Sunday, September 9, 2012
The Blower’s Week in Review
OUR NUMBER ONE DNC CONVENTION STORY THIS WEEK (ACCORDING TO THE ONION) was with the savage roar of the heathen DemocRAT horde rising all around him, Obama delivered an incendiary speech to close his party’s national convention Thursday night, commanding the ultraprogressive minions in attendance to help him “destroy Jesus and usher in a new age of liberal darkness that shall reign o’er the earth for a thousand years.”
The thunderous 45-minute address—during which the president argued for a second term so that he could “finally kill Jesus once and for all, as well as all those who worship him”—was well received by the frenzied, wild-eyed audience, whose piercing chants of “Four more years!” and “Slaughter the believers!” echoed throughout the Time Warner Cable Arena.
OUR NUMBER TWO DNC CONVENTION STORY THIS WEEK (ACCORDING TO THE ONION) was Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan snuck into the DNC posing as caterers.- AND OUR NUMBER THREE STORY DNC CONVENTION STORY THIS WEEK (ACCORDING TO THE ONION) was when Disgraced Formed Pants-Dropper-in-Chief Bill Clinton finally just unzipped his fly and showed the entire country his penis. Sources at the convention told reporters that shortly after stepping onstage at the Time Warner Cable Arena, the 42nd president of the United States quieted the audience’s extended standing ovation with his raised hands and began to speak loudly and confidently.
“My fellow Americans, for the past 20 years you have all, at various points, talked and thought about my penis, or at least heard direct or indirect references to my penis in news reports, in court records, or in the culture at large,” the former commander in chief said. “My penis has, in a sense, been a central part of American life for the better part of two decades. And yet, the nation has never seen it. Tonight, I’d like to finally change that.”
Clinton then slowly unzipped his fly, gingerly reached inside his pants, and retrieved his flaccid penis, which he proceeded to let hang out in the open in clear view.
“There’s my penis,” the nation’s former chief executive said on live television. “There he is.”
After a full five minutes of standing silently with his penis in full view as cameras flashed all around him, the president carefully tucked his penis back into his pants, zipped up his fly, smiled, told the audience, “Thank you, God bless you, and God bless America,” and walked off stage.
MONDAY in our Annual “Union Daze” E-dition, The Blower reported Union Day marks the traditional beginning of the fall negative political campaign season, and brought you the top ten blessings brought to you by organized labor:
10. A three-day Union Day weekend not featuring either of Obama’s or Biden’s over-taxed payer funded campaign visits to Coney Island to explain Obama’s latest jobs strategy to put more people out of work along with more pro-union regulations.
9. Schools that just can’t suck enough
8. Advances in reconstructive kneecap surgery
7. Lying ads to smear Republicans
6. Union labels
5. Part-time workers trying to make SUV payments on $55-a- week strike pay
4. Aiding Devious DemocRATS with more election fraud again in 2012
3. Coffee breaks
2. Crooked Union Bosses
…And the number one blessing brought to you by organized labor is: plenty of volunteers to write hate mail letters and tear down Conservative candidates’ yard signs.
[READ MORE HERE]
TUESDAY in our Special “Charlotte’s Web” E-dition, The Blower remembered when Will Rogers said “I am not a member of any organized political party. I’m a DemocRAT!” and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” included:
We were pleased to provide credentials to The Whistleblower Newswire to cover this week’s DemocRAT National Convention in Denver. The way The Blower always beats up on Recovering RINOs, Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus will be welcome in our Spin Room. —DemocRAT National Committee
Does that mean The Blower will be joining us in our never-ending efforts to get Obama re-elected? —Obama Supporters in the Press
Does that mean The Blower won’t be calling me an incompetent gaffe machine with hair plugs? —Bombastic Joe Biden
Does that mean The Blower won’t be mentioning how the DemocRAT National Convention in Charlotte will be a far cry from the enthusiasm you saw in 2008? —The Obama Campaign
Does that mean The Blower won’t be reporting the number of Americans who consider themselves Republicans just hit a record high? —Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen
[READ MORE HERE]
WEDNESDAY in our Special “Sweet Sixteen” E-dition, The Blower said, “Woo-Hoo, America! We’re $16 Trillion in Debt!” and we provided more un-convential coverage:
Monday’s “National Empty Chair Day” celebrating Clint Eastwood’s speech at the Republican National Convention was a tremendous success. People all over the country took part. We even have a few more pictures.
Speaking of artwork, one person who probably won’t be too terribly welcome at the DemocRAT National Convention would be artist Jon McNaughton, whose work was on display in Tampa last week during the Republication Nation Convention. His latest is “Obamanation (One Painting That Says It All)” [Check out his interactive illustration here.]
Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1975 Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme, a follower of incarcerated Cincinnati-born cult leader Charles Manson, unsuccessfully attempted to kill President Gerald Ford. But don’t worry, unlike Susan Atkins, another Manson follower who died in jail where she belonged, “Squeaky” was released from jail in August 2009 and looks forward to attending the DemocRAT National Committee’s freak show in Charlotte.
At the City Hall Circus, everybody’s hoping Clowncilman Chris Squealback doesn’t get himself assaulted outside a gay bar during the DemocRAT National Convention, like he did in Over-the Rhone last month. Whistleblower Alternate Life-style Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis says you should always find out if a guy is gay before you grab his ass. And Squealer should remember to get a gay bar map, so he knows where he is when he calls 911.
Last week, an e-mail from Jane Portman, Frances Lindner, Margaret Lafley, and Nancy Donovan was promoting tonight’s intimate dinner with Ann Romney at the home of Frances and Craig Lindner at 7725 Buckingham Road in Indian Hill. The General Reception only costs $1,000 to attend. The VIP Reception (with photo opportunity) is a mere $2,500. But if you have to ask how much it costs to attend the so-called Private Dinner with Ann Romney, you really can’t afford it.
[READ MORE HERE]
THURSDAY, in our Special “Conventional Cancellation” E-dition, The Blower reported more DemocRAT Downsizing and asked, “Where’s the Messiah when we could really use one?”
CHARLOTTE: Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus said officials here at the DemocRAT National Convention changed the venue of Obama’s big speech tonight. It will not be held at the 74,000-seat Bank of America Stadium. Instead, it’ll be coming from inside the Warner Cable Arena, Obama will be expected to speak to fewer than 15,000 people, or as the Liberal Mainstream Media would say, “over 24,000.” Team Obama is hoping all those dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct, uninformed short-attention-span viewers don’t notice the difference. White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard claims the location was changed because of concerns for the weather, and absolutely not because anybody was afraid showing rows of empty seats on TV during Obama’s big speech would be disastrous, by contrasting his campaign of hope and change in 2008 with his demoralized defensive struggle for re-election in then only “60” more days.
[READ MORE HERE]
FRIDAY in our Special “DemocRATS in Disarray” E-dition, The Blower said, “For Republicans, it’s been even better than their own convention!”:
CHARLOTTE: Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says with then only “59” more days until the 2012 Elections, everybody who was still in town waiting for Obama’s down-sized speech that was moved indoors just in case God is real, couldn’t stop talking about Wednesday night, when Disgraced Former Pants-Dropper-in-Chief personified the cultural values of the today’s Disingenuous DemocRATS and sounded more like a campaign speech for a third Clinton term than an endorsement of Obama.
The reason Slick Willie gave the speech was obvious: If Obama wins, Slick gets the credit for having made that victory. And if Obama loses, The Clinton Team is well positioned for 2016. At least the Obama campaign waited until Slick’s speech was over before spamming an “absolutely urgent” e-mail message supposedly personally signed by Bill Clinton, groveling for yet another $5 donation again.
Even Clinton seemed bored. No wonder the speech was hidden from journalists beforehand.
[READ MORE HERE]
SATURDAY in our Special “Conventional Analysis” E-dition, The Blower Brainless Biden’s Banishment to Bumfuk:
Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus said last weekend after the successful Republican National Convention in Tampa, Mitt Romney headed straight to Cincinnati, where an overflow audience at Union Terminal chanted “Mitt, Mitt, Mitt!” on National TV.
This weekend, following the Disastrous DemocRAT National Convention in Charlotte, Joe Biden was also heading to the Tri-state. Did DemocRATS book 42,319-seat Great American Ballpark for this momentous meeting? 65,535-seat Paul Brown Stadium was also available. So was UC’s 35,097-seat Nippert Stadium.
Instead, more in keeping with lowering expectations for the Presidential Elections in then only “58” more days, Downsizing DemocRATS will be trying to find enough Clermont County DemocRATS on a Sunday night to fill the cavernous MILFord High School gym, which we’re told can hold up to 500 people, following other weekend Ohio stops in Zanesville, Athens, Portsmouth, and Palookaville.
Our Facebook Friends at the Clermont Tea Party wonder if Biden will be here to promote the MILFord School levy appearing on this November’s ballot? DemocRATS say, “Paying more in taxes is patriotic, you know.”
[READ MORE HERE]
THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL
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SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
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PRESIDENTIAL POLITICS 2012: The Obama Re-election campaign was downsized even further this weekend, when Brainless Biden’s Banishment to Bumfuk was scheduled to arrive late Sunday afternoon in MILF-ord to speak to every Disavowed DemocRAT in Clermont County at the 300-seat Milford High School Cafeteria. This underwhelming event had been planned for the MILF-ord High School gym, which could hold up to 500 people, but DemocRAT County DemocRAT Party Boss Dave Lane was afraid Channel 19 would be showing all those empty seats, even if every DemocRAT in Clermont County showed up. Miami Township officials were also upset to hear over-taxed payers wouldn’t be reimbursed for all that Sunday police overtime, especially for coverage along Biden’s parade route on the Matt Maupin Yellow Ribbon Highway between Lunken Airport and MILF-ord.- OHIO RINO PARTY: Party Boss Boob Bennett says, “The August unemployment numbers were really crappy. Ohio is a model for the rest of the country to follow because under Governor John Kasich’s leadership, Ohioans have created over 122,000 jobs and counting despite fierce opposition from Washington. The American people will hold President Obama accountable for his record of unmet goals and unfulfilled promises.”
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says the August Jobs Report would probably wipe out Obama’s Convention Bounce, whatever the hell that means.- OUR LATE NIGHT JOKEWATCHER liked Jay Leno’s “Obama’s speech was moved from the Bank of America Stadium to the Time Warner Cable Arena. They had to move out of the big venue into a smaller place. Like a lot of homeowners in the past four years. In a related story, Vice President Joe Biden’s speech also was also moved to a smaller venue — the back room at Denny’s, the booth in the corner.”
- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says this is a big date in history for Looney Liberals. In 1940 John Lennon was born and in 1967 Che Guevara was gunned down, and Hurley wonders if Jane Fonda still regrets not having sex with the mad dog. Curiously, none of these people were on stage at the DNC Convention.
- OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE: Given the current state of the 2012 Presidential Election, the Committee chose Bush 41’s “It’s no exaggeration to say the undecideds could go one way or another.”
SLUTS FOR OBAMA: Of all those embarrassing hags and fags at the DNC Convention, the most ridiculous were those “Sluts for Obama.” Shown here are a couple of Cincinnati sluts at a bar in Charlotte showing how many guys they were willing to take on Thursday night.- VOTER FRAUD UPDATE: A Mississippi NAACP executive is in jail after being convicted of voter fraud for fraudulently casting absentee ballots, including for four dead people.
- THUGS ‘R US: Teamsters President James P. Hoffa claims “GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney wants to annihilate organized labor as we know it,” As if that would be a bad thing.
- MEDIA MENDACITY: Reporters at the DNC Convention were using fake names to buy Obama merchandise and donate to the DNC.
- LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #256 is to Define Multiculturalism as the state-sanctioned grievance industry that stokes division and resentment, while always under the delusion that it is doing something positive called “celebrating diversity.”
- DERANGED DEMOCRATS: Obama Condoms Spokesbabe Sandra Fluke claims “Rape Survivors Will Be Victimized All Over Again” if the GOP wins.
- REPUBLICANS FOR HIGHER TAXES: wrote a passionate Labor Day tribute to union leaders, calling them the true entrepreneurs of our economy. Blower readers might recognize the video.
MORE FECKLESS FISHWRAPPERY: Early reviews of Obama’s speech were not encouraging. Lovely Peggy Noonan said it was “Stale and empty… he’s out of juice.” The Daily Beast called Obama “Pedestrian and overconfident.” And from the right, Charles Krauthammer called Obama’s speech “One of the emptiest I’ve ever heard.” Still Obama Supporters in the Press thought Obama’s speech was “epic,” and our Feckless Fishwrappers’ front-page headline read: “Obama promises energetic economy.” No kidding! See, we told you bullshit would become the coin of the realm.- RACIAL HEALING UPDATE: Jesse Jackson plays the Race Card again at the DNC Convention, saying Romney has zero percent interest In Black People, much like the total lack of respect The Blower has for professional race hustlers like Jesse Jackson.
- LEGAL BRIEFS: Chairman of the Whistleblower Legal DreamTeam Scott Greenwood, who also serves as general counsel to the ACLU, says he will gladly provide that 92-year-old Verona man who shot the intruder another rifle so he can continue to exercise his individually held Second Amendment right to defend himself in his own home.
- SPOILED SPORTS OF ALL SORTS: Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says after Joey Votto returned to the lineup and the Reds lost two games in a row.
THE CINCINNATI MESS (You’ll only read about in The Blower): Troublemaking Tester Tino Delgato says Cincinnati Police Chief Craig must now take the Ohio test. This has gone on way too long. The Cincinnati City Manager and Mayor should have known the pre-requisites for this job. While Craig might be a good hire, his reluctance to take the required tests is suspicious. He needs to either take the test or move back to the West Coast where his wife lives. He makes a great TV commercial for the University of Phoenix but fails to mention his fear of tests. Go Figure!!!- IN ANDERSON: An Anderson Township attorney was recently selected by his peers for inclusion in The Best Lawyers in America® 2013. Amazingly, it was not Mercenary COAST Attorney Chris Finney. Meanwhile, Disgraced Anderson Trustee Kevin O’Brien was recently selected by his peers for inclusion in The Best Masturbators in America.
- TEA PARTY VALUES: Jerry Springer likened the Tea Party to dictators and Osama bin Laden, But they still aren’t kooky enough to be invited on his TV show.
- CLERMONT CRONIES: Everybody’s wondering why TV 5 sent a news crew to the Romney Victory Center in Eastgate at noon on Saturday. Were they finally working on a story about grassroots activism and its impact on the November election? Meanwhile at the Obama Call Center in New Richmond, because there are so few DemocRATS in Clermont County, volunteer imported from Hamilton County have already begun calling Republicans, just so folks would have something to do.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES: This is Presidential Convention Season is finally over, and we have another timely poem from Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves.
DemocRATS’ Debt
Obama’s in the White House
He’s put us deep in debt.
And if he’s re-elected
You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.
THIS WEEK IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says The Blower did its best to ignore those Dumbed Down DemocRAT delegates from Northern Kentucky because they were stupid enough to believe Obama’s failed $787 Billion Stimulus Program was a big success?- THIS WEEK AT A MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA: Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if he thought the DNC Convention was “historic,” like everything else has been during the Obama Administration. “The DNC was no BFD,” Kane explained. A new Fox News Poll asked, “Are you better off now than you were four years ago” Only 82% said, “No.” “But I disagree,” Kane added. “The reason we’re better off now than we were four years ago is…in less than two months we can vote Obama out of office.”
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”: The Blower’s Campaign Countdowns to will continue. Speaking of which, the 2012 Elections are only “57” days away.
Monday we’ll be remembering September 10.
Tuesday we’ll be keeping our fingers crossed on the anniversary of 9/11.
Wednesday we’ll be celebrating 9/12.
Thursday we’ll be checking to see which candidate is pulling ahead in the presidential race.
And the first line of next Friday’s limerick is: “Here’s what we’ve learned at this year’s conventions”
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
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