year which makes it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
More Weekend Political Insight This Weekend
FECKLESS FISHWRAPPERS: Down at The Fishwrap, Metro Mole says every day when Cincinnati.com e-mails a list of promos for the stories on “Politics Extra,” some of the items have been on previous lists for so long, you’d think it was part of a history lesson. The best part is when Assistant Editor Carl Weiser leads off with an item that is dead wrong. Hello? Rand Paul is not going to visit Northern Kentucky on Friday. We read it somewhere else in The Fishwrap. It’s just like The Blower always says: Skaggie Maggie’s minions are either too lazy, too stupid, or too dishonest ever to report what’s really happening. 
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1959, Fidel Castro was sworn in as prime minister of Cuba (where there are no term limits, just like the US Congress),- THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Good DemocRAT Former President Harry Truman’s “Term limits would cure both senility and seniority– both terrible legislative diseases.”
- THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen after Cowards in Congress passed a so-called “clean” bill to raise the federal debt ceiling without spending cuts attached, voters said they wanted a deal that included significant spending cuts.
- DUMBED DOWN DEMOCRATS: This weekend, Obsessive Obama Supporters Tom and Rose tried to stay warm by donating another $10 to enter another lottery, this one to be flown to Washington, just to meet Obama.
IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says when Thomas Massie showed up in the basement of Wilder City Hall to sip coffee and talk issues, the issue Kentucky’s Fourth District Congressman seemed most evasive about was the possible impeachment of Barack Hussein Obama. Everybody knows aren’t enough votes in the House for impeachment at this time, but our TEA Party Patriot wouldn’t even say is he thought Obama should be impeached. Real Republicans say he’s beginning to sound more like Boehner every day.- RACIAL HEALING UPDATE: Black History Month has become a joke because most people have forgotten why we celebrate Black History Month in the first place, and our Denigrating DemocRAT says, “I’m sure voting for Obama covers any obligations that might be expected of us during Black History Month.”
OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Conan O’Brien’s “I’ll miss In Sochi, a man who criticized the Sochi games was sentenced to three years in a prison colony. After hearing the sentence, the man said it’s still better than a hotel in Sochi.- REPUBLICANS FOR HIGHER TAXES have uncovered information about Blue Ash Clowncilman Rick Bryan. Not only is Rick a big-time tax-and-spend liberal, he also has a troubling history of underperforming the Republican vote in his Ward.
2011 Tax Hiker of the Year Rick Bryan “represents” the heavily Republican Ward 3. John Kasich won it by 20 points even as he barely got elected Governor. Chris Monzel won it by 26 points. But Tax Hikin’ Rick Bryan, with 15 years of incumbency and running against a first-time Democrat, only won by 5 points in 2009 and did even worse in 2011. If Republicans nominate a candidate for the 28th House District who underperforms the Republican vote by 15 points, they will lose this seat again just like they did in 2008, 2010, and 2012.
- MORE POLITICS UNUSUAL: Fred Kundrata, who ran unsuccessfully for Congress as a Republican against “Mean Jean” Schmidt in Ohio’s Second District in 2012, is now trying to run even more unsuccessfully for Congress as a Dumb-Down DemocRAT in Ohio’s First District against Steve Chabothead.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” it says during Black History Month (formerly known as February), always refer to it as “Fake History Month.” Then explain that you refuse to support a racist event which essentially demeans African Americans by subtly implying that they are too bigoted and dumb to relate to any historical event which doesn’t involve people with the right skin tone.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL (THE ODIOUS OCTEGENARIAN): This poem appears in his “Sentimental Poems of Presidential Birthdays,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
Ode to Presidents’ Days
George Washington, your day is through.
Abe Lincoln, you are done.
Instead of honoring your birthdays,
We just have retail fun.
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “BE MY VALENTINE,” We learned the real meaning behind Valentine’s Day. That op-ed column first appeared in the legendary Mt. Washington Press on February 10, 1982.- PLARAGISM ALERT: Several Persons of Consequence noticed a tremendous similarity between this week’s Patronage County column entitled “Be My Valentine” published 32 years ago and Thursday’s “Valentine’s Daze” E-dition. Many of the words and phrases appear to have been copied verbatim, which means “word-for-word” for all our Failed Cincinnati Public Schools graduates. Is it possible that somebody at The Whistleblower-Newswire pilfered the prose from that little-known op-ed columnist at the Mt. Washington Press for his own purposes? Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane says you may be sure we will be getting to the bottom of it.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY: Organizers are still trying to decide when to schedule their March on Washington to demand more FREE Stuff. If yet decide to have it in February, they first thing they’re going to demand are FREE shovels, along with FREE long johns. - BREAKING NEWS: The Lyons YMCA in Anderson announced that beginning today, the Indoor Geezer Swimming Pool would be closed for the next two weeks for maintenance and repair. Not to worry. The Outdoor Pool will still be available during certain hours every day for the “Cast of Cocoon’s” frozen aquatic exercise program.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA: With news that Ohio Republican Governor Kasich was sucking up to the Black Caucus in Columbus, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about this year’s Ebony and Ivory Racial Healing Awards during Black History Month, now called Half-Black History Month in honor Obama). Kane and Buckwheat Blackwell are finalists, and Award-winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception thinks those guys have a pretty good chance.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
Monday (February 17) we’ll be celebrating Presidents’ Daze, while we’re continuing our countdown of the 1,071 days remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached.- Tuesday (February 18) we’ll be all be experiencing “Post Presidents’ Day Depression,” and our we’ll see if our Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers offer any
- Wednesday, (February 19) we’ll checking to see how the Whistleblower Ice Dancers are doing at the Winter Olympics Sochi.
- Thursday (February 20) we’ll be checking to see if Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP is having any luck bringing the 2016 Republican National Convention to Cincinnati.
- The first line of Friday’s (February 21) limerick is: “The best part about Dead Presidents’ Day.”
- And Saturday (February 22), we’ll be celebrating the Real Washington’s Birthday, because The Blower believes the Father of Our Country deserves a holiday of his own.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially REAL RACISTS!
Remembering Shirley
This week, as Weasel Zippers reported Leftists Celebrate Death of “Racist Little C*ntburger” Shirley Temple…, Ohio’s Revered Former Congressman Bob McEwen remembered the America’s National Treasure who cheered up Depression era-audiences:
Shirley and I shared a vicious contempt for communism. She was trapped in Prague, in 1968, when Brezhnev invaded Czechoslovakia with Soviet tanks, ending the “Prague Spring”.
So, it was a fun time when she was serving as our Czech Ambassador and I was helping form a newly free Czechoslovakia in January 1990. Shirley threw a birthday party for me and convinced (what turned out to be) the next two Presidents, Vaclav Havel and the current Vaclav Krause to be among the attendees.
Whenever we have met since, we would celebrate kicking out the commies.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
The Wal-Mart Theme Song
(Sent in by Faux Facebook Friend Little Stevie Driehaus-Probably Not His Real Name)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
