Friday, January 18, 2013
Obama’s Second Term Hasn’t Even Begun
- NO WONDER ALL THOSE ROMNEY SUPPORTERS ANONYMOUS ARE STILL SO DEPRESSED: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says only 58% of voters plan to watch at least some of Obama’s second Inauguration live on Monday, and that’s a smaller crowd than planned to tune in four years ago. How many first person pronouns like “Me, Myself, and I” do you think they’ll hear? It sounds like some of Obama’s Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Supporters have found something better to do.
Our Late Night TV Jokewatcher liked Jimmy Fallon’s “Obama’s inaugural parade will feature eight floats, including a Hawaii float to honor his birthplace, an Illinois float to honor the first lady’s home state, and a Kenyan float just to mess with Republicans.”
At Obama’s Second Inauguration, he’ll be sworn in on a stack of Bibles— and even that won’t be enough.
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Douglas Malloch’s “A liar freely gives his oath.”
- IMPEACHMENT FANATICS will be gathering in state capitals across America for Resistance Rallies Against Obama on February 16, 2013. Do you think anybody will still be mad at him by then?
- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1990, Washington D.C. Mayor Marion Barry was arrested and charged with drug possession and the use of crack cocaine and curiously, our Kneepad Liberals in the Press have forgotten to mention he has been a Drugged-up DemocRAT ever since, and back on the DC City Clown-cil, but no surprise there, since he is a DemocRAT.
- IN COLUMBUS: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says according to the Beacon Journal, Ohio logged a record $849 million in liquor sales in 2012. Just wait till they see how much people are drinking in 2013!
- GOP STATE-REP-TILES have absconded into the $199. + tax per night Cherry Valley Lodge Resort and Spa this week to discuss how to pretend to push the conservative agenda in order to get reelected. The local delegation was laying low after The Morning Fishwrap labeled them the most “clout less” delegation since 1964 when districts were first established. Why did they choose to meet at the privately owned Cherry Lodge, instead of the many state park lodges which the state maintains and operates? If you’ve ever visited any of the state park lodges, you would know the answer. Of course that is the problem, nobody visits them.
Armstrong Rhemus of Newtonsville, Ohio has expressed his outrage at new State Rep-tile John Becker, after only two weeks on the job for going on that retreat at a swanky resort hotel outside Columbus. Armstrong, who is a heavy equipment operator by trade, demands answers to the question; “Who in the hell is paying for this opulent get-a-way?”
Is it the over-taxed payers? Is it the investors that McMason State Rep-tile Pete Beck allegedly fleeced? Is it the public utilities that can now raise their rates without oversight thanks to Peter “The Tool” Stautberg’s bill? Whistleblower readers, and Armstrong Rhemus, have questions and demand answers.
Finally, what is the Clermont and Anderson Tea Party stance on private retreats for politicians?
By the way, Armstrong is a real person from Newtonsville (wherever the hell that is), and he really posted a question on John Becker’s Facebook site, after Becker was bragging about going to the retreat. Typical politicians strangely always brag to their constituents about their free gifts. It makes them feel important.
Left-wing extremist Steve Newsome, who was annihilated in his 2012 run for State Rep-tile by Lou Terhar in the 30th District, was caught on his Twitter account using a single shooting to conclude that all gun owners are irresponsible. Republicans for Higher Taxes said that because some homosexuals are irresponsible criminals, therefore Newsome is an irresponsible criminal too. They have named this The Steve Newsome Standard. Nothing like blaming one person’s misbehavior on an entire group.
- GUN CONTROL UPDATE: Bluegrass Rifle Association Billy Bob Carbine says “let’s all watch that new NRA ad: “America Speaks For Itself.”
- CONSTITUENT SERVICE NOT A PRIORITY: When Hamilton County Common Pleas Court Judge Robert Ruehlman was stranded on an island in the Caribbean, he had his wife call fellow Republican U.S. Senator Rob “Fighting for Filibusters” Portman’s office for a little help. But they blew her off, just like yesterday’s caller to “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup’s office, who couldn’t even get the new Congressman’s local phone number. Checking out Wednesday’s Forest Hills Urinal wouldn’t have been a help either, since they still haven’t reported change of Ohio’s Second District Office from Kenwood to 7954 Beechmont Avenue, directly across from the Anderson Tea Party Headquarters.
- TROUBLEMAKING TAILGATER TINO DELGATO watched with amazement Notre Dame AD Jack Swarbuck’s tears as he reported on Manti Te’o’s recent “tragedy” about a fake girl friend hoax. Somehow Tino doesn’t remember those crocodile tears a few years ago when a Notre Dame student Declan Sullivan was killed after a scaffold collapsed at a Notre Dame Football practice. Go Figure!!! David A. Pepper wonders what’s the BFD. Since he’s has a fake girlfriend for years.
- IN COLERAIN TOWNSHIP: The Northworst Press is stooping to new lows by publishing a letter by Chatty Cathy Mohr, who urges all the residents to come to the Colerain meeting on January 22 to piss and moan along with her in support of the fire and police departments. She is trying to win the prestigious “Jaws of Life Award” by constantly bitching about anything and everything at Colerain Township. Never mind the fact that almost nothing she says has any truth to it.
You see, many years ago she got her ass kicked at the polls by a newcomer to politics. She had only 16 years at her cushy job surrounded by special friends at the public trough and she isn’t over getting clobbered by a “Rookie.” Some people just never get over it, do they?
Good luck to Cathy on the “Jaws of Life Award” and possible nomination for the “Golden Handcuff Award” if your complaints go over the allotted time limit.
- FIREARMS IN FLORENCE: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo went to the Florence Hardware the other day. This is the sign that they have placed on their front door. They should be commended and patronized with our business. Here is a small business in our small community who still believes in the “United States Constitution.” E-mail them at http://www.florencehardware.com/ and visit their business and tell all your friends about them. It would be nice if this started a trend in the community, county, state, and country.
- FINALLY AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Charles Foster Kane what Republicans should try to accomplish in Williamsburg, Virginia on their Congressional Retreat, and Our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher say, “to stop retreating.”
Stories We’re Working On
- Plans proceeding for Obama’s “Historic” Second Inauguration
- Things beginning to look not so good for Romney
- Boehner Ignoring Obama’s 23 Gun Control Demands
- Obama Campaign Manager sends e-mail begging for Gun Control Support
- $60 Billion Sandy Resoration Bill larded with Pork
- Will “Mean Jean” crash State of the Union Address?
- Obama says “The best is yet to come.”
Whistleblower Web Poll
(A) Balance the Budget: 2%
(B) Win Himself another Nobel Prize: 1%
(C) Then achieve world peace: 3%
(D) Kick off his 2016 re-election campaign: 94%
Stop Him Before He Masturbates in Your Car
This week, everybody who was planning to read his limerick live on Anderson Community TV about Masturbating Anderson Township Trustee Kevin O’Brien at Thursday’s Trustees Meeting, e-mailed entries to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is was a young fellow named Merkin, who was always jerkin his gherkin. His father said Merkin, stop jerkin your gherkin, your gherkins fer ferkin not jerkin.
Merkin wins an “I Rather Be Masturbating” bumper sticker, a garage full of old porn magazines from Phil Burr-Ass (with all of the pages unstuck), and an opportunity to sign petitions being circulated by Women’s Groups in Anderson asking Hamilton County’s New Sheriff Jim Neil’s Deputies to conduct a “Penis Lineup,” so the proper charge might be filed against Old Spanky. His winning limerick was:
In Anderson, our Disgraceful Trustee
Had something that he thought she must see
But within her car
He went much too far
And left it out so long it got rusty.
Here’s a dishonorable mention from Kevin’s fellow Trustee “In Russ We Trust” Jackson
In Anderson, our Disgraceful Trustee,
Was a man who was once full of glee.
It was all so much fun,
With a client’s fees he had run
That he just had to whip out his little wee wee.
Here’s one by Anderson Tea Party Patriot Andy Pappas
In Anderson, our disgraceful trustee
Though he whacked off, he got off scot-free
I guess it’s all right
If you do it at night
And you’re in your driveway and no one can see.
But still it makes us all wonder
How could he make such a blunder
If you’re caught pulling your pud
You can bet your name will be mud
And your career would end up six feet under.
But for some reason, Kevin escaped
(Maybe he claimed he was raped)
Don’t you love politicians
They get off like magicians
Ooh, I wish his escapade had been taped.
Here’s that seven line limerick the judges are still talking about.
In Anderson, our Disgraceful Trustee,
Wins the “Corrupt Public Official” Suburban Grand Prix.
“Whacky Jackie’s” son has the family expertise:
“Whacking” and “jacking” and all kinds of sleaze.
While The Urinal may ignore Spanky pulling his pud
The Blower will continue exposing this dud
‘Cause our job is to stroke the truth, not our pee-pee.
And from the Anderson Laureate (who says, “Can you believe this guy’s still a trustee?”)
In Anderson, our Disgraceful Trustee,
To all his critics, he simply says, “Gee!”
“I just pulled out my wienie
So fragile and teeny,
Gosh, I was only trying to take a pee!”
But his lady friend says that’s a bunch of crap
He’s just trying to beat the latest rap
He was strokin’ and strokin’
So fast it was smokin’
And he wanted her to sit on his lap.
She told the creep to back off,
In her car he wasn’t permitted to jack off.
Though he wanted her to eat it,
She just told him to beat it
And by gosh, he never did slack off!
Our misbehaving, horny trustee
Grabbed his schwantz and put his hand on her knee
But while in her car,
He went just a wee bit too far
Guess he’s been watching too much porno TV.