Monday, December 10, 2012
Yes, Virginia… Obama Really is Santa Claus
I am eight years old. Some of my little friends say “Obama is not really Santa Claus.” Papa says, “If you see it in The Blower, it is so.” Please tell me the truth; is Obama really Santa Claus? —Virginia O’Hanlon
Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except what they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible to their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole truth and knowledge.
Yes, Virginia, Obama is Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if Obama were not Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.
Not believe Obama is Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Obama as Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Obama as Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.
You tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.
Obsessive Obama Supporters like Tom and Rose can show their true devotion to our Obamessiah by purchasing yet another Obama Christmas ornament for only $8.99 each plus God-only-knows-how-much for shipping-and-handling, as our loyal Obama Supporters in the Press continue to promise our gullible followers “1,461 Days of Christmas” during Obama’s second term.
Now We Have The Twelve PC Days of Christmas
brought to you by the Ohio Political Correctness Commission and your Kneepad Liberals In the Press
- TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
- ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),
- TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
- NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
- EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,
- SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,
- SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,
- FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,
(NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint on our computers, the calling birds, French hens, and partridges have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)
- FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,
- THREE Homeless Winos,
- TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses, and…
- ONE Lesbian, Hispanic, African-American, or Arab-American Spotted Owl Activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
And If You Think That’s Silly or Just Plain Stupid…
…just wait till you hear what happened to the song “Winter Wonderland” and why it had to become even more politically correct. Have you heard some of the new versions of it? Remember this part: “In the meadow we can build a snowman, and pretend that he is Parson Brown, he’ll say ‘are you married?’, we’ll say ‘no man, but you can do the job when you’re in town…’ “
Well, they’ve changed it to “In the meadow we can build a snowman, and pretend that he’s a CIRCUS CLOWN. We’ll have lots of fun with Mr. Snowman until the alligators knock him down.” What in the wide, wide world of political correctness is that all about? Since when is the concept of getting married and meeting (gasp) a Parson such a terrible politically incorrect thing? These PC fanatics are truly insane.
And If That Isn’t Enough…
This photo taken in a home-improvement store shows a banner displayed this weekend. In English, the sign reads: “Now Here! Fresh Cut Holiday Trees.” But in Spanish, the sign reads: Now Here! Fresh Cut Christmas Trees.” It’s okay to offend all the English-speaking Christians, but no, not the Spanish speakers. They may just be here illegally. By the way, the store only had “Christmas tree stands” for their fresh cut ‘Holiday’ trees.
NOTE: CNS News reports in Rhode Island, PC-Obsessed Governor Lincoln Chafee said he’s just continuing past practices in calling the Christmas tree in the Statehouse a “holiday tree.”
Now Here’s Your Official Politically Correct Season’s Greeting
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Ramadan, Good Kwanzaa. Blessed Wiccan Sabbat of Yule, Kiss My Ass, Happy Holidays! (unless prohibited by law).
But if you’re suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD), you may substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with our suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day.
Now Let’s Go Through This One More Time…
It’s NOT a Hanukkah bush,
It’s NOT an Allah plant,
It’s NOT a Holiday hedge.
It’s a Christmas tree.
Say it… CHRISTmas, CHRISTmas, CHRISTmas!
Remember CHRISTmas? It’s on all the calendars. Hurley the Historian says he thinks it’s the date we celebrate the birth of some Jewish child by the name of Jesus Christ!
But Tonight is Also the Third Night of Hanukkah
The first two nights were important celebrations of this warm Jewish holiday, but as the eight nights progress, the festivities become quieter and more intimate. Jews celebrate Hanukkah on the third night with their immediate families and their children’s grandparents, and keep the focus on the traditions associated with this Festival of Lights. If you haven’t already done so, send your Jewish friends an appropriate Hanukkah card today.