Official “Election Day Debacle” E-dition

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

  • Now that the campaign is finally over, can we stop un-reporting how much larger and more enthusiastic Romney’s rallies have been during the 2012 campaign? —Obama Supporters in the Press
  • Could we please have a short Election Day Extension? We still haven’t made up our minds. Dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct uninformed short-attention-span uninformed and undecided voters
  • Wait a minute. The campaign’s not over yet. I’ll be back in Ohio to work at the polls on Election Day. —Mitt Romney
  • With all the polls so close, maybe the only poll that really counts is the one on Election Day when real people vote. —Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen
  • Please don’t ask how many billions of over-taxed payers’ dollars were borrowed from China so Obama could fly around the country on Air Force One fund-raising and campaigning during the past four years. —General Accounting Office
  • Nobody cares if we’re performing way worse this time than we did after Hurricane Katrina. —Obama’s FEMA Fumblers
  • If we lived in swing states, do you think Obama would be ignoring us and already counting out votes while he campaigns with celebrities? —Victims on Super Storm Sandy in Blue States
  • With Obama so busy campaigning, wouldn’t this be a good time to blow up another embassy or two? —Al Qaeda on The Run
  • Obama told me Sunday night’s crowd in Cincinnati was even bigger than the 27,000 that filled Nippert Stadium in 2008. —Stevie Wonder
  • Did you see the survey that said only half the black preachers use their pulpits to campaign illegally for Obama? —Pew Research
  • That’s why we instructed every one of our parish priests to put the word out for Romney. —Catholic Bishops
  • The press mentioned those two abortion protestors who got thrown out of Obama’s rally, but one how about that Obama Supporter in the Press who gave a “thumbs down” while driving past all those people with signs supporting Americans who’d died in the Benghazi attacks? —Tea Party Patriots

  • Local Obama Supporters in the Press also missed our “OBAMA-TELL THE TRUTH ON LIBYA” sign over Paul Brown Stadium Sunday afternoon which got more cheers than the Bungals. —Truth Troops Flyover

  • Is America a great country or what? More than $3 billion was spent on false and misleading ads during dirtiest campaign in history.—Greedy TV Ad Salesmen
  • How much was spent by outside interests on our U.S. Senate campaign? —Sherrod Brown and Josh Mandel
  • What do you think our chances are of taking over control of the House? —Totally Deranged DemocRAT Leader Nancy Pelosi
  • So what if 500 retired generals and admirals ran a full-page ad in Monday’s editions of The Washington Times calling on the country to elect Republican Mitt Romney on Tuesday? —Colin Powell (Whose All Time Favorite General Was Benedict Arnold)
  • Please don’t ask why 21 newspapers across the country switched their support from Obama in 2008 to Romney in 2012. —Publishers Not Being Fooled Twice
  • How many newspapers are supporting our Issue 2? —Ohio DemocRAT Redistricting Amenders
  • Why did all those Obamabots stand on line in the cold and rain for early voting? Obama told them it would be more convenient. —“Ripley’s Believe It Or Not”
  • Anybody who votes for Mitt Romney must be a racist. —Race Card Players for Obama
  • We just got an e-mail from the Obama campaign urging us to commit rampant voter fraud today. —Obsessive Obama Supporters Tom and Rose
  • We didn’t know it was wrong to pressure non citizens to vote. Besides, sometimes we were just driving them to the polls and giving them free ice cream. —Union Goons for Obama
  • Here’s some good news for Obama. In his ancestral village in Kenya, 105-year-old witch doctor John Dimo tossed some shells, bones, and other items to determine who would win today’s election. Dimo then pointed to a white shell and declared: “Obama is very far ahead and is definitely going to win.” —Dissociated Press in Africa
  • Yes, but we got our asses kicked Sunday, so that means the incumbent loses. —Washington Redskins, According to the “Redskins Rule”
  • President Obama had his annual physical. Doctors say he’s in excellent health, except his blood pressure. It’s 70 over 16 trillion. —Jay Leno
  • Please don’t say I’m not doing everything possible to support local Republican candidates in 2012. Didn’t I finally e-mail all those early voters a sample ballot? —Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP
  • Just as The Blower predicted, we endorsed rewarding Cincinnati’s City Clown-cil with four year terms for supporting our Girly Man Mayor’s Trolley Folly Boondoggle, voting to piss away all that money on the streetcar to nowhere. —Skaggie Maggie’s Idiotorial Board
  • Did anybody really hear me say I’d retire if Obama’s elected? —WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Bill Cunningham
  • If you don’t vote, you’re leaving the decision to somebody even dumber than you are. Jesse “The Body” Ventura
  • Remember what we always say: “A vote for the lesser of two evils is still a vote for evil. Loony Libertarians
  • If Obama supporters are so sure of winning, where will the big Obama Victory Party be held tonight?
  • On this date in 1861, Kentuckian Jefferson Davis was elected president of the Confederate States of America. But Davis ran without opposition, and the “election” simply confirmed the decision that had been made by the Confederate Congress earlier in the year. —Hurley the Historian
  • That’s why we chose Jefferson Davis’ “I worked night and day for twelve years to prevent the war, but I could not. The North was mad and blind, would not let us govern ourselves, and so the war came.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
  • Please forget all those nasty things I said during the primary about Republican Candidate Thomas Massie who’s campaigning for my seat in Congress. —Goof Doofus
  • Are you sure we shouldn’t call today “Electile Dysfunction Day?” —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
  • Hey, Everybody… Trish the Dish wants to know if they’re actually holding elections in Kentucky today. —TV 19 News
  • You can’t fool me. November has an “R” in it, right? —TV 5’s Sheree Paolello

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Sometimes The Blower makes fun of Newspaper Idiotorials to show that interchanging endorsements and news coverage is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a totally discredited publication.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Feckless Fishwrappers.


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