Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers
A year ago today Republicans were looking forward with hope and optimism on Ohio’s 2012 Primary Election Day because the GOP had all those great presidential candidates and any one of them could’ve beaten Obama, according to Faux News. —Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders- Remember how we reported that Congresswoman “Mean Jean” Schmidt stayed in DC on primary election day last year, even having lunch with the Turkish Ambassador? —Politico
- And we described the Whistleblower’s reporting as “not at all inaccurate” in Bronze Star Brad Wenstrup’s famous “second endorsement.” —Highland County Press Publisher Rory Ryan
- All of which is probably more important than when the Hula Hoop was patented on this date in 1963, if you don’t count the inventor’s heirs. —Hurley the Historian
Obama couldn’t stop the Sequester’s $85 billion in automatic spending cuts that went into effect Friday because he was out “campaigning” across the country and “berating” Republicans rather than working to find a way to get both parties in Congress to overcome gridlock. —Romneydamus- I’m happy to blame the media for putting Obama back in the White House for another four years. —Ann Romney
- How come the mainstream media always rallied around me whenever I criticized Republicans, but won’t give me the time of day lately? —Legendary Watergate Reporter Bob Woodward
- We don’t call every female reporter a “bitch,” “cunt,” or “asshole” just for asking our cabinet secretaries tough questions. —Obama White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard
- Please don’t ask me to explain the difference between closing loopholes and raising taxes. —GOP House Speaker John Boehner
- Please don’t ask why RINOs in the Senate continue to just sit around approving all of Obama’s unqualified Cabinet nominations. —Republican Senate Minority Leader Bitch McConnell
Are we subtle enough about what we think of Ohio GOP Governor Kasich Taylor’s efforts to expand ObamaCare in Ohio? —OhioRising.org- Blower readers should really like my column in Sunday’s Columbus Dispatch. —Clermont County Tea Partier Ted Stevenot
- With the Tea Party now boycotting next week’s Lincoln-Reagan Day Dinner to honor our ObamaCare-Loving Governor Kasich Taylor, we’re really desperate to fill the room. —Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP
- Please don’t ask what happened when they asked people to raise their hands if they were against my Parking Madness Plan. —Foxy Roxy
- Channel 9 “Substantially True” News says there’ll be no snow until Tuesday night, so why were the city trucks spreading salt Sunday afternoon on Kellogg, Wilmer, and Linwood? Aren’t those overpaid City workers paid double over-time on Sundays? —Your City Hall Snitch
Did you watch Sunday night’s big Channel 19 report about my passing out baked potatoes to poor black people in Winton Woods? —Loony Libertarian Mayoral Candidate Jim Berns- Several attorneys say they checked Tracy Winkler’s Hamilton County Clerk of Courts web site and they couldn’t find any record of Mickey’s recent arrest for stealing all that stuff from the Sheriff’s property room. —CH Snitch at 1000 Main Street
- You can get your “VOTE NO” signs to show you oppose the Forest Gump School District’s Secret Tax Hike at Salem Hardware. A new shipment has just arrived. But, hurry. They go fast. —WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Darryl Parks
- And just watch how fast we tear them down. —Forrest Gump Teachers
- I bet The Blower can hardly wait until next Monday when The Fishwrap introduces its Reader’s Digest size edition. —Skaggie Maggie
- On Opening Night there was no waiting to get into the new Horseshoe Casino, since they’ll always put us at the front of the line. —Compulsive Gamblers
And what a wonderful selection of streetwalkers you’ll find for your perverted pleasures. —Jerry Springer- And we’ll only need you suckers to bet $300 million a year with only a 2% chance of ever winning for us to make ends meet. —Out-of-Town Casino Owners
- A year ago today, Northern Kentucky Republicans were sleeping in because our Primary Elections wouldn’t take place for another 77 days. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
- Please don’t ask if wait times at CVG will increase because of sequestration, just believe me when I tell you so. —Obama’s Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano
- The latest and greatest e-dition of Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth’s Attorney E Rob Sanders award winning e-newsletter is on cyber news stands now! This week’s This Week In Kenton Circuit Court features all the usual thugs, druggies, hoodlums, and thieves we happened to catch, but in a new and improved format that matches the Robster’s recently re-released website. Sanders needs the newsletter to be as pretty as possible to make up for all the ugliness in the mugshots the Robster’s readers have come to know and love. —Billy Bob the Bluegrass Bailiff
- After much study of the Pope’s final message, I have it figured out in good old American Hillbilly / Appalachian English, it was “Take this job and shove it.” —The Vanilla Hills Vigilante
- We’re setting our sights on another big gun rally hereabouts. —Republicans With Guns
That’s why we chose Adolph Hitler 1935 statement, on The Weapons Act of Nazi Germany: “This year will go down in history. For the first time, a civilized nation has full gun registration. Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient, and the world will follow our lead into the future!” —Your Quote for Today Committee- Is the Reds’ 2-9 record pretty good for a team during Spring Training? —Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall
- We’re trying to decide which was worse last week: when the judge denied “Crazy Eric” temporary permission to practice law in Indiana or when Judge Mallory denied his motion to set aside a default judgment entered against him in that case when he claimed he didn’t have to pay a court reporter he ordered transcripts from. —That Cabal of NoKY Attorneys Still Out to Destroy Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club
- BB&BJ Day will be here only 15 more days. —Horny in Hebron
- Shall I mark that down on my calendar?—Trish the Dish, WXIX-TV
- It was always one of the year’s most popular holidays at TV5. —Jack Atherton (Channel 22.45 in Dayton in case you missed me)
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —
Sometimes The Blower makes fun of Newspaper Idiotorials to show that “choosing candidates” is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a discredited publication.
This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Feckless Fishwrappers.
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Some card-counting items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally card-counting contributors, but we could always use more.
Link of the Day
KasichCare is Obamacare in Ohio – Stop Medicaid Expansion!
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