Daily Archives: December 4, 2012

Special “Taxmageddon Update” E-dition

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

  • Friday will be the 71st Anniversary of the Japanese sneak attack on Pearl Harbor, or as the Obama Administration likes to call it: “The Asian Spring.” —Hurley the Historian
  • Just like in 1941, it’s getting colder today, so look for a little nip in the air. —TV 9 Weather Buffoon Larry Handjob
  • We’re teaching our students who’ve not yet dropped out, that December 7 is “The Day That Will Live in Infirmity.” —Failed Cincinnati Public $chool$
  • We chose that immortal line from “Animal House” when John Belushi asked, “Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell, no!” —Your Quote for Today Committe
  • To show my diversity, every year on December 7, I always attack Pearl Schwartz. —The Anti-Semitic Samurai
  • And these days in Hawaii, we’re all waiting for the Obamas to arrive for their 20-Day, $4 Million over-taxed payer funded vacation later this month so Obama can be here on the day America is scheduled to go over that Fiscal Cliff. —Birthers Who Still Haven’t Given Up
  • And can you imagine if the Pearl Harbor attack happened today? We can, and our reaction would be something like this. —Obama Supporters in the Press
  • What better way for our dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct uninformed short-attention-span 2012 voters to demonstrate their fanatical fervor than to purchase another Obama Christmas ornament this year. We all know Obama is Jesus Christ and the Savior of the DemocRAT Party. That’s why this limited edition “Last Supper” ornament is so spiritually uplifting. —The Obama 2016 Third-Term Re-election Campaign
  • Just think— only 100% of tax filers taxes will go up when American goes over the Fiscal Cliff on January 1, 2013. —Taxmageddon Count-downers
  • Liberals keep hammering me so hard about my “No New Taxes Pledge” these days, you’d think I wanted to run for president in 2016. —Grover Norquist at Americans for Tax Reform
  • Michael Moore told Glenn Beck “Urine Big Trouble” over the Obama Pee Pee Gig. Glenn Beck told Michael “Urethra in or You’re Out.” —Photo Shop Editorial Spoofer Edward Cropper
  • Are you sure Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and all of the Political Insiders at the Conservative Agenda didn’t get an invitation to Mean Jean’s Christmas Party sponsored by LaRosa’s? —“Junketing Jean” Schmidt’s News Flack Barrett Brunsman
  • Now let’s all sing the Second Day of “That Corrupt Evicted Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Tax-and-Spend RINO Bitch-in-a-Ditch Mean Jean Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas,” sent in by TL-DCELPMOB-A-P-FT&SW-PRB-in-a-D’s Eviler Twin Sister Jennifer Black, after “Mean Jean” was again featured on MTV’s “Awesomely Bad Celebrity Fashions.” It goes something like this:

“On the Second Day of Christmas, ‘Mean Jean’ gave to me,
Two Red Dresses,
And one old Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.”

  • Hey, everybody: a new shipment of Chabotheads has just arrived. —K-Mart
  • Saturday night, I’m scheduled to turn on the Amish Christmas Tree Lights in Adams County. —Ohio’s Second District Congressman-elect “Bronze Star Brad Wenstrup
  • My favorite Christmas Carol is “Oh Come All Ye Faithful.” —Disgraced Anderson Dis-Trustee Kevin O’Brien, whose trial for masturbating in a well-borne woman’s car has been continued until early January
  • At Anderson High School’s Class of 56’s Reunion dinner at Outback on Sunday night, classmates who most enjoyed the sirloin steak were the ones with their own teeth. —Survivors of the Class of ‘56
  • At least in that new “Snowball Fight Video,” where The Whistleblower and Newt teamed up against us local RINOs, they forgot to color my face “Blue.” —Alex T., Mall Cop GOP
  • I can’t wait to raise Hamilton County’s Sales Tax to give more money to Mike Brown, the Reds, and Cincinnati Public Schools, the that order! —Odd Todd Opportune
  • Me too!! —Greg “Tax Hike” Hartmann
  • We’re very happy to see that Hartmann and Odd Todd will raise our taxes next year for the stadiums. It helps us get over the pain of SMLP Christopher Smithermouth’s re-election as NAALCP President.” —Republicans for Higher Taxes
  • Just because Standard and Poor’s “negative outlook” said Cincinnati’s finances were unbalanced, does that mean we are too? —Our Nine Fine Clowns on Clown-cil
  • The Fishwrap had this big story about schooling for card dealers at Cincinnati’s new Horseshoe Casino, but they forgot to mention where we’re supposed to be getting our training. —Cincinnati Card Cheats
  • Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, it’s your liberal guilt giving throughout the year that makes it all possible. —The Seediest Kids of All
  • We don’t think we get nearly enough credit. —United Appall People
  • With so few Blacks and Jews in Northern Kentucky, it will be hard trying to decide which minor holiday to ignore in December. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
  • It’s hard to believe it was only a year ago that I started promoting the story about that Bungals Cheerleader who won that worthless $11 million lawsuit quitting her Dixie Heights High School job, which a certain Litigious Loudmouth Lawyer in Northern Kentucky was promoting. —WLW Hate Radio Bill Cunningham’s Producer
  • Floozies like that are giving Northern Kentucky trollops a bad name. —Jeni Lee Dinkel
  • And nobody doesn’t like Jeni Lee! —Lucky Northern Kentucky High School Boys
  • Will we be once again combining our Christmas Parties at Sidebar in Covington with our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders this year? —The Whistleblower NoKY Legal Dream Team and the Cabal to Destroy “Crazy Eric Deters (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club)
  • Our eight-day holiday won’t even be starting until December 8. —Hanukkah Harry
  • And don’t forget there are only 21 mo’ shopliftin’ days till Kwanzaa! —Kwanzaa Klaus
  • This year we have a special authentic Christmas display with Jesus riding a dinosaur. —Answers in Genesis
  • Forget about the gift exchange at the company Christmas Party. No gift exchange is allowed since union members feel $10 is too much money for any gift, and executives believe $10 won’t even buy a crappy little gift. So… NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. —Patty Lewis, Human Resource Director
  • During the holiday season, our Covington Bimbo Chorale will be singing, “Oh. Come, All Ye Unfaithful.” —Phyllis on Madison
  • On the night before Christmas, and all through the town, not a sign of Baby Jesus, should ever be found. —The Northern Kentucky ACLU
  • This year for Christmas, we’re not even giving all our Boondoggle County employees a lump of coal. —Judge Defective Once Moore
  • You can’t believe all the jumbo shrimp I’ve ordered for my big Christmas Party. —Clueless Marc Wilson
  • When is Governor Steve sending out his “Holiday” cards? —The American Family Association
  • During the holiday season, it’s important to spend time with your family. The least they could’ve done is put us all us Erpenbecks in the same jail. —Bill and Tony Erpenbeck
  • My favorite Christmas tradition involves reindeer meat. —Billy Bob Carbine
  • Don’t forget. You don’t have to be Druish to celebrate the Winter Solstice on December 21. —Dave the Druid
  • And when they are celebrating World Orgasm for Peace Day in 2011, can we still have our Fake Orgasms? —Uptight Bitches in Ft. Mitchell
  • Men never fake orgasms, because no man wants to make a face like that without the reward. —Husbands of Uptight Bitches in Ft. Mitchell
  • Do you think Orgasm Day would be a good day to give another party? —Miss Vicki
  • Not every Winter Solstice celebration involves a barnyard animal. —Gex “Rhymes With Sex” Williams
  • Which holiday do they observe for the Summer Solstice? —Trish the Dish
  • Sheree Paolello always liked it when we used to say “orgasms” on the air. —Jack Atherton (Channel 22.45 in Dayton in case you’re having trouble finding me)

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer—

Sometimes The Blower makes fun of made-up holidays to show that PC Fanatics will not be tolerated in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a multi-cultural metro-sexual.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental — especially Dave the Druid.

WORLD ORGASMS FOR PEACE HOT LINE

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When Harry Met Sally – Restaurant Orgasm Scene

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