Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Real Tweets from Real Twits
- If you want to see what this nation has really become during the “Age of Obama,” just look at the twaddle people are Tweeting to each other these days. —Stunned Sociologists
- We’re all Tweeting more but actually communicating less. —Ordinary Dumbed-down, Self-absorbed, Media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct, short-attention-span People
- Look what happened when we started sending each other e-mails. —Lazy Letter Writers
- And just look at how Tweets are replacing meaningful dialogue. —Gifted Conversationalists
- You won’t believe how many “Friends” we have. —The Whistleblower Faux FaceBook Page
- Tweets make our jobs easier. —English Teachers and Grammarians
- Remember when we used to spend hours each day writing letters? —Lonely Lovers
- The so-called social media doesn’t make people more sociable. —Divorce Attorneys
- Twitter makes it easy for people to spread rumors and lies. —Whistleblower Gossip Columnist Linda Libel
- These days, we have couples text each other to express their true feelings. —Marriage Counselors
- Twitter makes it easy to spew “Hate Speech” too. —Networking Nazis
- Just think how we create havoc with Twitter. —Irresponsible Celebrities
- Social contact enables people with dementia to maintain their level of functioning longer. —Recognized Researchers
- When we were teenagers, we actually spent hours every day talking to each other on the phone. —Geezer Citizens, Trying to Remember
- The best part about getting all those Tweets at the newspaper is they don’t take long to read. —Lazy Reporters
- And printing somebody’s Tweet is easier than getting a real quote. —Furloughed Fishwrappers
- Why do you think they keep firing our lazy reporters. —Metro Mole
- Using Twitter, somebody wouldn’t have to call all those press conferences to get my name in the papers. —“JayWalking Joe” Deters
- Sending out Tweets makes it easy to keep the media interested in your vice presidential campaign. —Rob “Fighting for Facebook” Portman
- Twitter makes it easy to stay in touch when you’re out of the country. —“Junketing Jean” Schmidt
- Or just plain “Out of Touch.” —Alex T., Mall Cop GOP
- With Twitter, I certainly don’t even need a press secretary. —“Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup
- Scotty loves it whenever I Tweet him. —Cincinnati’s Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark Mallory
- Disgruntled former followers can Tweet you anonymously. —Goof Doofus
- Did everybody see my Tweet about the end of my Bluegrass Bar Association suspension? —Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters
- Who started this Twitter madness anyhow? —Hurley the Historian
- Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to Tweet free. —Your Quote for Today Committee
- You won’t believe how much all those suckers are willing to pay for cell phones and wireless service. — AT&T, Verizon, Sprint Nextel, and T-Mobile
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —
Sometimes The Blower ridicules Twitterers to show that Time-wasting Tweeting is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t reading this message on his cell phone.
This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Faux FaceBook Friends.
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