Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

Was I wrong not to say anything bad about Obama on Sunday while the Mourner-in-Chief was pandering for votes following the Batman Movie Shooting in Colorado? —Mitt Romney
Obama’s Aurora appearance offered us another wonderful opportunity to present him as a healing unifier, while we continue to wage our slash and burn campaign featuring unsubstantiated charges against Mitt Romney, warfare, and charges of racism. —Team Obama
Why would anybody say Disingenuous DemocRATS are always exploiting Death, Tragedy, and Crisis for Political Gain? —Their Willing Accomplices in the Liberal News Media
Now, during Obama’s “historic” presidency, we have the largest mass shooting in U.S. History. —Charles Manson
And we did our best to blame the Tea Party. —ABC’s Cracked Reporters Brian Ross and George Stephanopoulos
It’s not as if Obama hasn’t played politics with shooting victims before, except if you count his shamelessly exploiting the Death of Trayvon Martin, the Virginia Tech tragedy, and the shooting of Arizona Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords. —Hurley the Historian
With only “104” more days until the November Elections, how long do you imagine the Colorado Movie Massacre will divert voters’ attention from the economy? —Campaign Countdowners
Did you see the latest poll that says twice as many voters now blame Obama for messing up the economy as me? —George W. Bush
Maybe that’s because 72% of Americans disagree with Obama’s “You didn’t build that” claim. —Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen
Want to celebrate Obama’s birthday with him — at the Obamas’ house in Chicago? Donate $3 or whatever you can to be automatically entered today. —Obama for America
Ohio’s economy must be looking up these days. Why else would Vice President Joe Biden have come to town last Thursday trying to claim total credit for the Obama Administration? —Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders
Will Obama and Biden be claiming credit for the improved economy in the rest of our states, too. —GOP Governors Association
Did anybody see me on Sean Hannity’s TV show last Thursday night when I lambasted Liberal Lunatic Leslie Marshall about job creation, outsourcing, and whether Barack Hussein Obama deserves a second term? If only I was that good on my own TV show, I might even have an audience. —WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Bill Cunningham
Is the Reds Magic Number really only “68” after Sunday’s big sweep? —Typical Reds Rooter Farley Fairweather
We’re really sad about Penn State’s $60 Million NCAA Penalty. —The Ohio State Buckeyes
Thanks for mentioning our price increase. —Feckless Fishwrappers
Are you really supposed to put the location of your campaign office on your web page? —Bronze Star Brad Wenstrup’s Campaign Mangler
When the Olympics begins in London later this week, please don’t remind all those gullible donors who pissed their money away on my failed wet dream and made-up job to bring the 2012 Olympics to Cincinnati, and tell them “We told you so.” —Nick Vehr
How many people showed up at last week’s Trustees meeting to demand Disgraced Dis-Trustee Kevin “Spanky” O’Brien’s resignation for masturbating in a woman’s car? —Angry Andersonians
Since we published our Diabolical Disclaimer Policy two weeks ago, we’ll never have to apologize again. —Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane
We’d really hate it if one of our NoKY Snitches didn’t tell us the unvarnished truth. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
You mean some things in The Blower aren’t 100% true? —Congressman Goof Doofus
Unlike newspaper blogs, which pretend to care about maintaining a dose of civility, The Whistleblower might still contain unlawful, threatening, abusive, libelous, defamatory, vulgar, pornographic, profane, or even indecent information. —Scott Wartman at the Fishwrap
Sometimes The Blower uses racial and ethnic slurs to show that bigotry of any kind is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a total retard. —Special Ed (on Crank Yankers)
Sometimes The Blower uses gay bashing and race baiting to show that intolerance of any kind is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a real flamer. —Gay Darkies
Sometimes The Blower makes fun of dead people to show that necrophilia in public is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a stiff. —Coroners in Kenton, Campbell, and Boondoggle Counties
Sometimes The Blower questions a person’s motives to show that dishonesty of any kind is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t an elected official. —Bill Erpenbeck
And sometimes The Blower even borrows a phrase to show that plagiarism of any kind is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t on Skaggie Maggie’s Idiotorial Board at the Morning Fishwrap. —Repeat Bronson
I like the Whistleblower Disclaimer that says: “This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental.” —Rick “The BatBoy” Robinson (who never used a disclaimer in his trashy book about that blow job scene that started on page 64 and didn’t get finished until page 78)
I like the Whistleblower Disclaimer that says: “This publication is a not work of fiction. No names have been changed to protect the innocent. Screw the innocent!” —Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E. Rob Sanders
I like the Whistleblower Disclaimer that says: “This publication is sometimes a work of fiction, but it may still contain inappropriate remarks and unsupported personal attacks.” —Disgraced Megalomaniacal Former WLW Hate Radio Enabled, Failed Video Blogging, Trash Talking, Racist, Amazingly-Still-Not-Disbarred Loudmouth Lawyer, Failed Restaurateur, Comedian Wannabe Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters
That’s why we chose Will Ketterson’s “Quibbling is the creation of a false impression in the mind of the listener by cleverly wording what is said, omitting relevant facts or telling a partial truth when one does so with the intent to deceive or mislead.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
Many of the things Trish the Dish says on the air do not reflect the views of this station. —Channel 19 News
Our long local nightmare is now over, Channel 5 settled its account and Warner Cable viewers can once again see Sheree Paolello on the air. —Jack Atherton

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

Sometimes The Blower makes fun of politicians who show up at hospitals to show that insincere sympathy is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t trying to take advantage of a tragedy.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially incumbent presidential Consolers-in-Chief.

POLITICAL INSINCERITY HOT LINE

e-mail your egregious examples today.

Some Obama Campaign Bashing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Obama Campaign Bashing subscribers, but we could always use more.

Link of the Day

Obama on Colorado Batman Shootings

(When in doubt blame it on the Iranians)

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.