Monday, March 26, 2012
What Ordinary Americans Think About America’s Future
That’s why The Whistleblower rounded up some of our usual suspects. We found them praying for jobs at a candle-light vigil around the Peace Pole in Anderson Township Sunday morning. We just had to find out what all those dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct, short-attention-span ordinary people thought America was still on the wrong track under the Obama Administration.
- Mama Maruska, Retired Homemaker: Tell those Republicans in Congress things have gotten so bad, my children are out of work. They’ve all moved back home with me along with the grandchildren, and not one of those ingrates is even willing to clean up his own room.
- Porky Dorkman, Student: My teacher (who belongs to the union) said everybody in the class had to go home and tell our parents to call their Republican Members of Congress and demand they reject Congressman Paul Ryan’s “Path to Prosperity” that would cut $5.3 Trillion from Obama’s budget over the next ten years.
- Marlene Mandible, Totally Unemployable: I hope those Republicans in Congress forget about their “Path to Prosperity,” Ladies on “The View” said DemocRAT Senate Leader Harry Reid will be forced to shut down the government right before Election Day.
- Norma Rashid, Former TV5 Anchorwoman: If Republican in Congress would only forget their “Path to Prosperity,” I could sit home alone waiting for Charlie to call, except every time the phone rings it’s just another recorded message from Michelle telling me not to forget to vote for Obama in only “224” more days.
- Linda Libel, Gossip Columnist: If Republicans in Congress would only forget about their “Path to Prosperity,” maybe The Blower would find more space to publish some of my salacious scandals and all those tasty tidbits about local elected officials and other public figures that my snitches have told me were cheating on their spouses.
- Jack Mehoff, Used Solar Panel Salesman: Republicans in Congress need to forget about their “Path to Prosperity,” just so there’ll be more money in that government loan guarantee program that funded companies like Obama’s campaign contributors ran at Solyndra.
- Suzie Soccermom, Tea Partier: If Republicans in Congress would only forget about their “Path to Prosperity,” I could go back to watching “Saturday Night Live” mocking Republican debates on Fox News to see Newt Gingrih, Rick Santorum, and Ron Paul should drop out.
- Reverum Calhoun, Minister: Was Obama desperate this week when he played the Race Card by commenting on the Trayvon Martin shooting case, especially when he said, “You know, if I had a son, he would look like Trayvon.”
- Emily Frump, Retired City Employee: When will our New Extreme Liberal City Clown-cil stop giving millions away Girly Mayor Mark Mallory’s relatives so they can open doomed soul food restaurants and start worrying about my pension plan.
- Bunky Tadwell, The Bard of Cleves: If Republicans forget about their “Path to Prosperity,” over-taxed payers will be even deeper in debt. And if Obama gets himself re-elected, you ain’t seen nothing yet.
- Seedy Diehl, Northern Kentucky Homeless Guy: Now that everybody knew Obama’s $447 Billion Stimulus Plan really wouldn’t result in any new jobs in Greater Cincinnati, is it all right if I return to my refrigerator box at the hobo camp under the Brent Spence Bridge?
- CH Snitch, 1000 Main Street: Now that everybody’s forgotten about Obama’s Historic “Bridge Too Far” Campaign Speech in Cincinnati that won’t result in any new bridges being built, County Commissioners and Cincinnati City Clowncil can return to blaming each other for a lack of economic opportunity in the tri-state.
- Sid Schlock, Slumlord: If Republicans in Congress would only forget about their “Path to Prosperity,” some of those deadbeats on welfare who live in my run-down property might even be able to afford to pay the rent and I can wangle myself a seat on the CMHA Board.
- Ken CamBoo, Northern Kentucky Journalist: If Republicans in Congress would only forget about their “Path to Prosperity,” the cost of gasoline will be so high, people won’t be able to afford to drive to the unemployment office.
- Tea Party Tim: If Republicans in Congress forget about their “Path to Prosperity,” we’ll surely be including it with our Demands for a Balanced Budget at our big April 15 Tax Day 2012 rally on Fountain Square, where we’ll kicking off the march to November.
- Earl Pitts, Taxidermist: If Republicans in Congress forget about their “Path to Prosperity,” I can make another campaign commercial, just like I did against That Lame-Duck Corrupt Evicted Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Bought-and-paid-For Tax-and-Spend Wrinkle-Puss RINO Bitch-in-a-Ditch “Mean Jean” Schmidt.
- Ed Norton, Currently Furloughed Northern Kentucky Sewer Worker: If Republicans in Congress forget about their “Path to Prosperity,” will Obama’s top advisors still be saying, “Unemployment won’t be key in 2012.”
REAL AMERICANS HOT LINE
e-mail your ordinary views and opinions today.
Some focus group comments in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally unfocused subscribers.