MONDAY, OCTOBER 22, 2012
2012: Year of the Debates
- Three weeks ago in our Special “Presidential Debate Forecast” E-dition, The Blower must have succumbed to Conventional Wisdom when we predicted you’d probably be right if you thought the First Presidential Debate on October 3 would be a total waste of time, since Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen had said recent history showed debates having only a modest impact on the outcomes of Presidential Elections. We even published a top ten list telling you “Why Those Televised Presidential Debates Don’t Mean Crap.”
- But we were wrong. The 2012 presidential debates really mattered, maybe because they made it easy for candidates to embarrass themselves and we now have a new way to judge the winners. Now you not only have to win the debate, but you also have to win the post-debate as well, because the spinning doesn’t stop until the next big news event comes along.
- Political analysts tell The Blower that the 2012 may no longer depend solely on the bad economy; Obama’s “disastrous foreign policy” will be the subject of Monday’s climatic final debate, because Obama’s lies and distortions about Benghazi-gate continue to boggle the mind. (Four Americans died, Obama lied, Romney replied, Hillary got fried, and the Liberal Press complied. Now you decide.)
Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1962, President John F. Kennedy announced in a televised speech that U.S. spy planes had discovered Soviet missile bases in Cuba. If that happened today, we’re not sure which dictator our Peace Prize President would be going after next, or which country he’d be withdrawing troops from by the end of the week.
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose JFK’s “Domestic policy can only defeat us; foreign policy can kill us.”
- But Wait a Minute: maybe 2012 should be called the Year of the Biased Moderator— PBS’s Jim Lehrer, ABC’s Martha Raddatz, CNN’s Candy Crowley, and CBS’ Bob Schieffer —Obama Supporters All. Can anyone imagine why Republicans agreed to allow that Feckless Foursome to run interference for Obama during the debates? That really boggles the mind.
- According to Photo Shop Spoofer Edward Cropper, Bob Schieffer says he is not looking for total approval when moderating tonight’s Presidential Debate. Schieffer says the only person to get 100% of the vote was Saddam Hussein and look what happened to him.
- And tonight everybody will be waiting to see which word or phrase will be traversing the Twitterverse half way through Monday night’s debate, replacing “Big Bird” and Binders for Women” as Obama’s latest silly campaign gimmick.
- One thing’s for sure— Monday Night’s final presidential debate will surely be the subject for much levity. Just look at how Saturday night Live ridiculed last week’s Second Presidential Debate, mocking both Obama and Romney for their overly aggressive attitude towards each other, the stereotypically Italian and Jewish Long Islanders who asked questions, and the fact-checking moderator Candy Crowley.
And our friends in Taiwan at Next Media Animation show us how “Obama bounced back in town hall forum.”
But making fun of all those dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct, uninformed and still undecided voters who should not be allowed to vote is nothing new. “Family Guy” ridiculed “Undecided Voters” in 2008, and it still looks a lot like what you see today.
So with only “14” more days until the 2012 Presidential Election and dare we hope, only “90” more days until Obama’s last day in office, maybe that’s why The Whistleblower rounded up some of our usual suspects for a focus group so we could ask these local people who still claim they had not made up their minds what they what they really thought about the upcoming elections.
- Mama Maruska, Retired: How is anybody supposed to know which candidate to vote for until the Morning Fishwrap publishes its political endorsements?
- Porky Dorkman, Student: My teacher (who belongs to an exempted union) says all Republicans are mean people who hate children, and if I don’t tell my parents to vote for Obama, one dark night the sheriff will send his thugs to arrest me.
- Marlene Mandible, Totally Unemployed: I’m still waiting for a tingle to run up my leg whenever I hear Obama speak, just like Chris Matthews on PMSNBC.
- Earl Pitts, Taxidermist: Because Rob Portman wasn’t chosen as Romney’s running mate, I’m voting for Libertarian Gary “The Spoiler” Johnson, if he’s still on the ballot.
- Suzie Soccermom, Tea Party Princess: I’m just wish Sarah Palin were on the ticket again.
- Leroy Williams, Pimp: The president of the local NAALCP and Cincinnati’s Colored Mayor both support Obama. Besides, Obama’s black, and that’s good enough for me.
- Norma Rashid, Former TV Anchorwoman: If Republican in Congress would only forget about repealing the ObamaTax, I could just sit home alone waiting for you-know-who to call, except every time the phone rings it’s just another recorded message from Michelle telling me not to forget to send in another $3 for a chance to meet her and Obama at the Obama Victory Party.
- CH Snitch, 1000 Main Street: This weekend, the Hamilton County RINO Party says all party hacks are gladly volunteering to walk door-to-door campaigning for Mitt Romney, Josh Mandel, Steve Chabothead, and “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup, because that’s the only way Republicans will be able to win the presidency and both Houses of Congress in November.
- Linda Libel, Gossip Columnist: If The Blower would only forget about covering the political debates, maybe they could find more space to publish my salacious scandals and coverage of the trial of that disgraced Anderson Township Trustee for masturbating in a Wellborn woman’s car after she gave him a ride home from a party. That man doesn’t even go to trial for more than a month.
- Bunky Tadwell, The Bard of Cleves: How’s this for my poem today?
Obama and his Chicago thugs,
Have shredded the Constitution.
Now our for of government
Is political prostitution.
- Jack Mehoff, Sperm Donor: I’m waiting to see how much I’ll be paid for my daily donations when ObamaCare takes effect.
- Emily Frump, Feminist: I’m still hoping to see if Hillary replaces Joe Biden on the ticket.
- Reverum Calhoun, Minister: Who cares how many white pastors defied the IRS on Pulpit Freedom Sunday when they preached politics from their platforms. I’m just waiting for Dishonest DemocRATS to pay me to tell my congregation to vote for Obama. Besides, Obama’s half black, and that’s good enough for me.
- Seedy Diehl, Northern Kentucky Homeless Guy: Now that everybody’s forgotten about Obama’s Historic “Bridge Too Far” Campaign Speech in Cincinnati that won’t result in any new bridges being built because money for the Brent Spence Bridge wasn’t even included in the Federal Budget, is it all right if I return to my refrigerator box at the hobo camp and let all you over-taxed payers pay my Medicare expenses under the ObamaTax provisions.
- Rashid Jones, Streetcorner Pharmacist: I can’t believe Martin Luther King, Jr. was really a Republican. Besides, Obama’s black, and that’s good enough for me.
- Tea Party Tim: We’re telling everybody to vote early so they can volunteer to work all day at the polls on Election Day.
- Lance Loveguard, Sodomy Rites Activist: Obama and the DemocRATS support same-sex marriage, but those Libertarians think “Gay is OK” too.
- Sid Schlock, Slumlord: If Republicans in Congress would only forget about their “Path to Prosperity,” some of those deadbeats on welfare who live in my run-down property in Avondale might even be able to afford to pay when I raise their rent.
- Ken CamBoo, Journalist: So far I haven’t seen nearly enough of Obama’s negative attack ads on TV to help me make up my mind.
- Ed Norton, Sewer Worker: I’m not really “undecided.” I just said it so you’d interview me, just like I do whenever a pollster calls on the telephone.