One of the best parts about publishing The Whistleblower Newswire is checking our e-mail first thing each morning to see some of those politically insightful items we’ve received from our equally politically insightful subscribers. Our readers’ comments are extremely helpful for our analysis and interpretation of today’s important top stories.
Thursday, January 31, 2012
No Time for Procrastination
- YOUR TIME IS UP: Hamilton County Treasurer Robert A. Goering says you can no longer ignore your “Jacked Up Tax Bill,” because you only have until midnight tonight to get your money in, or our Disingenuous DemocRAT Double-Dipping DemocRAT Obama-loving County Auditor will publish your name in The Fishwrap, along with all those other deadbeats.”
- SPEAKING OF DEADBEATS: Is Obama a “Four-Flusher” or what? Last week he opened with an announcement that he’d be revealing his so-called Immigration Reform Plan on Tuesday. Bipartisan Senators upped his ante by publishing their so-called Immigration Reform Plan on Monday. Tuesday, when Obama flew to Las Vegas for his $1.6 million photo op, instead of announcing his so-called Immigration Reform Plan, he said he really liked the Senators’ so-called Immigration Reform Plan and told them to work it out (knowing full well he’ll never agree to it and won’t be troubled by having a plan of his own to defend).
The Whistleblower’s Garrulous Grammarian says “Four Flushing” is a poker term referring to a person who makes empty boasts or bluffs when holding only four cards of one suit (instead of five). A “Four Flusher” can also refer to a welcher, piker, or braggart, and when you look up “Four-Flusher” in your Funkin’ Wagnall’s, you see Obama’s picture.
- IN WASHINGTON: our DC Newsbreaker says everybody’s still talking about CBS’ horribly lame excuses for Steve Kroft’s softball interview with Obama and Hillary on “60 Minutes.” Photoshop Spoofer Edward Cropper shows us what that looked like.
- OBAMANOMICS -0.1: Whistleblower Business Editor Merrill Forbes says the fact that Fourth Quarter GDP came in at -0.1%, doesn’t that mean for the first time in over three years, the U.S. Gross Domestic Product shrank, instead of grew. One thing’s for sure: the Economy wasn’t “turgid.” Look that up in Funkin’ Wagnall’s.
- LURCHING TO THE LEFT: The U.S. Senate approved Disgraceful DemocRAT Senator John “Lurch” Kerry to be Obama’s next Secretary of State. It’s hard to imagine Kerry being any worse than Hillary, but The Blower’s sure he’ll try. The vote was 94-3, and would you believe, Rob “Fighting for Filibusters” was NOT one of the three.
- OUR LATE NIGHT JOKEWATCHER liked Jimmy Fallon’s “Last night President Obama and Hillary Clinton appeared on ‘60 Minutes’ for their first joint interview. It was a little awkward when they both showed up wearing the same suit.
- IN COLUMBUS: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says Ohio DemocRAT Party Executive Director sent out an e-mail still fanning the flames on State School Board President Debe Terhar at the stake, asking for $8 donations to help send a message to John Kasich that extreme views like those from his ally President Terhar are unacceptable and he needs to be a one-term Governor!
- POLITICAL PANCAKES: Is it true that last Saturday, Kentucky’s U.S. Senator Rand Paul told overpriced pancake eaters at the North East Hamilton County Republican Pancake Breakfast that he learned more about the Middle East, Israel, Iran, and the Ottoman Empire from recently traveling with Revered Former Congressman Bob McEwen in Jerusalem than all of Hillary’s State Department briefings during three years?
- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1865, a Republican-controlled Congress passed the 13th Amendment abolishing slavery in the United States. Do you think any of our Obama Supporters at PMSNBC will be talking about that today?
- NO WONDER OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Ronald Reagan’s “You can accomplish much if you don’t care who gets the credit.”
- INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALIST FEARLESS FERRETT says a recent e-mail discloses the name of Maggi Cook as the woman with six felonies in Ohio who’s been active in Hamilton County RINO Party politics for several years. Is that the same Maggi Cook as the Maggi Cook who’s listed as one of Charles Foster Kane’s Faux Facebook Friends?
- THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says only 32% think their own member of Congress deserves re-election. It might be a little higher in Ohio’s Second Congressional District if constituents knew how to call the secret location of “Bronze Star Brad’s” District Office in Anderson Township, across the street from the Anderson Tea Party Headquarters.
Also in Anderson, tonight is the first Party on the Plaza at the Anderson Center, and Masturbating Township Trustee Kevin “Big Spanky” O’Brien wants to know if some nice lady would like to give him a ride home.
- STEVE CHABOTHEAD says he opposes Amnesty for Illegal Immigrants. Whistleblower Hispanic-American Immigration Reporter Gringo Gonzales wonders how many of those Latino lawbreakers are in Ohio’s First Congressional District anyway.
- WTF ALERT: In their coverage of Loony Libertarian Jim Berns’ run for Cincinnati Mayor, Channel 19’s “Substantially Screwed Up” News reported Foxy Roxy would be running on the DemocRAT side and Little Lord John Joseph Cranley IV would be running for the Republicans. “Concerned About Cranley in Cincy” says, “WTF is that all about? Since when is Cranley a Republican?”
- GAY NEWS UPDATE: Alternate Life-styles Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis say Gay Boy Scouts need you to call Boy Scout Headquarters at 972-580-2000 and clamor for more homosexual scout leaders like Uncle Phil.
In a related item, Chris “Squeel-bach” is honoring the two heroes who aided a man under attack on Central Parkway. Meanwhile no word or clues into his allegedly being attacked downtown by an unknown assailant. Police have told anyone who asks that the Cincinnati Gay Clowncilman has not been very forthcoming with clues like the description of his assailant. Haven’t we heard all this before? Doesn’t anybody remember David Pepper’s case?
- SHOW US YOUR MONEY: The Hamilton County RINO Party e-mailed supporters trying to raise money for something called their “Leadership Council.” If anybody needs to learn something about “Leadership,” it’s those people.
- OUR COLERAIN CORRESPONDENT says the dis-trustees’ decision to put a tax hike for the police on the ballot means it is going to be fun to watch Trustee Jeff Ritter squirm. Ritter is up for re-election this year and is scared of the challenge emerging on the right.
The Rumpke-supported Ritter would have a lot more support from Republicans if he hadn’t tried to throw the Fiscal Officer under the bus in 2011 when Rumpke-subsidized Colerain Township Business Association President Tom Hart ran against her. Ritter did everything he could behind the scenes to help Hart. The election results show that Hart’s best performance was in the most Republican precinct in Colerain Township, where Ritter just happens to live. Hart did better in Ritter’s precinct Q than he did in his own precinct. Coincidence? Of course not.
Last year, Ritter hatched a scheme where the township would start charging other community organizations $100 per meeting to rent the community center’s meeting rooms and use that money to provide administrative services for the Business Association, plus give them a free room to hold their meetings. That plan fell apart once everyone got wind of it.
Ritter has already given the Business Association free reign to do as it pleases at public events such as the Taste of Colerain and the 4th of July, allowing them to parade and promote their political candidates for free, while making the local Republican Club pay more than anyone else and for less space, and forcing the local Republican Club to pay for the clean-up. Supposedly, this is because only Republican candidates’ campaign literature ends up on the ground and not in the trash, but Ritter also instructs the police to make sure Republican candidates aren’t allowed to hand anything out, while Business Association backed DemocRATS like Wolterman and Hart have free reign to do so. He’s also made sure Hart and Wolterman get as much stage time as they need while banning candidates and incumbents he doesn’t like from the stage.
It’s going to be fun watching the chickens come home to roost for Ritter. That Rumpke stench is going to be hard to wash off.
- FIRST AMENDMENT UPDATE: Late Friday, Judge Timothy Black finally threw out Steve Driehaus’ frivolous lawsuit against a group calling itself the Susan B. Anthony List for besmirching his character. We’ll give you the Disgraced DemocRAT Former Ohio First District Congressman’s response as soon as we translate those drums from Swaziland.
Meanwhile, That Cabal of NoKY Attorneys Still Out to Destroy Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club) was not surprised when Kenton Circuit Court judge dismissed “Crazy Eric’s” frivolous SLAPP lawsuit against Skaggie Maggie, Wedgie Washburn, Jim Hannah, and Terry DeMio at The Fishwrap. “And we didn’t even ask if all high school teachers were freaks in the sack,” Jim Hannah grinned.
- FINALLY, YESTERDAY AT A BRIBE LUNCH, a political insider was asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane why most people don’t get as upset on Property Tax Days as they do on the big April 15 Tax Day. “Most people’s property taxes are included with their mortgage payments,” Kane explained. “So they never see how much they’re paying for those fools in schools and all those other taxes that are included.” That’s why The Blower always says everybody should have to write a really big check on Tax Day, and they should hold elections on the same day people have to pay their taxes. Do you think our elected officials would go along with that?”
Seediest Kids of All
The Greggie Delev Story
“Little Greggie” Delev was an unhappy 14-year-old Anderson Township second-grader who was never chosen for anything important, no matter how much he sucked up to everybody at school. His teacher wouldn’t let him clean the erasers. Class officers wouldn’t support him for hall monitor. The principal wouldn’t sign his petition for safety patrol. And the coach wouldn’t even let him dress up in a gerbil suit to be the team mascot.
So the Seediest Kids of All (not affiliated with the Failed United Way) called Anderson Township Trustee “In Russ We Trust” Jackson, who got “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman to arrange an honor truly befitting “Little Greggie’s” talents and abilities, to be honorary bag holder at the Annual Anderson Township Bulgarian-American Snipe Hunt. Felonious Fund-raiser Dickie Weiland tried to get support from his sleazy lobbyist friends in Columbus, “Maudlin Mike” Allen offered his meaningless endorsement, Disgraced Anderson Trustee Kevin “Big Spanky” O’Brien taught him how to masturbate, Family Friendly Fascist Chris Finney showed up at one of “Little Greggie’s” press conference and called him an asshole, and Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane promised never to hold him up to public ridicule, should “Little Greggie” ever wish to run for public office or seek the endorsement of the Anderson Township Republican Party next Wednesday.
The Delev family is grateful to the Seediest Kids of All for helping “Little Greggie” reach his true potential holding the bag, but it’s really you they have to thank, because it’s your liberal guilt giving throughout the year which makes it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans
Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our January fund-raising drive by Hamilton County Treasurer Robert Goering, for all that great publicity we continue to provide him for doing absolutely nothing.