Sunday, December 30, 2012
The Blower’s Week in Review
- OUR NUMBER STORY THIS WEEK was when Obama finally emerged from his $4 Million over-taxed payer funded family Cliff-mas vacation in Hawaii (with borrowed money) for more political theater over attempts to avoid sending America over that “Fiscal Cliff.”
- OUR NUMBER TWO STORY THIS WEEK was when DemocRAT Senate Leader Harry Reid and Republican Minority Leader Bitch McConnell agreed to work on a deal this weekend to avoid sending American over that “Fiscal Cliff.”
- AND OUR NUMBER THREE STORY THIS WEEK was how everybody’s waiting on GOP Speaker of the House John Boehner to cave in right after you hear him say, “This is probably the best deal we could get.”
Happy New Year, America— you’ll be hitting your $16.394 Trillion Debt Ceiling on Monday.
Only in Washington DC can 536 individuals sit around debating a set of alternatives that at best would bring in enough revenue to cover nine days of deficit and contain no actual reduction in spending!
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Ronald Reagan’s “We don’t have a trillion-dollar debt because we haven’t taxed enough; we have a trillion-dollar debt because we spend too much.”
Still, Obama claims raising taxes to cut the deficit is a “balanced” approach. Americans for Tax Reform’s Grover Norquist says, “Raising Taxes isn’t compromise.”
- MONDAY in our Special “Christmas Eve” E-dition, The Blower said, “Happy Humbug, Everybody!” because it’s Always More Blessed to Receive.
Hurley the Historian says the exact date of Jesus’ birth is not known, but that’s not a good enough reason to change all the calendars. Plus, tonight TBS will be airing “A Christmas Story” twelve times during Christmas Eve and Christmas. Politicians are exploiting Christmas every chance they get. We’re wondering if it’ll be as bad as it was a couple of years ago when in Washington State,somebody nailed Santa to a cross to protest Christmas commercialism, and in New Zealand, drunk Santas stormed a movie theater leaving children really confused.
The reason we’re seeing more Christmas scenes taking place at Joseph’s carpenter shop in Bethlehem instead of the stable in Nazareth (70 miles away) is due to a change in Roman Catholic Church policy of favoring Matthew’s version of the story as opposed to the other three New Testament authors. Besides, they found a sponsor for the carpenter shop location: Black and Decker.
Our Quote for Today Committee selected Bad Santa’s “It’s always more blessed to receive.” Our Pervert Porn Checker e-mailed us a picture entitled “How to get what you want for Christmas,” and sure enough, it showed Santa getting a BJ. And if you think that’s in bad taste, check out the Corporate Christmas Card the Greedy Weasels at Clear Channel sent to some of their soon-to-be-fired employees who once again received no Christmas bonuses this year.
Is it always better to give or receive? Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane says, “Just ask all those dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct, uninformed, short-attention-span Obama supporters who voted for more free stuff and will wind up with a nice tax increase on January 1, along with the rest of us during the Dark Ages in the Divided States of America during Obama’s Second Term.
- TUESDAY in our Special “Holiday Humbuggery” E-dition,The Blower said, “Did Scrooge turn out to be wimp or what?” and “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” included:
That Mayan calendar wasn’t correct and the world didn’t really come to an end on December 21, so America is still scheduled to go over the Fiscal Cliff in six more days when that $494 billion tax increase wallops the economy on January 1, 2013. —Taxmageddon Countdowners
All we want for Christmas is more “Free Stuff.” —All those dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct, uninformed, short-attention-span Obama supporters who will wind up with a nice tax increase on January 1, along with the rest of us during the Dark Ages in the Divided States of America during Obama’s Second Term
Just because I keep caving in to Obama and the DemocRATS doesn’t mean I should be replaced as Republican Speaker of the House. —John Boehner
It’s a good thing George Washington didn’t wimp out when it came to crossing the Delaware in an ice storm on Christmas night in 1776. —Hurley the Historian
Conservatism, in my humble opinion, did not lose the 2012 Election. People are not going to vote against Santa Claus, especially if the alternative is being your own Santa Claus. —Rush Limbaugh
Please don’t criticize the president’s $4 Million over-taxed payer funded (with borrowed money) family holiday vacation in Hawaii. Just think of it as a mini Stimulus Program. —White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard
- WEDNESDAY in our Special “Cinci-Kwanzaabration” E-dition,The Blower said it wouldn’t be politically correct to make Kwanzaa jokes this week.
Despite an Orange Alert from Doppler Radar Central, a diverse group of terrorists struck at the heart of Cincinnati on Christmas Day when they invaded Fountain Square and set fire to the 80-foot high Amazing Chabot Head that had been decorated for Christmas with the Star of Dubya on top.
“The display was totally insensitive,” said a swarthy spokesman for the terrorists, who claimed credit for the attack. “It failed to commemorate the festivals of Hanukkah, Ramadan, Kwanzaa, and the Wiccan Sabbat of Yule. Everyone knows Chabot is just a mean-spirited, bigoted Republican who hates all Arabs, Jews, Druids, and Black people.” Amazingly, Butler County Racial Racketeer Gary Hines, the racist crazies from the Coalition for a Jew-free Cincinnati, Belligerent Black Blogger Nate “Rhymes With Hate” Livingston, and lobbyists for the Empty Uppity Oprah Winfrey Campaigning for Obama, Under-funded, Ugly-ass Poorly-Planned Unnagraown Rayroe Museum Not-so-Free-dom Center took part in the attack.
We know WLW Racist in Residence Bill Cunningham is still mocking the mourning of Godfather of Soul James Brown and once again told his listeners Kwanzaa wasn’t a real holiday and the politically correct scam had only been made up during the height of the black power movement by a militant Marxist ex-con in 1966 (Probably another one of those guys Obama swears he never met). But the WLW Hate Radio trash talker really didn’t have to tell all those little Black children listening to his radio show that there really wasn’t a Kwanzaa Klaus and it was really just their unwed parents who were stealing their stuff?
- THURSDAY, in our Special “Many Happy Returns” E-dition, The Blower said, “Here He Comes to Save The Day!”
That Mayan calendar wasn’t correct and the world didn’t come to an end on December 21, so Taxmageddon is still coming in four more days when America goes over the Fiscal Cliff and that $494 billion tax increase wallops the economy on January 1, 2013. (Just check out our Countdown Calendar in the lower right hand corner on the wage.
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today chose Clint Eastwood’s “Even people on the liberal side are starting to worry about going off a fiscal cliff.”
Current Events Photoshop Spoofer Edward Cropper confirms Obama’s on the way.
HELP IS ON THE WAY: White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard says not to worry, Obama is cutting short his traditional $4 Million over-taxed payer funded family Cliff-mas vacation in Hawaii (with borrowed money) to save the day by preventing the economy from going over the so-called fiscal cliff, if only GOP House Speaker John Boehner will just keep on blinking.
Michelle Obama (whom some fondly refer to as “Mooch”) and her daughters plan to continue their vacation, adding at least $100,000 and probably more than $200,000 in additional borrowing for over-taxed payers’ to pay for the excursion.
- FRIDAY in our Special “Rhyme Time” E-dition, The Blower said, “This has been another good year for our rancid rhymes.
Here are just a few egregious examples from Percy Dovetonsils:
Voters said my time wasn’t through in the Year 2-0-1-2. —Obama
Because more free stuff was duein the Year 2-0-1-2. —Dumbed-down, Self-absorbed, Media-influenced, Celebrity-obsessed, Politically-correct, Uninformed, Short-attention-span Obama Supporters
Our Liberal Bias only grew in the Year 2-0-1-2. —Obama Supporters in the Press
Over the Fiscal Cliff we flew in the Year 2-0-1-2. —GOP House Speaker John Boehner
Once again, Ohio turned “Blue” in the Year 2-0-1-2. —Governor Kasich and the So-Called Ohio Republican Party
Our dreams of four year terms finally did come true in the Year 2-0-1-2. —Mark Mallory’s Extreme Liberal City Clown-cil
My qualifications were up to judicial reviewinthe Year 2-0-1-2. — Cincinnati’s Still Untested Police Chief James Craig
- SATURDAY in our Special “Resolutions and Restitutions” E-dition, The Blower said, “Another obligatory year-end ritual for pandering publications is a list of local celebrity resolutions and we presented some you’d probably see:”
“JAYWALKING JOE” DETERS: call murderers and rapists “scum” like I used to do in good old days.
OHIO REPUBLICAN GOVERNOR JOHN KASICH: Color Ohio “Blue” on the new state maps.
MILLIONAIRE REPUBLICAN U.S. SENATOR ROB “FIGHTING FOR FORGETFULNESS” PORTMAN: attend the next Romney Supporters Anonymous Meeting in Goshen.
FECKLESS FISHWRAPPERS: try to find a little “Feck.”
COAST AND THE NAALCP: No matter how irrelevant we may become, make sure we make lots of money for Family Friendly Fascist Chris Finney and SMLP Smithermouth.
Seediest Kids of All
The Juanito Rameriz Story
As early as 1999 in our Seediest Kids of All series, The Blower was telling you about Juanito Rameriz, a lonely little 9-year-old Latino lad who lived in squalor with his family in one of WESTCO’s dilapidated buildings in Lower Price Hill, and how he dreamed of one day meeting his hero Anthony Munoz. Juanito’s father Manuel labored on a P&G construction site. Juanito’s mother Maria worked as a maid in a Sharonville motel. Juanito’s sisters Carmalita, 12, and Conchita, 13, slaved long hours sorting lettuce for Senor Bob Castellini’s fancy Hyde Park soirees. But no matter how hard they all worked, they could never share The American Dream; because they were all illegal aliens, and they couldn’t keep up their extortion payments to the “coyotes” at the Illegal Aliens Association who gouged them for $2,000-per-peon smuggling fees, plus extra for living accommodations, plus more for forged Federal documents, and still more for job placements with local companies.
So the Seediest Kids of All sent the entire Rameriz family to see the caring folks at the Lower Price Hill Hispanic Outreach Center. You should’ve seen little Juanito smile when he heard he was going to meet his idol Anthony Munoz. Juanito’s mother Maria wept with joy when she heard Anthony Munoz would be giving them free furniture from Furniture Fair. But instead, they were taken to INS and immediately deported, so they could enjoy Christmas at home in Mexico where they really belonged. The entire Rameriz family was grateful to the Seediest Kids of All, but was really you they have to thank, because it’s your guilt
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
- COUNTDOWN TO TAXMAGEDDON: Obama finally emerged from his $4 Million over-taxed payer funded family Cliff-mas vacation in Hawaii (with borrowed money) and after Sunday, there will only be one more day of political posturing to avoid sending America over that “Fiscal Cliff” we’ve all been hearing about.
- THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says, “Like it or not, Americans seem resigned to tumbling over the ‘fiscal cliff.’ Perhaps in part it’s because they recognize, as economist Lawrence Kudlow noted on a recent edition of “What America Thinks,” that it’s more of a fiscal slope.”
- WALL STREET WEAK: Whistleblower Business Editor Merrill Forbes wonders if this is the lowest the Stock Market has been since Obama was re-elected on November 6. Just wait till next week if Obama and Congress fail to reach an agreement.
- THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE CHOSE Obama’s “The best is yet to come.”
- LAYOFFS LOOMING: Next week’s Jobs Report really ought to be great.
- THUGS ‘R US: For long-overdue Right-to-Work Legislation to get on the ballot in Ohio this year, the Ohio Workplace Freedom Act needs about 380,000 signatures by July 3.
- MESSAGE FOR JOHN BOEHNER: Read our Lips: “No New Taxes!”
- MEDIA MENDACITY: White House will be rewarding NBC’s David Gregory for attacking the NRA on this Sunday’s “Meet the Press.” Obama Supporter Gregory’s exclusive interview with Obama comes in the final hours before the deadline for the looming fiscal cliff and is Obama’s first since September 20, 2009, during the health care reform fight.
- RACIAL HEALING UPDATE: In Wednesday’s Cinci-Kwanzaabration E-dition, The Blower published Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark Mallory’s hand-picked City Mangler Chocolate Doughboy Milton Dohoney’s reading The Night Befo’ Kwanzaa to children of soon-to-be-laid-off Cincinnati residents. Besides losing their jobs, these children’s parents also didn’t get the first day of Kwanzaa off with pay today since the African-American majority on Clown-cil forgot to give them their paid holiday declared by President Obama.
- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1853 the southern U.S. Border when James Gadsden, the U.S. minister to Mexico, and General Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna, the president of Mexico, signed the Gadsden Purchase in Mexico City, and wetbacks have been illegally entering the country ever since.
- VOTER FRAUD UPDATE: According to Plunderbund, Ohio Secretary of State Jon Husted admitted Voter Fraud in the Buckeye State is “Very Rare.” [That is not a typo.]
- OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Jimmy Falllon’s “Today, Obama announced that he’s giving all federal employees Christmas Eve off. And when Joe Biden heard that he was like, ‘But not Santa, right?’
- FIRST AMENDMENT UPDATE: That Steubenville SLAPP suit in which Whistleblower Dream Team Chairman Scott Greenwood was involved has now settled. Essentially, once our ACLU Mouthpiece entered the case to represent the anonymous commenters, the plaintiffs folded. Scott used the same winning tactic as in his landmark Deters v The Blower Defense.
- REPUBLICANS FOR HIGHER TAXES plans to support Former Sheriff Simon Leis’ return to the Hamilton County Courthouse as a visiting judge.
- FOCUS GROUP: analyzing what went wrong with the Republican message in 2012, we recall when Emma Goldman once said: “If voting changed anything, they’d make it illegal.”
- HAMILTON COUNTY RINO PARTY: While Alex T. Mall Cop GOP is all a-Twitter on Facebook about Warren County’s economic power, he says it’s because “conservative Republicans” rule Warren County. Alex is right, of course, so why does he continue to support tax-and-spend Republicans like Deputy Dog Donovan in Hamilton County? Warren County Republicans also do NOT make deals with DemocRATS.
- OHIO’S HEARTACHE OF IT ALL: In Columbus, Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says according to the Akron Beacon Journal, the Great Recession has been over for more than three years. In soup kitchens, food pantries and shelters across Ohio, the reality is quite different. The impact of difficult economic times lingers. An estimated 391,000 remain out of work and many are underemployed. Hunger is part of that reality, a growing number of households unable to afford a regular supply of food, the most rapid increases in need occurring in rural and suburban Ohio.
- ROMNEY SUPPORTERS ANONYMOUS were really depressed this week when they heard about Mitt’s son Tagg saying his dad really didn’t want to be president.
- CLOWNS IN CONGRESS: On Friday, Obama signed an executive order giving pay raises to Joke Vice President Joe Biden ($231,900) and all members of Congress ($174,900). The Blower says with millions of Americans unemployed, underemployed, and whose pay has been cut over the last few years, and the country about to go over the Fiscal Cliff, it seems ridiculous that the architects of all our problems are rewarded with pay raises.
- GOING GALT: The phrase ‘Going Galt’ doesn’t simply mean getting angry. Going Galt’ means asking in the face of new taxes and government controls, “Why work at all?” “For whom am I working?” “Am I a slave?”
- THE CINCINNATI MESS (You’ll only read about in The Blower): During the recent fire in Spring Grove Village, news reporters were trying to track down Spring Grove Village’s most famous resident, former City Clown-cilman and current Hamilton County Commissioner Chris Monzel to no avail. It turns out that The Monz has joined the list of other County Commissioners (Odd Todd Opportune and “Schnozzy” Heimlich come to mind) to abandon the city of Cincinnati. Monzel quietly bought a McMansion in Glendale recently and does not want anyone to know. That’s why the news reporters are still trying to track him down.
- SENIOR SPOILED SPORTS EDITOR ANDY FURBALL says Pete Rose found a 30-year-old, who didn’t know who he was and wants to marry the banished Cincinnati Reds baseball player. Give us a break! The Learning Channel must be running out of ideas for reality TV shows.
- CH SNITCH AT 1000 MAIN STREET: Courthouse Hacks are eagerly awaiting that story (uncovered by a debt collector) involving the slow payment history of a relative to a well-known local elected official, whose name you might know.
- REAL GOSSIP BY LINDA LIBEL: Local wags were all lathered up over Warren County Commissioner David Young’s appearance on Fox & Friends. Young appeared because Warren County is one of those rare government entities with no debt. However, something was missing from Young’s appearance. And we are not just talking about the missing neck tie Young didn’t wear in his lame impersonation of Rob “Fighting for Firearms” Portman. It seems Mrs. Young was missing after she was shuffled off the scene during their very recent quiet divorce. Dave Young ran on the Family Values platform. Why are we not surprised?
- FROZEN NIPPLE ALERT: Sidney Sportsucker, who sold his spleen to buy Bungals tickets this year, wishes Sunday was not the Bungals’ last home game, since he has choice seats behind this drunken floozy.
- INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALIST FEARLESS FERRETT is already checking out that story (discovered by a private investigator) involving the criminal record of a woman who’s been active in Hamilton County RINO Party politics for several years.
- LOONY LIBERTARIANS: Cincinnati Mayoral Candidate Jim Berns learned the “True Meaning of Kwanzaa” when he dressed up like Santa Claus and went to Winton Hills to spread some Kwanzaa cheer by handing our hundreds of stuffed toys to children and their parents.
One of the women was particularly grateful. “I don’t have any presents for my daughter,” she explained. “They came and repossessed my car last night and all the presents for her were in the trunk.”
- NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL, found in “Erotic Christmas Poems,” available at better sticky pages bookstores everywhere.
Ode to the New Year
Oh, the New Year’s a’comin’,
It don’t look so hot.
Yes, the New Year’s a’comin’.
Unfortunately I’m not.
- LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” # 102: “Tell a liberal how much you appreciate that the Obama economy is a system of checks and balances. He writes the checks, you pay the balances.”
- IN CLERMONT COUNTY:The Union Township Board of Trustees will have declared Monday, December 31 as “Don White Day” in Union Township. That idea is not so strange. This is the same coven of cronies who named Election Day on November 6 for That Lame-Duck, Corrupt, Evicted, Lying, Plagiarizing, Meddling, Overblown, Bought-And-Paid-For, Tax-And-Spend, Wrinkle-Puss Rino Bitch-In-A-Ditch Mean Jean Schmidt.
- TEA PARTY PATRIOTS say whether you believe we need a new Speaker or would like to remind Congressional representatives of the importance of holding the line on issues such as taxes and spending, now would be a good time to voice your concerns, if only citizens in Ohio’s Second Congressional District knew how or where to contact their new Congressman.
- IN ANDERSON: Angry Andersonians have plenty to be angry about as we end 2012. First, the Forest Gump School District announced another tax levy campaign to build palatal mansions for the drug-abusing fornicating youth of Anderson Township. Second, the Morning Fishwrap reported that there is actually and Anderson township resident named Chewanna Henderson and she looks worse than Chewbacca from the Star Wars movie. Chewanna, asked a man to take her puppy and in return she had sex with him. What a deal! Only problem is Chewanna forgot to tell the man she has HIV Aids. Opps, it just probably slipped her mind since she was so overjoyed about finding her puppy a good home. But then when the man let visitors into that good home, Chewanna stabbed him. Why would Andersonians be angry about this? Other than the fact that someone named Chewanna lives in Anderson and other than the fact someone that looks like Chewanna lives in Anderson, is that Chewanna is a registered Obama voter and cannot wait to vote for the Forest Gump School district tax levy.
- IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says one thing Republicans in Kentucky learned in 2012 was that it’s a whole lot easier to win with Tea Party support. Just ask Goof Doofus’ replacement Thomas Massie and other candidates around the state. Kentucky’s Fourth Congressional District Chairman Kevin “Give ‘Em Hell” Sell totally agrees.
- FECKLESS FISHWRAPPERS: That Cabal of NoKY Attorneys Still Out to Destroy Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club) wonders if Perry KimBall’s story about Geoffrey Damon, the attorney accused of stealing $61,554 from his former law firm (Butkovich & Crosthwaite) purposely omitted the name of another one of Damon’s employers, just because that employer may have filed a frivolous SLAPP lawsuit against Skaggie Maggie, Wedgie Washburn, Jim Hannah, and Terry DeMio at The Fishwrap?
- AT THIS WEEK’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA: Political Insiders were asking Charles Foster Kane what happens if House Republicans fire John Boehner as Speaker of the House. “I sure hope they’ve figured out who his replacement would be,” our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher explained.
- AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
Monday will be New Year’s Eve Day, so we don’t imagine employers will be getting much productivity that day.
Tuesday we’ll publish Real E-Mails on New Year’s Day.
Wednesday, our Snitches should be just about sobered up by then.
Thursday is the day the New Congress is sworn in and we’ll see if John Boehner gets to keep his job as Speaker of the House.
And the first line of Friday’s limerick is: “The biggest story we found last year.”
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.