Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

Republicans in Congress are to blame for last week’s worse-than-forecast job numbers, because they continue to fail to act on the president’s sure-fire job creation ideas. —Obama’s Chief Political Strategist David Axeldouche
The Blower’s repeated reports of high unemployment and new jobless claims are “demoralizing.” Please be more discreet. —Obama’s Labor Secretary Hilda Solis
So what if Fox News says 80% of Over-Taxed Payers’ Failed Green Energy Dollars went to us. Only 19 of our companies went bust so far. —Obama Donors
You’re talking as if a billion dollars is a lot of money. —New York Times’ Nobel-Prize winning Op-Ed Columnist Paul Krugman
That’s why we chose Senator Everett Dirksen’s “A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon, you’re talking real money,” although he probably never really said it. —Your Quote for Today Committee
Donald Trump might be calling Ed Klein’s best-selling “Amateur: Barack Obama in the White House” the best book yet about Obama, but I’m sure it doesn’t include a memorable 14-page-long blow job scene beginning on Page 64, like you’ll find in every one of my trashy paperbacks. —Rick “The Bat Boy” Robinson
On this date in 1968, Robert F. Kennedy was shot. And on this date in 2004, Ronald Reagan died. Now which event do you think you’ll see on your TV news tonight? —Hurley the Historian
Please don’t tell Obsessive Obama Supporters like Tom and Rose that no purchase, payment, or contribution is necessary to enter or win that dinner with Sarah Jessica Parker. Contributing will not improve chances of winning. —Michelle Antionette
Please don’t ask how any millions of our union members’ dollars we’re spending to try to recall Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker today for daring to ask us to pay a small part of our fair share. —Public Sector Unions and Liberal Freeloaders
I saw The Blower said local Tea Party Patriots were urging local patriots to support Governor Scott Walker in Wisconsin, although I’m not sure how much good putting up signs in Glendale will do. —Charlie Hassle (Too Old to Be a Young Republican Anymore)
When I met with Bibi Netanyahu in Israel, I told him about both of my nice Jewish neighbors in Terrace Park. —Rob “Fighting for Farfel” Portman
Did you see that Fishwrap survey that said most of those patriotic citizens who say they always vote were actually lying? —Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen
So what if that complete list of current U.S. House and Senate members from Southwest Ohio and Northern Kentucky in Sunday’s Fishwrap Forum failed to include “Junketing Jean” Schmidt and Goof Doofus. —New Idiotorial Page Editor Stupor Dave Holthaus
That’s OK. With five months until this year’s elections, we still can’t find anybody to run for Hamilton County Commissioner. —RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP and Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka (Only one of whom is still a Person of Consequence on The Whistleblower’s Exclusive E-Mail List)
How many racist stories can The Fishwrap publish about black restaurant scammer Liz Rogers and Cincinnati’s Black Police Chief James Craig? —Belligerent Black Blogger Nate “Rhymes with Hate” Livingston
Instead of increasing property taxes to plug this year’s annual budget deficit, maybe we should get city residents to vote to increase taxes on soreheads in the suburbs who work in the city. —Cincinnati City Mangler Dough Boy Honey
Do you feel safe in your community? —Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception

Tomorrow in Northern Kentucky, we will have some of the best D-Day celebrations ever. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
What does the “D” stand for? —Goof Doofus
I think it should stand for “DemocRATS.” —Nathan “Cornbread” Smith
How about “Drink?” —Michael Liquid Plummer
What about “former DemocRATS?” —Secretary of State Trey Grayson
At my place of business, the “D” stands for “Detention. —Terry “The Smiling Jailer” Carl
Are you sure that “D” doesn’t stand for “Disbar?” —Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters
D-Day certainly doesn’t stand for “Diets.” —Weight Gainers Big-Ass Members Marc Wilson and Scott “Pass the Biscuits” Kimmich
Might it stand for “Dye-job?” —Y’All Ville Mayor Blondie Whalen
D-Day is always a great time to wear your bikini at the Fort Mitchell Country Club. —Miss Vicki
We’re still trying to figure out when Confederate Memorial Day is officially celebrated in Northern Kentucky. —Rufus Redneck
On D-Day, all Second Amendment Advocates offered a silent prayer for the souls of all those victims of gun violence, who died because laws already on the books have not been enforced. —Billy Bob Carbine
You can’t fool us. D-Day was when all of us TV stations begin broadcasting only in “Digital.” —Channel 19 News Bimbo Trish the Dish
Not even Sheree Paolello would say something that stupid. —Jack Atherton

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

Sometimes The Blower ridicules recall election to show that continuing to whine about the results of an election is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a member of a public sector union.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Liberals Still Not Willing to Pay Their Fair Share.

WISCONSIN RECALL ELECTION HOT LINE

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Some unrecalled items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally unrecalled subscribers

Link of the Day

Obama: “You Only Run Twice”

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today